Sh*t My Students Write

Ransom Riggs

My in-laws are both teachers -- one of English, the other of English as a second language -- so I hear stories like this all the time. While funny, the mistakes students make also make you wonder if, you know, kids are dumber these days or just more distracted by things that aren't school -- but then again, I'm certain I made lots of dumb mistakes in reports and papers when I was younger too, like these and worse. (I burned all the evidence.) But as with everything, it seems, now There's A Tumblr For That. Shi*t My Student Write, which claims to be "evidence of the true cost of educational funding cuts," was started by a teacher but takes submissions from anyone who cares to submit -- other teachers, ostensibly -- but who knows how many of them are real. They seem real to *me* -- maybe that means I'm a pessimist? Anyway, here are a few of my favorites:

From a paper, I assume, on the Irish famine:
The potato literally encouraged the Irish to overbreed.

Some advice regarding crazysex:
Macbeth couldn’t have loved Lady Macbeth because he was crazy and too busy hallucinating witches and stuff. Also, crazy people can’t do it without going crazy midway through.

What's this writer saying about the founding fathers?
Before the days of colonization, America was like a young, untouched child.

Really! Tell us more:
Sex is a factor in teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

I assume this is a direct quote:
Its not really plagiarism as it was exactly what I was going to write anyway.

Nothing is funnier than WWII:
My story is hysterical fiction because it took place during World War II and could have actually happened.

And much, much more!