by Jenny Morrill
Kids have always been fascinated with the stuff adults try not to think about. Rude noises, bodily functions, and poop are part of most kids' repertoire of jokes, and toy companies have long been taking advantage of this. Some of the following games might be familiar to you—you might have even played them yourself at one point. But they all have one thing in common: you probably wouldn't play them in front of polite company.
Theme: Dog poop.
Object: Feed the dog and scoop up the "presents" he leaves behind.
Although invented in the late 1990s, Doggie Doo didn't reach the market until 2009. Now it's something of a household name, although not every parent is completely happy with the idea, and some have boycotted the game altogether.
Gameplay is pretty simple—feed the dog with special yellow "dog food," then roll the dice. The number on the dice is the number of times you must then pump the handle on the dog's lead. After a random amount of pumps, the "food" will come out of the dog's other end. Scoop the poop and you win!
2. SILLY MOO
Theme: Cow milking/cow pats.
Object: Milk the cow and try not to make the cow do a pat on you.
This game works in a similar way to Doggie Doo—you roll the dice then pull the cow's udders the corresponding number of times. Then the cow will either drop a pint of milk from its front (already in its bottle thankfully) or a cowpat from its behind.
3. BIG JOHN
Theme: Toilet blocking.
Object: Empty your “scuzz bucket” into the toilet and flush it.
Released in 1994 by Parker Brothers, Big John is the “electronic flush and burp game.” Each player has a bucket full of “scuzzies” (green balls of goo) which they have to empty into Big John and flush the handle. Big John then makes a flushing noise. However, if Big John gets too full, he will burp and release all the “scuzzies” out of his U-bend.
On one hand, this game might help younger kids along with toilet training. On the other hand, there's probably been a rise in the number of keys and wallets being flushed down the toilet since 1994.
4. EAT AT RALPH'S
Object: Feed Ralph your leftover food, and try not to make him throw up.
It's probably obvious by now that most games of this ilk follow a similar pattern, and 1992's Eat At Ralph's is no exception. Roll the dice, then feed Ralph the corresponding amount of food. This game also has another option: if your dice lands on “stuff,” you can attempt to feed Ralph as much food as possible.
What happens when Ralph eats too much? You guessed it, he throws up all over the table. Thankfully, he only throws up the pretend food you just fed him. While the game would probably work just as well with actual food, any kids trying to make Ralph throw up the real stuff would likely find themselves grounded pretty quickly.
5. GOOEY LOUIE
Object: Pick Louie's nose until his brains fly out of his head.
We've saved the worst for last. (Yes, this is more disgusting than a poop-scooping game.)
Louie is a plastic head with long strings of snot hanging from his nose. One of the snots is attached to his brain via a rubber band, and pulling that snot will cause his brain to break free and spring from the top of his head.
Why would anyone on Earth want to spend their time picking someone else's nose? There's possibly only one game that beats this: Piggin' Boogers.
With Piggin' Boogers, the snot is a lot more realistic than Gooey Louie's, considerably upping the gross-out factor.
It's kind of like Russian Roulette, but with pig snot. Only one of the pigs has a snotty nose, and the goal is to guess which nose to stick your finger in. Technically, if you get the snotty nose you win, but in reality, that sounds like a loss.