Liquid Ass, Inflatable Toast, and Other Strange Items Available Now on

Ransom Riggs

You can buy just about everything on these days: books, toys, gardening tools, $40,000 personal isolation chambers. Anything! In fact, the variety of buying options on Amazon is so great -- and so strange -- that I'm fairly certain some of its listings are fake, planted by prank-happy internet trolls, the descriptions to many of which include instructions like "DO NOT PURCHASE!" -- and they are hilarious.

Parent-Child Testing Product

I have no idea what the parent-child testing product, which retails for exactly $10,035.98, is supposed to do, or what the horrible alien spacesuit costume is used for, or where whoever planted this listing found that picture (I'd love to know).

Granted, the price seems pretty steep -- until you realize it's a five-pack. The best part might be the customer reviews, though. Here's a dissatisfied buyer:

Product is not as described, box contained a radio playing a haunting tune and now we're haunted by the ghost of a 43 year old man who wants to devour the souls of all children.

And here's a very satisfied customer. "The Old Grottomaster" wrote this five-star review:

I placed this intriguing figure in my Grotto and *peace* has prevailed ever since! Neither creatures of this world such as roaches, chiggers, cicadas, moles, ospidillos, Tasmanian devils, hornets, fleas, lice, millipedes, nor any of the otherworld (a *big* issue in my Grotto!) such as hob-goblins, orks, trolls, leprauchauns, or wood elves have plagued me since I did so.

Inflatable toast

The product description reads as follows: "Toast is great, but it's hard to keep in your pocket. So what do you do when you crave the warm comfort of toast but don't want to deal with the crumbs? You pull out your Inflatable Toast, blow it up and admire its realistic toasty goodness! Each soft vinyl slice of toast is 6" (15.2 cm) tall and has a standard inflation valve."

A reviewer writes: "I have used many different types of inflatable toast an I can say without question that this is the best inflatable toast out there. The toast inflates quickly and with ease..this is important when I am pressed for time and need inflatable toast at a moments notice."

Poop Freeze

This one sounds so real that it almost might be. But somehow I doubt it.

I even found a "commercial" for Poop Freeze on YouTube. Notice the purchase screen at the end, suspiciously absent of 800 numbers or websites where you can order a can.

But that's not all Amazon has to offer! Customers who purchased these items also viewed a six-pack of spotted dick, a spray-can of liquid ass, and the UFO Detector. What happens if you actually buy any of these items? Honestly, I wasn't brave enough to find out!

Follow me on Twitter