4 Upcoming Toy-to-Movie Adaptations (That Probably Shouldn’t Be)

You can thank the success of Transformers 1 & 2 for the plague upon your movie houses that’s to come. Hollywood knows a good formula when it sees one. Well, it knows a formula anyway, and since transforming toy robots hit it big at the box office, Hollywood producers have been slap fighting each other to be the next to cash in on your childhood nostalgia with a toy-based franchise. And there is no toy idea too absurd to throw a few hundred million dollars at.

1. Battleship

Question: How do you create a compelling narrative from a game that features no protagonist, no supporting characters and in fact, no characters at all? Simple, make any damn movie you want and just slap a familiar name on it to milk the brand recognition. In the case of this upcoming sci-fi epic, director Peter Berg sends an alien invasion after Liam Neeson, Brooklyn Decker and, well, the entire human race.

Presumably a boat will be involved.

I can smell the tagline from here: “Next Summer,

B12

B10 isn’t Earth’s Lucky Number!”

2. Stretch Armstrong

Lautner is carving quite a niche for himself as Hollywood’s go-to guy when it comes to expressionless, interminably t-shirt deprived protagonists.

3. Monopoly

This movie has been discussed for several years now. Originally, the Monopoly movie told the story of a guy who’s really good at Monopoly and one day wakes up in Monopoly City. Would he get to ride in the race car, or the thimble? Dramatic tension! Now Ridley Scott says the Monopoly movie will revolve around a greedy “Donald Trump”-type character who I’m guessing enjoys acquiring property and railroads.

That’s right, Ridley Scott is attached.

Remember when Ridley Scott was the director of Alien and Blade Runner? Any chance this Donald Trump character ends up being a replicant who lays his monster eggs in people’s chests?

4. View-Master

The creators behind the inevitable View-Master movie, Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci, are keeping mum about plot specifics, possibly because there aren’t any. The movie's title on IMDb is Untitled View-Master Project (2012). Nonetheless, Orci and Kurtzman promise View-Master will follow in the vein of 80s classics like Goonies. Except, you know, you’ll have to watch it one frame at a time.