Friday Happy Hour: Your Dream (Temp) Job

Jason English

1. For six weeks in 2002, I worked as a temporary receptionist at a garage door installation company. The actual employees would all leave for sales or service calls around 7:30, and I'd stay behind to answer urgent calls from frantic customers.

"My garage door isn't working and I have a huge meeting this morning! Tell me how to get my car out!" / "My garage door just landed on my windshield. There's glass everywhere and I cut my heel. You know you're paying for all this, right?"

No matter the issue, my response was always the same: "I'll have someone give you a call this afternoon." I don't think that satisfied even one customer.

While this was a good place to watch season one of The Sopranos on my laptop, I certainly wouldn't call it my dream temp job. Here are a few candidates for that honor: 1. Seat-filler at an awards show (preferably the Golden Globes, Oscars or Emmys, but if it's a work-your-way-up kind of thing, I'd work the Grammys); 2. Naming consultant, with a focus on pets, children and paint colors (I wouldn't want to go through all the headaches of starting the business, but if someone had already established one, I'd gladly sit in and namestorm with people about their puppies, babies or vibrant reds); 3. Segway-riding tour guide (what we're touring doesn't matter). What's your dream temp job?

2. My daughter turned 1 last week, and tomorrow is her big first birthday party. I don't think we've gone too overboard—no live elephants or dunk tanks this year. What's your most memorable children's birthday party experience? Doesn't have to be your party—could be one you attended as a child, or your kid's party, or a party your kid attended.

3. The New York Mets have been in the news this week after team executive Tony Bernazard allegedly ripped off his shirt and challenged their minor league affiliate to a fight. What's the craziest on-the-job behavior you've ever witnessed?

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