6 of Reddit's Novelty Poets

Reddit has a community for every taste. It has a lot of sections about poetry, where poets and poetry fans can meet and trade verse. But some of those poets have escaped and roam the entire site, leaving their work as comments on all kinds of topics under novelty accounts that have drawn their own fans. Let’s meet a few of them.

1. HAIKUBERRY FIN

perc10 via imgur

HaikuberryFin responds to comments with haikus. His works fit the technical definition of a haiku—three lines, with the first and third having five syllables, and the middle line having seven—even if the results don't always seem very poetic. Here’s one from a thread about the picture above:

Typical hipsters. They think everything's better if it's on vinyl.

And another, from a thread about making gun triggers child-proof, like medicine bottles:

In order to shoot, you must solve this Rubik's Cube. Booyah, problem solved.

2. IN HAIKU I SPEAK

Redditor inhaikuispeak leaves comments in haiku form as if he was programmed from birth to express every thought in 17 syllables. In a thread about a foreign threat to send Ebola to President Obama, he responded with this:

In other news this: Studies show all countries have Some crazy people

And on a thread about guarding the last remaining white rhinos:

Six rhinos remain They slumber under the guard Of these men and guns

3. HAIKU ROBOT

Redditor haiku_robot doesn’t write poetry, but finds it in others’ comments. The account, which might be a person or just a bot, runs searches for reddit comments that contain 17 syllables. If the fifth and twelfth syllables don’t occur in the middle of a word, then the comment is a potential haiku, and only needs to be formatted. The latest one was under a post about a cat wearing a monkey costume. 

4. LIMERICK AND MORTY

abc123itsunme via imgur

Limerick_and_Morty, as you might guess, posts limericks. Many are not for polite company, but here is one that’s okay to publish, from a thread about a couple of kids who started a yard work business.

My friend Jack leaned over and said, "Yo! I've got a swell idea for you bro! We'll rake up some leaves, Leave rich as thieves, We'll call it Two Men and a Hoe!"

5. POEM FOR YOUR SPROG

Poem_for_your_sprog is a well-known poet both on reddit and elsewhere. Sam Garland even has his own subreddit. But you’ll see his contributions in various threads on a wide range of subjects anyway. Here’s a poem he wrote to commemorate 9/11.

I wonder ... I wonder, if there in your mind, Do you still remember that moment behind? That singular second; that instant of then; When everything stopped, and the world changed again? I wonder ... I wonder, if there in your dreams, Is everything different or still as it seems? Do you ever pause to consider the Earth? Do you ever ask what security's worth? I wonder ... I wonder, if there in your world, Has empathy, wisdom, or hatred uncurled? Are you more distrustful, or do you recall: United we stand, but divided we fall? Remember, whatever your future may be, I hope that that it's happy and healthy and free. Remember to love, and to laugh, and to give. Remember September 11th, and live.

Not all Garland’s poetry is serious, or long. Here’s one from his book announcement.

There's little fortune found in rhyme, And so I'll tell you true: Enjoy the art, and take your time, And mostly - write for you.

The book is The Mouse in the Manor House (and other poems). You can see more poetry at his Facebook page.

6. THE LAST LINE WON’T RHYME

Redditor thelastlinewontrhyme produces poetry that works well with the subject at hand, and has good cadence and rhyme—except for the last line. You can say he delivers what he promises. Here’s a poem written for a thread about the death of an old truck.

After years of roaming on the open road This truck has carried it's final load Driving it's owner both far and near Especially when he was short on beer And now to enter the eternal night It's gone ahead and it's been set alight But have no fear as it feels no pain For in Car-Heaven it shall ride again Through pearly gates it shall pass For it no longer runs on diesel

And here’s a congratulatory poem he wrote for Poem_for_your_sprog. 

I came to wish you congratulations But at the same time some salutations. I've always been a fan of your stuff It's very refreshing from the normal fluff. I'm new to the world of account novelty, If this was my job I'd live in poverty. While I stopped by I also wanted to say I hope you have a wondrous Cake Day. While I really enjoy this and do it for fun, I won't rest until I'm poet number two!