35 Obsessively Specific Gifts for Every Person on Your List

ThinkStock
ThinkStock

This hyper-tailored shopping list has something for everyone you know, including your very sophisticated chicken.

1. For: THE ASPIRING CHEESE WHIZ

With the Charted Cheese Wheel, $28, there’s no excuse for confusing Muenster and Manchego ever again.

2. For: OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE GADGET HOUNDS

The Nerd Herder Gadget Wallet, $29, corrals your cash, cards, phone, and other odds and ends in cozy felt and even cozier math equations.

3. For: YOUR ’80S-LOVING CUBICLEMATE

Tidying up your desk is a lot less puzzling with this Room for the Cube organizer, $20.

4. For: ASPIRING DOCUMENTARIANS

The iPhone Boom Mic, $40, practically guarantees YouTube fame. 

5. For: THE METICULOUS MIXOLOGIST

Until you build that cyborg bartender, the Perfect Drink, $70—a clever scale that connects to your tablet and guides you through recipes step by step—should do just fine.

6. For: TECHIES WHO NEED SOME SPACE

Feel tethered to your tablet? Get some distance while keeping your playlist within ear’s reach with the Zooka bluetooth speaker, $20. 

7. For: LITERATE PACIFISTS

This pouch, $15, holds a handful of pens. Or one tiny sword.

8. For: SUMMER CAMP NOSTALGISTS

These smoldering sticks, $13, make that campfire smell portable.

9. For: CRAFTY SMOOTHIE ADDICTS

This clever Cuppow lid, $8, turns any ordinary canning jar into a Portlandia-worthy to-go cup.

10. For: COMFORT-ZONE CAMPERS

You may not be a bear, but you can still feel at home going in the woods with Alite’s Twig Pod kit, $39.

11. For: ASTRONOMERS WHO KNIT

Make your calendar sparkle with the Stitch Upon the Stars 2014 calendar, $24. Each month, you sew a new zodiac with the kit’s glow-in-the-dark floss.

12. For: INTROVERTED KARAOKE STARS

Sing badly anywhere with a karaoke home system, $299.

13. For: ANTIGRAVITY GARDENERS

Move over, Babylon. Boskke’s sky planters, $75, can turn that drab office ceiling into a hanging garden.

14. For: TENDERFEET

Adventure is afoot with Keen’s ultra-durable, odor-resistant, blister-proof, strong-as-steel, foot-specific Olympus socks, $19.

15. For: CLUMSY SKIERS

The butterfinger-proof Dakine Skye jacket, $300, features a phone tether, so you’ll never drop your cell from the ski lift again. (Also available in the men's Clutch jacket, $430.)

16. For: VEGAN ASPIRING TAXIDERMISTS

If your bare wall is begging for an animal-free hunting trophy, $27, here you go. (Also great for hunters with bad luck.) 

17. For: PEOPLE IN THE CHEAP SEATS

Forget the zoom button! The Easy Macro Cell Lens Band Wrap, $15, makes every shot look like it was taken from the front row.

18. For: PEOPLE WITH PROBLEMS

Illustrator Ali Graham interprets every one of Jay-Z’s 99 problems on limited-edition art prints, $20. 

19. For: STYLISH TYPISTS

Unlike its ancestor, this bracelet, $40, won’t give you carpal tunnel.

20. For: WANNABE JAMES BONDS

With a 4GB USB drive, these cuff links, $110, make fashion functional.

21. For: Sorta-Smelly Monster Lovers

This Mary Shelley-inspired perfume, $17.50, could make even Frankenstein's monster smell sweet in no time.

22. - 26. GIFTS THAT RAISE THE BAR

They say print is dead, but until you can hide a flask in a Kindle, we’ll keep hitting these books, $55.

Highland Park’s complex 15-year-old single malt, $77, pulls off the toughest Scotch trick: It’s both smoky and subtle. 

Pour a man a liqueur and he’ll drink for a day. Teach him to make his own with this book, $14, and he’ll live on DIY limoncello all year.

Nothing says “I’m not a sucker for a fancy label” like a milk jug of Vaso di Marina, $28, an easy-drinking California red.

Embrace your inner Viking by turning boring old honey into a jug of delicious mead with this kit, $60. Pairs well with reindeer!

27. - 30. GIFTS FOR YOUR PET

Turtle cozies are perfect for chilly weather … and the country club. $15, MossyTortoise.etsy.com

The wine barrel dog bed, $299, fit for a medium-bodied pup with a nice nose.

Does your cat think it’s the center of the universe? There’s a hat for that, $30.

