I (heart) Oscar

David K. Israel

Because we're building up to the Oscars this week (did you miss our first two movie quizzes?), here's a little spoof I wrote that you might enjoy from our pals over at The Morning News—newly published this morning.

Ever wonder how Oscar's Internet dating profile might read?

About Me I'm here to find a great person for a great time. I want to tremble from head to toe. You'll see lots of ads on here saying stuff like "No games!" or "No drama!" Well, color me eccentric then because I love me some good drama (especially the biographical kind). Though many who've had me consider me extremely attractive, I am by no means a mere trophy. If that's the kind of person you're looking for, do us both a favor and move on to the next profile, please. Physical Info * Height: 13.5" (34.3 cm) * Weight: 8.5 lbs (3.86 kg), zero body fat * Body type: Buffed

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