The Late Movies: Cooking Shows on Crack

Ransom Riggs

Sometimes it takes a special blend of trippy editing tricks to show us just how weird cooking shows really are. There's nothing like a little slow-mo, a creeping digital zoom, unsettling music and a lot of reverb to turn Paula Deen or Rachel Ray into some kind of phantasmagoric hell-beast, which I discovered after a mind-bending trip through WolfGoreShow's YouTube uploads, when one of them was featured on Boingboing last week. Trust me, you'll never look at a donut burger the same way again. If you don't believe me, just watch this. It's Paula Deen, edited like a funeral.

Or there's this unhealthy, nightmarish concoction, given an air of David Lynchian mystery because we're never actually shown it. The COOKIZZA.

In this clip, Paula's just making eclairs -- but the editing and the music from Rosemary's Baby makes it all seem much, much more sinister.

Some immature editing makes a story about Paula and her husband seem inappropriate; meanwhile, she whips up a heart-attack in a bowl.

This one really needs no editing to seem bizarre. Paula clarifies FOUR POUNDS of butter. She thanks God for cows. And then a team of hunky "butter wranglers" present Paula with a giant bust of herself -- carved from butter. It's all vaguely reminiscent of some ancient ritual meant to bring about the end of the world.

This infomercial for the Magic Bullet blender takes on an otherworldly quality. I just know something awful's about to happen.