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Ever since bookmarking the ALA book burning page, I've been traumatized. But F-451, much earlier,Â was the first to initiate me into a nightmareÂ world in which booksÂ wereÂ punishedÂ asÂ silent proxies. And now,Â a Missouri man named Tom Wayne is alsoÂ burning books: "This is the funeral pyre for thought in America today," Wayne told spectators outside his bookstore as he lit the first batch of books. The fire blazed for about 50 minutes before the Kansas City Fire Department put it out... READ ON

Very sad to learn about the passing of Don Herbert, most famously known as Mr. Wizard. HeÂ died yesterday at the age of 89. He was part Mr. Rogers, partÂ Dick Van Dyke, all legend.Â He was a WWII bomber pilot, Peabody Award recipient, and host of the longest-running show on Nickelodeon, Mr. Wizard's World, an amped-up version ofÂ earlier incarnationsÂ of his show.Â When I was left to my own devices in the 80s, I plugged myself in to Nickelodeon. I loved watchingÂ Mr. Wizard welcome such... READ ON

It's just that name generators are so much fun...

They just are! Smurf name generators, Mafia name generators, anagram generators, palindrome generators, et al. They're kind of like the modern day version of toy vending machines: put in a quarter & get a really cool useless ring. Or MASH: live in Seattle with 45 kids and a hot pink Oscar Meyer Wienermobile. So here'sÂ my new favorite generator--"the Amazing and Incredible, Only-slightly-Laughable, Politically Unassailable,Â PoMo English Title Generator"--via the lovely Gwenda--that'll take a listing... READ ON

We're nearing the 50th anniversary of the interment of a certain famous '57 Plymouth. The car is the piece de rÃ©sistance of a time capsule created by Tulsa residents and lowered into a well on the courthouse lawn. The car, which also contains "fourteen bobby pins, a ladies' compact plastic rain cap, several combs, a tube of lipstick, a pack of gum, a wad of Kleenex, $2.73 in bills and coins, a pack of cigarettes with matches, an unpaid parking ticket, and a bottle of tranquilizers," will be... READ ON

So the weekend is here, Paris is back in jail, and Mercury is about to turn retrograde. It pains me to see pictures of anyone crying, so I'm thinking about mailing Paris a bunch of backordered Don Divas, Darkness at Noon, some Nikki Giovanni, and some Adrian Nicole LeBlanc. I hope Paris does feel inspired to find creative ways to act out while at the unfortunately named Twin Towers Correctional Facility. And since one in every 32 adults was in a prison, jail, on probation, or on parole at the end of 2005,... READ ON

Second Life: do you have one?

So I'm really just talking about the social networking/virtual world site, Second Life.Â As part of its virtual atmosphere, SL converts users into avatars,Â also referred toÂ asÂ "residents." SL has so far attracted 7 million registered users, and Sweden recentlyÂ openedÂ aÂ Second LifeÂ embassy, complete withÂ a room dedicatedÂ to WWII humanitarian Raoul Wallenberg. DuringÂ the month of May, Second Life hosted theirÂ first virtualÂ job fairÂ ("In World Interviews. Real World... READ ON

Hairshirts: who's wearing them, who's not

Hairshirts used to be the clothing article de rigueur for penance and mortification. I mean, if you bust one out now, no one's going to argue that it's anything less, but to an extent they've had their moment. Beyond their famous use by ascetics, lay persons also wore them periodically to stave off the corporeal temptations, and men of note sometimes wore them under their robes. Today only the Carthusians and Carmelites can be seen wearing them--some orders banished them because donning them became viewed... READ ON

Some ice for your tube ride

While we're on the subject of international mass transit, ifÂ you frequent the London Underground, you might soon be benefiting from a cooling systemÂ that'sÂ more rudimentary than you'd think: melting blocks of ice. They'd be positioned in refrigerated holding tanks located beneath passenger seats; whenever the train goes underground, refrigerationÂ gets shut off to prompt melting. When the train goes back up, the ice refreezes. Engineers hope to debut this "technology" as soon as next... READ ON

