This hyper-tailored shopping list has something for everyone you know, including your very sophisticated chicken.
1. For: THE ASPIRING CHEESE WHIZ
With the Charted Cheese Wheel, $28, there’s no excuse for confusing Muenster and Manchego ever again.
2. For: OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE GADGET HOUNDS
The Nerd Herder Gadget Wallet, $29, corrals your cash, cards, phone, and other odds and ends in cozy felt and even cozier math equations.
3. For: YOUR ’80S-LOVING CUBICLEMATE
Tidying up your desk is a lot less puzzling with this Room for the Cube organizer, $20.
4. For: ASPIRING DOCUMENTARIANS
The iPhone Boom Mic, $40, practically guarantees YouTube fame.
5. For: THE METICULOUS MIXOLOGIST
Until you build that cyborg bartender, the Perfect Drink, $70—a clever scale that connects to your tablet and guides you through recipes step by step—should do just fine.
6. For: TECHIES WHO NEED SOME SPACE
Feel tethered to your tablet? Get some distance while keeping your playlist within ear’s reach with the Zooka bluetooth speaker, $20.
7. For: LITERATE PACIFISTS
This pouch, $15, holds a handful of pens. Or one tiny sword.
8. For: SUMMER CAMP NOSTALGISTS
These smoldering sticks, $13, make that campfire smell portable.
9. For: CRAFTY SMOOTHIE ADDICTS
This clever Cuppow lid, $8, turns any ordinary canning jar into a Portlandia-worthy to-go cup.
10. For: COMFORT-ZONE CAMPERS
You may not be a bear, but you can still feel at home going in the woods with Alite’s Twig Pod kit, $39.
11. For: ASTRONOMERS WHO KNIT
Make your calendar sparkle with the Stitch Upon the Stars 2014 calendar, $24. Each month, you sew a new zodiac with the kit’s glow-in-the-dark floss.
12. For: INTROVERTED KARAOKE STARS
Sing badly anywhere with a karaoke home system, $299.
13. For: ANTIGRAVITY GARDENERS
Move over, Babylon. Boskke’s sky planters, $75, can turn that drab office ceiling into a hanging garden.
14. For: TENDERFEET
Adventure is afoot with Keen’s ultra-durable, odor-resistant, blister-proof, strong-as-steel, foot-specific Olympus socks, $19.
15. For: CLUMSY SKIERS
16. For: VEGAN ASPIRING TAXIDERMISTS
If your bare wall is begging for an animal-free hunting trophy, $27, here you go. (Also great for hunters with bad luck.)
17. For: PEOPLE IN THE CHEAP SEATS
Forget the zoom button! The Easy Macro Cell Lens Band Wrap, $15, makes every shot look like it was taken from the front row.
18. For: PEOPLE WITH PROBLEMS
Illustrator Ali Graham interprets every one of Jay-Z’s 99 problems on limited-edition art prints, $20.
19. For: STYLISH TYPISTS
Unlike its ancestor, this bracelet, $40, won’t give you carpal tunnel.
20. For: WANNABE JAMES BONDS
With a 4GB USB drive, these cuff links, $110, make fashion functional.
21. For: Sorta-Smelly Monster Lovers
This Mary Shelley-inspired perfume, $17.50, could make even Frankenstein's monster smell sweet in no time.
22. - 26. GIFTS THAT RAISE THE BAR
They say print is dead, but until you can hide a flask in a Kindle, we’ll keep hitting these books, $55.
Highland Park’s complex 15-year-old single malt, $77, pulls off the toughest Scotch trick: It’s both smoky and subtle.
Pour a man a liqueur and he’ll drink for a day. Teach him to make his own with this book, $14, and he’ll live on DIY limoncello all year.
Nothing says “I’m not a sucker for a fancy label” like a milk jug of Vaso di Marina, $28, an easy-drinking California red.
Embrace your inner Viking by turning boring old honey into a jug of delicious mead with this kit, $60. Pairs well with reindeer!
27. - 30. GIFTS FOR YOUR PET
Turtle cozies are perfect for chilly weather … and the country club. $15, MossyTortoise.etsy.com
The wine barrel dog bed, $299, fit for a medium-bodied pup with a nice nose.
Does your cat think it’s the center of the universe? There’s a hat for that, $30.
Go meta with the Nogg chicken coop, $3,155, a handmade cedar egg in which hens happily ... lay eggs.
31. - 35. GIFTS FOR BIBLIOPHILES
The irascible Pippi Longstocking makes a comeback in this striking comic book, $15.
Help your friends learn to love long and prosper thanks to this book of dating tips, $15, from fanboy Eric Smith.
For every Jane Eyre Bookshelf Bandit Tote, $18, sold, a book is donated to a community in need.
Julian Montague’s field guide, $16, is a must for naturalists devoted to spotting carts in the wild.
Timeless classics, now in spiffy noir outerwear; $13 each. And we happen to have a set to give away. Tweet your favorite badass Jane Austen fact @mentalfloss #pulpclassics and we’ll choose a winner on December 17.