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Consequences of a less than punctual life

I've encountered my fair share of punctuality stories--tales of extreme punishments & horrid ultimatums. I've even lived through a few of my own--like the time I was ten minutes late to high school volleyball practice & the coach just smiled and told me to take a seat in the bleachers while the rest of the team ran "suicide sprints" as punishment. There was nothing quite like that; I could just feel all my meager social collateral evaporating.

But the most egregious story of all came from someone I recently met, who told me that a ehabitually tardy actor on the set of a film once begged him to break his fingers because he needed a good--and verifiable--excuse for being late, or else the director would fire him. My friend tried to talk him out of it, but the actor wouldn't relent, and my friend found himself breaking this guy's fingers: two, to be safe. The actor kept his job...But who knows to what lengths he'll go next time! Elsewhere, Ray Emery, goalie for the Ottawa Senators, is being "fined substantially" after arriving four (4!) minutes late to practice: "Emery could be docked up to one-187th of his $2.75 million salary, roughly $14,700." Have you ever been punished for tardiness in an extremely profound, draconian, or just plain avant-garde way?

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Don't Have Space For a Christmas Tree? Decorate a Pineapple Instead
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Christmas trees aren't for everyone. Some people can't fit a fir inside their cramped abodes, while others are turned off by the expense, or by the idea of bugs hitchhiking their way inside. Fake trees are always an option, but a new trend sweeping Instagram—pineapples as mini-Christmas "trees"—might convince you to forego the forest vibe for a more tropical aesthetic.

As Thrillist reports, the pineapple-as-Christmas-tree idea appears to have originated on Pinterest before it, uh, ripened into a social media sensation. Transforming a pineapple into a Halloween “pumpkin” requires carving and tea lights, but to make the fruit festive for Christmas all one needs are lights, ornaments, swaths of garland, and any other tiny tchotchkes that remind you of the holidays. The final result is a tabletop decoration that's equal parts Blue Hawaii and Miracle on 34th Street.

In need of some decorating inspiration? Check out a variety of “Christmas tree” pineapples below.

[h/t Thrillist]

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