Robotic hand: play me some Beethoven

So maybe you're looking for an idiosyncratic Father's Day or graduation gift? This beauteous creation will commence one of five classical piano pieces whenever you give it the old clap-on cue. As a household fixture, it seems like this could go either way: either it'll complement the owner's eccentricity, or it'll threaten that tenuous hold on sanity. Anything with motorized digits reeks a little bit of an obsession with The Gloved One, or at least some askew homage to a Nintendo power glove. Personally, I... READ ON

The Silent Disco

Disco checklist: White pants, platforms, hair pick...& wireless headphones. Silent discos have been modestly sweeping Europe since theyÂ were createdÂ in 2002 by two Dutch DJs, DJ OD and NO DJ (Quick! Say those names together five times fast). These dudes are pumping some solidarity back into our direct-to-headphones culture. Before the silent part was introduced, the discos were just regular old--and frequently illegal--bashes. In an attempt to avoid censure, the DJs decided to simultaneously... READ ON

Pausing to remember...Beanie Babies

Ah, Beanie Babies. Back in their heyday, my little sister took to collecting them with disturbing zeal. Suddenly, there was commercial interest not just from her Nerds Rope-addled matrix of grade school associates, but from adult neighbors with disposable cash andÂ aÂ house flipping gene. There were times I'd enter her room just to observe their impeccably organized assemblage...I stared at them and they stared back.Â Of course, those were the timesÂ my sisterÂ would rush in with three new... READ ON

New printers stanching the flow of ink

Here comes the inkless printer! Frustrated by the lack of functionality in several strains of e-paper,Â the wonderful peopleÂ atÂ XeroxÂ in Palo Alto and Canada have been hard at work creating a functional, erasable paper that might not perform as many gymnastics as e-paper, but could still throw a kink into the bottomless-salad world of present day office paper. This new kind of paper absorbs characters superimposed upon it by U.V. source printers for up to 24 hours, at which point the paper will... READ ON

Alewives: a very different kind of wife

I was watching someone's excellent sketch audition reel the other day, and almost completely lost it duringÂ one of his requisiteÂ animal characters--it was anÂ impersonation of a certain pupating insect, and it was genius. I'll post as soon as it's public. I've had my own regrettable, inadvertent run-ins withÂ theater games, and shape shifting was never my, um,Â bailiwick. ButÂ even if I were really good,Â I still think I'd have a hard time capturing the essence of the alewife (Alosa... READ ON

Towels: the most useful items in the universe

If your coworkers came to work this morning clutching towels, sure, they could just be really excited about the long weekend. But since it's May 25th, it's more likely they're banding with other Douglas Adams fansÂ toÂ commemorateÂ Towel Day. I came to Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy via its MS-DOS Apple IIe game version--'90 was a long, dryÂ summer, and I needed to engage in fantasies in which the phenomenal world no longer existed. So: towels. For those of us who are sans towel today, here's... READ ON

Extreme Croquet

Yes, another extreme version of a sport or hobby (extreme ironing being my favorite). The good people over at the Connecticut eXtreme Croquet Society have bonded together against the more milquetoast croquet aficionados; their mission statement declaresÂ them asÂ "dedicated to enjoying eXtreme croquet, nature, and the near-death experience!â„¢" Any extremeÂ course will likely be channelling Herbert Swope, whose "course was so large that players had to shout to one another. It had sand traps,... READ ON

The Great Lakes...If they were on IMDB

The Great Lakes have always loomed Mt. Rushmore-like in my life. I grew up in Michigan and my dad is a sailor, so from a young age I knew to be ashamed if I couldn't rattle off the stats: "They-contain-1/5-of-the-world's-fresh-surface-water!" and "Lake-Superior-is-larger-than-South-Carolina!" or... READ ON

Is today your birthday? Probably not.

Ok, so yes, I was loitering on Birthdays by Rexanne today, trying to find out the bottom line on Survivor-themed parties (don't ask). And I couldn't help noticing that today, May 22nd, is the least common birthday in the U.S. This is all according to a 2001 survey conducted by (now defunct) anybirthday.com. Apparently, October 5th is the most common...Which, sure, I get: New Year's, pressure, bubbles; but what's wrong with August 22nd? I can't think of any real reason, other than on that date in 565 the... READ ON

Oh very young: what will you leave us this time?