Go meta with the Nogg chicken coop, $3,155, a handmade cedar egg in which hens happily ... lay eggs.

31. - 35. GIFTS FOR BIBLIOPHILES

The irascible Pippi Longstocking makes a comeback in this striking comic book, $15.

Help your friends learn to love long and prosper thanks to this book of dating tips, $15, from fanboy Eric Smith.

For every Jane Eyre Bookshelf Bandit Tote, $18, sold, a book is donated to a community in need.

Julian Montague’s field guide, $16, is a must for naturalists devoted to spotting carts in the wild.

Timeless classics, now in spiffy noir outerwear; $13 each. And we happen to have a set to give away. Tweet your favorite badass Jane Austen fact @mentalfloss #pulpclassics and we’ll choose a winner on December 17.

Put Shakespeare's Best Insults On a Poster, Coffee Mug, or Even Some Bandages

Take your insult inspiration from the master: William Shakespeare.
Take your insult inspiration from the master: William Shakespeare.
Curious Charts Commission/Three Rivers Press/Amazon

If you’ve ever struggled to find the words to describe how angry or frustrated someone is making you, perhaps William Shakespeare, iconic writer and master of insults, can help.

Adorned with 100 insults from the Bard's many works, this poster from Curious Charts Commission (Amazon, $25) is the perfect reference piece to hang in your home or office for when you're struggling to think of the perfect takedown for anyone who crosses you. To help you get started, the 18-inch-by-24-inch poster is broken up into sections that include food and drink; types of individuals; inanimate objects; bodily qualities; creatures; and—of course—personal attributes and traits. Once you’ve decided the optimal route to take, you have a wide array of put-downs to choose from, ranging from “Were I like thee, I’d throw away myself,” to slightly simpler ones like, “You egg!”

The only drawback to the poster is that you can't take it everywhere with you. But the 14-ounce Shakespeare insults mug ($16), on the other hand, is the perfect choice for snark on the go. So next time a chatty co-worker tries to tell you about their weekend before you've even had your Monday morning coffee, you can simply look up and call them the "anointed sovereign of sighs and groans."

A mug decorated with Shakespeare insults.
Shakespeare insult mug from Unemployed Philosopher's Guild.
Unemployed Philosopher's Guild/Amazon

If, after all that, you’re still struggling to find the words, Shakespeare’s Insults: Educating Your Wit ($12), a book of 5000 slights pulled from 38 of Shakespeare’s plays, can be of assistance. Or, you can help heal a physical wound by dishing out an emotional one with these Shakespearean insult bandages ($6). You get 15 in a pack, and each box comes with a prize inside. 

Shakespeare Insult Bandages.
Shakespeare insult bandages found on Amazon.
Accoutrements/Amazon

Beyond a repertoire of insults, Shakespeare also coined many words we still use today. Check out the full list here.

Mental Floss has affiliate relationships with certain retailers and may receive a small percentage of any sale. But we choose all products independently and only get commission on items you buy and don't return, so we're only happy if you're happy. Thanks for helping us pay the bills!

These Eco-Friendly Bags Are Organic and Break Down in 18 Months or Less

A-Zero
A-Zero

If you’re looking to cut down on the amount of single-use plastics in your life, then reach for these fully compostable organic bags.

The A-Zero bags (which are available on Kickstarter here) may look a lot like their plastic counterparts, but they’re actually made from vegetable starch. According to the campaign, these totes are 100 percent organic, are harmless to nature, and can break down in a matter of 18 months—unlike plastic bags, which take hundreds of years. Each bag also features unique designs created by different artists from all over the world.

When it comes to sizes, you have a few different options. The smallest bag, ideal for snacks and sandwiches, is leak-proof and freezer-friendly, and can even be used in the microwave. A-Zero also makes leak-proof trash bags, grocery bags that can hold up to 18 pounds of food, and a refillable bag dispenser that can hold 20 or more grocery bags and can clip onto a backpack or purse.

You might be thinking that you already have a reusable tote at home, but unfortunately, these also have a detrimental effects on the environment. A 2011 British government study [PDF] estimated that with all the water and energy it takes to create a cotton bag, each one has a carbon footprint of 598.6 pounds of CO2, compared to a plastic bag’s 3.48 pounds.

With $22,522 raised, A-Zero bags already surpassed its original $8000 goal. But you can still help bring the project to life and get your own eco-friendly bags by heading here. Pledge tiers start at $29, and the campaign will be live until April 11.

Mental Floss has affiliate relationships with certain retailers and may receive a small percentage of any sale. But we choose all products independently and only get commission on items you buy and don't return, so we're only happy if you're happy. Thanks for helping us pay the bills!

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