Books. They're the old standby for holiday gift giving, but let's face it, most of us aren't all that adept at picking out the perfect tome—even for our closest friends and most unestranged family members. But you know whom it would be totally easy to browse the bookstore for? Serial killers. Think about it—they have very specific (one might say obsessive) interests, lots of free time for reading, and they can't really return the gift if they don't find it to their tastes.
1. Mark David Chapman
The Gift: Forgo the obvious and pick up In Cold Fear: The Catcher in the Rye, Censorship Controversies and Postwar American Character, by Pamela Hunt Steinle. Everyone likes to see his name in print.
2. Charles Manson
Beatles fan. Bible enthusiast. Scary, scary man.
"¦tell them, "The Beatles Are Your Salvation!" by Diann Venita Bobbitt James. It's got religion and rhythm. More bang for your buck.
3. Richard Ramirez (AKA the Night Stalker)
Satan worshipper, known for his good looks and murderous ways.
The Gift: Paradise Lost by John Milton—the perfect read for anyone who has sympathy for the devil.
4. Ted Kacynzski (AKA the Unabomber)
The Gift: Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto by Anneli Rufus. Come on, that's, like, too perfect.
5. Zodiac Killer
A man of mystery who killed by numbers.
The Gift: Hardy Boys Secret-Code Activity Book, because every man is—at heart—a scared little boy, even maniacal, puzzle-lovin' killers.
6. David Berkowitz (AKA The Son of Sam)
Went barking mad—claimed the neighbor's dog made him do it.
The Gift: Marley & Me: Life and Love with the World's Worst Dog, by John Grogan. Every man needs a best friend—even if it is a hound from hell.
7. John Wayne Gacy
The Gift: Scary Clowns by Essential Works. Enough said.
8. Jeffrey Dahmer
A man with complicated tastes—mostly for the flesh of other dudes.
The Gift: The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals, by Michael Pollan. Although, I'm pretty sure Dahmer knew where his food came from.
9. Ed Gein
Real-life inspiration for Buffalo Bill, from Silence of the Lambs. Ad Hoc Dr. Frankenstein.
The Gift: Patchwork Girl, by Shelley Jackson. Although the girl-on-girl action would totally wig out his Bible-thumpin' mama.
10. Belle Gunness
A serious black widow—Gunness put out an ad for suitors in the local papers and killed the respondents, feathering her nest with the contents of their wallets. Forget gold digger—this lady was one serious gravedigger.
The Gift: The 10 Commandments of Marriage, by Ed Young and Beth Moore. It probably doesn't say anything like, "Thou shalt not murder thine husband for cash," but it should, right?