An 18 year-old girl from Long Beach is now the youngest person to have climbed Mt. Everest. She made the climb with her father, and you can read about her experience on her blog. Props to you, Ms. Larson! Now she can feel free to move on to a different kind of acclimatization: freshman orientation. And here's a list of some other young notables: Arfa Karim Randhawa, 10, youngest person to be certified as a Microsoft engineer; she met Bill Gates and asked him "why children were not allowed to work for... READ ON

Leeches: up to more than just appropriating blood

I'm not sure about you, but leeches have always occupied a major role in my subconscious. I'll attribute that to an early brush with a colony of the hermaphroditic dears, a somber first viewing of Stand By Me, and a cathartic summer spent impaling buckets full of them onto fish hooks (walleyes freaking love them). The kinds of leeches that suck blood can handle a load up to five times their size, a meal that can last them the next six months. If you've ever had a leech sidle up to you, you probably won't... READ ON

Something borrowed, something blue, and something made of meat

Hmm. Something to consider for the freaky, betrothed, and anemic: a wedding cake made out of ground beef. For reals. This cake was lovingly conjured--"on a dare"--by one intrepid chef at Black Widow Bakery. The result was so...intense...that it's since inspired a whole "meat cake gallery." There's no real proof (please prove me wrong) these alterna-cakes have seen the inside of a wedding reception, but who knows? Maybe 2007 will prove the year of the meat cake yet! And since I've been on a superstition... READ ON

A mid-week dose of tips and superstitions

In the midst of all life's fretting and planning and schlepping, don't we all just want a time-out to focus on...our domestic... READ ON

World Cup for Johnny Fives

Yes, I'm obsessed with Short Circuit. Yes, in my book Steve Guttenberg can do no wrong. But more importantly, I love AI...And those AI troubadours are always thinking up new ways to slip a little robot power into world consciousness. Hence: Robocup! Since 1993, this World Cup for robots pits all the latest versions against their Beckham-ian brothers. According to Robocup headquarters, their official goal is summed up as follows: "By 2050, develop a team of fully autonomous humanoid robots that can win... READ ON

Another take on banned books

Artist Martin Konrad's series of bound and otherwise afflicted books reifies the concept of intellectual contraband. He has recreated actual banned books and presents them as full-on incendiary items in all their overt--if not absurd--armor. His statement elaborates: based on concepts 'dirty' and 'book'. series of books as reminder of ongoing censorship and restrictions on intellectual freedom. cover with information on censorship of specific book. first amendment of bill of rights to US constitution... READ ON

Oh, the joys of stress relief toys. When I was a kid, my friends and I used to get together at recess and fill balloons with all-purpose flour. Those were good times. Until my dog got "stressed." I always liked the idea of stress toys--basically capitalizing on the chewing-gum-with-your-hands reflex--but somehow, when I'm really stressed, I never end up resorting to any of these toys. I usually just seethe in privacy, but hey, I'm working on it. Here are a few derivatives on the classic "ball"... READ ON

Roadkill art: not quite necromancy, but...

If you're driving any of the more trafficked roads in Illinois, you might come across some of Jessica May's art. She's been busy playing undertaker to the most recent waves of roadkill, choosing to leave them in their original locations of impact but adorning them "in pet and baby clothes" and leaving many of them with their nails done: Although she has dressed, and given some manicures, to three raccoons and three possums, she said she is not trying to make a political statement: "I'm not trying to be... READ ON

Some laws I get. Others seem like edicts drafted during some legislative mad-libs session. When I was living in Ann Arbor, there was a law circulating that went as follows: your body can be considered an open container (i.e. Bud tab is to beer what your mouth is to, well, that same beer--or some nasty jungle juice). There are numerous sites devoted to compiling the more entertaining U.S. laws, and here are some of my favorite selections: A person must be 18 years old to buy a wax container. (CA) No... READ ON

Toothpaste fetish?

