The Quick 10: 10 Royal Wedding Presents to Avoid
Well, the Royal Wedding is upon us. It's already being called "The Wedding of the Century," which seems a bit premature to me, but I suppose "Wedding of the First 11 Years of the Century" isn't nearly as catchy. It's not just the tabloids that have been cashing in on Will and Kate's upcoming nuptials, though. It seems like nearly every company has a product tie-in related to the Royal Wedding. From cat food to condoms, here are a few of the stranger ones.
1. Knit Your Own Royal Wedding. If you can't attend (or, you know, haven't been invited), don't worry - for the low price of some knitting needles and a few skeins of yarn, you can have your own Royal Wedding at home in your living room. I got a huge kick out of this video of knit QEII getting her groove on at the reception.
2. Papa John’s pizza. I'm pretty sure you can't just hop on their website and order up the Royal Wedding pie, but the pizzamakers did design this one-of-a-kind creation. Something tells me Kate won't be using mushrooms on her veil this weekend.
3. Viagra Beer. Dubbed "Royal Virility Performance," this brew was invented by Scottish brewery Brew Dog. Its label bears classy sayings such as "Arise Prince Willy" and "Celebrate Big Willy Style," but you'll have to tip back three of the beers if you want to get the same effect as one Viagra. The brewery says they even sent one to Prince William, you know, just in case.
4. Dunkin' Donuts. Nothing says love like a deep fried, heart-shaped, jelly-filled, vanilla-frosted doughnut, am I right? Dunkin' Donuts sure thinks so. They're only available through April 29, so if you feel like your Royal Wedding experience won't be complete until you have one, you'd better do it while you can.
5. Vomit bags. I guess if you're already sick to death of the whole thing, there's something out there for you, too.
6. Gummies. When Haribo candy found out that Kate Middleton was a fan of their gummy candy products, they made a treacly line just for her: "Hearts and Rings and Other Nice Things." I think I could use one of those barf bags right about now. The limited edition "Hearts and Rings" contains gummies shaped like hearts and rings (natch), as well as presents, cupcakes and lips.
7. Condoms. You knew someone would go there. They're called Crown Jewels - "Condoms of Distinction." The box boasts that it contains "a Triumvirate of Regal Prophylactics."
8. Nail decals of William and Kate's engagement pictures. Because why wouldn't you?
9. A duvet cover with the bodies of the happy couple printed on them. I'm seriously creeped out by this. But British hotel chain Premier Inn seems to think it's a good idea, because they're offering this "Royal Bed-ding" in select rooms so guests can, um, pretend, I guess.
10. Cat food. Our feline friends don't want to be left out of the fun. The Cat Food Factory (clever name, no?) created "Royal Wedding Banquet," a treat that "9 out of 10 royals prefer." They don't specify if they prefer it for their pets or for themselves, so I'll leave that to your own interpretation.
And this is only the tip of the iceberg, folks. There are garden gnomes, refrigerators (as seen in the video with the condoms, of course), sliding doors for your house, tea bags, toilet seats, marmalade, running shoes and rechargeable batteries, among a host of other things.