People keep calling our office and offering free dental appointments, and we were finally so sick of taking their calls that I threw myself under the bus and agreed: fine--shower me with your comped dentistry! I don't mind going to the dentist--as long as the incline angle on the chair incline isn't drastically obtuse--and I love keeping up with the latest kinds of toothpaste hand-outs. When I was a kid, a favorite pastime was gargling with concoctions that would highlight where your teeth were hoarding... READ ON

You sure that bouquet means what you think?

It's May, and there's no shortage of occasions for which flowers are appropriate. This and that mother could use some, the graduating nieces, not to mention the wedding party cast. I used to work for a florist in high school, and when they finally flung some FTD orders my way, I was schooled. There'd be the frustrated long-distance boyfriend who wanted something "simple and stunning" for his allergic-to-everything girl, the embarrassing dictation of greeting cards, and, finally, there was the man who... READ ON

Is your name also an apparatus?

I've always been fascinated by devices named after girls--the spinning jenny, the catherine wheel, the lazy susan. As a child, one of my favorite things to do was to spin the lazy susan--I mean really leaning some torque into it--when my parents weren't looking, causing all of the condiments and ceremonial objects of decoration to fling across the room. Some theories claim Thomas Jefferson coined the term after his daughter, Susan, and her protestations at having to lift a finger at dinner. The wheel, of... READ ON

Reader opinion requested: Should these campus games be banned?

When I was in high school, my life was wanting for espionage. I was too restless to devote much time to online RPGs--the only really popular one was Quake, and although it was scored by NIN, I was too recently out of nerddom to take part in virtual death matches. But by my junior year in high school, the pendulum of cool was nudging back over to the subversive, kinda nerdy side. MTV's "Daria" was in and my gentlemen friends who'd fared puberty intact could pregame for QuakeCon and still reasonably get a... READ ON

Roller Coasters...Vis-Ã -Vis Relationship Psychology

Sometimes there's nothing more apt or consoling than a monstrous clichÃ©. So, uh, life is like a roller... READ ON

Hirsute Goodness

There's just something about a man who's not afraid to take his facial hair to the next level. Reggie Jackson, John Oates, G. Gordon, Mr. Monopoly, the Selleck--all such mustachioed legends. This fall, members of Beard Team USA will travel to the UK to compete at the World Beard and Moustache championships. It's not too late to get on board--according to their site, Beard Team USA is currently recruiting: The team is actively recruiting new members in the hope of fielding the strongest possible squad for... READ ON

Hold the ice, but please do add the pit viper

Spring's here, and if you're already shooting here-we-go-again looks at your middling liquor cabinet, perhaps it's time to change things up a bit at your next gathering. True, Trader Joe's does have the best deals on drinkable sake, but it gets rather old floating your friends' drinks with lemon wedges and cucumber slices, no? Wouldn't it be more exhilarating for your guests to hold their drinks up to the light only to find a finely coiled habu snake at the bottom? Habus are pit vipers found throughout... READ ON

Happy Birthday, Ulysses

On this day in 1822, the regal (and rather woeful) face that stares you down from your fifty-dollar bills--Hiram (after his granddad) Ulysses Grant--was born in Point Pleasant, OH. The future Union powerhouse and 18th U.S president suffered the childhood nickname "Useless"--sloughing it off when he enrolled in West Point at seventeen, where he proved a peerless horseman (a skill that earned him some notoriety later in life when he was ticketed $20 for driving his horse too fast). After serving as a... READ ON

Caitlin Berrigan is an artist who's been receiving a lot of attention for a series called "Sentimental Objects in Attempts to Befriend a Virus." In one part of the series, "Viral Confections," she cast chocolate truffles from a mold of a hepatitis C virus (pictured). Caitlin contracted the virus during a blood transfusion she received when she was an infant. On her site she explains: These designer chocolates illustrate the inventive protein structure of the hepatitis C virus. A plaster model of the virus... READ ON

Whenever myÂ parentsÂ are stressed,Â they'll head to the shooting range. My cousins will throw darts, and my brother and sister will lean their anxiety into endless rounds of World of Warcraft. I'd love to be able to say I shoot marbles into simulated lunar soil at 16k mph, like NASA scientist Bill Cooke, but I don't. Not yet, at least. "We are simulating meteoroid impacts with the lunar surface," he explains. Cooke and others in the Space Environments Group at NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center... READ ON

Bug Juice...Kind Of

The next time you're drinking Campari, or certain kinds of fruit juices (cranberry, grapefruit, et al.), give some props to the cochineal bug.Â (And not, as some urban legends attest,... READ ON

Honor Thy Goldfish...With Peas

When I wasÂ growing up, goldfish were the ultimate contraband. The easy-access packaging (a Ziplock bag, usually) was too tantalizing, and my mother was oftenÂ too exhaustedÂ to resist our solicitations. But few were the hours before my sister was crouched over the fishbowl, gingerly lifting the doomed thing out of its habitat and into herÂ Fritos-stained hands--"I'mÂ petting him!"Â The ones that weren't tortured this way were usually belly-up within weeks; however, if we'd been aware that many... READ ON

Lady Cab Driver...Please Lose the Henna?

I've always secretly wanted to drive truck for a brief stint--or hey, maybe cabs. Reading all that Daniel HandlerÂ (while listening to Prince's "Lady Cab Driver")Â has romanticized the notion of the female cabbie for me. But I might want to keep those inclinations stateside, or at least just out of China. According to a recent "self-improvement list" issued by the Beijing Transportation Management Bureau in preparation for the '08 Olympic Games, cabbies must now adhere to stricter personal appearance... READ ON

Flamingos...The Gnomes Still Have Nothing On Them

I was recentlyÂ listening to anÂ interview with writer and historian Jennifer Price, and I was interested to hear her say that the current ratio in the U.S.Â for lawn ornament flamingos to real ones is 700 to... READ ON

Cabbage Patch Kids...A Very Different Kind of CPK

Back when I was trying to get in touch with Mr. Xavier Roberts, expert needle molder and creator of the Cabbage Patch Dolls empire, the receptionists at Babyland General HospitalÂ could sniff around all myÂ aliases. Though I neverÂ got through to him,Â IÂ did spend a lot of time on hold learning all about theÂ adoption process--C-sections (uh, that's Cabbage-section), birth certificates, everything. If it had been in the budget, I might have considered a visit, if for no other reason than to... READ ON

A Chatty Surrogacy

Speaking of things we do to raise smart babies...Consider the plight of Castaway, a pregnant bottlenose dolphin who's due any minute. When dolphins are deaf, they're not able to echolocate in order to defend them against predators, and that's a rough sentence for a dolphin in captivity.Â Castaway wasÂ rescuedÂ last November and has since been stayingÂ atÂ Key Largo'sÂ Marine Mammal Conservancy. Her calf is about to be born any day, and tests confirm its hearing abilities are normal. To make... READ ON

While You File That Extension: Eggs Benedict

It's National Eggs Benedict Day. And with all the poor dears coming out of the woodwork this weekend with tax debacles, I can't think of anything more soothing than the never underrated mucilage of Eggs Benedict.Â And in whose honor do we partake of thisÂ brunch heavyweight? Apparently, his name is Lemuel Benedict, and he woke up one morning in 1894 with a ripping hangover;Â naturally, heÂ sought outÂ a breakfast thatÂ mightÂ aspire to cure his condition.Â HisÂ low blood sugarÂ made him... READ ON

Up Against the History of Luck...

I don't know about you, but my day's been awesome. But maybe that's just because I'm not suffering fromÂ paraskavedekatriaphobia and I'm notÂ living in a Norse myth. The one that's helped give 13 a bad name involves a Valhalla dinner party gone wrong...12 gods were throwing down, and when Loki--the uninvited, 13th god--showed up, he was so offended at the extent of their good time that he tricked the blind god of darkness into killing the god of joy and gladness; hence, the mayhem of thirteen. And a... READ ON

Coyotes: They're Just Like Us

I know this is an animal post, but it's not exactly ripped from the annals of Cute Overload. A coyote recently entered a Quiznos in downtown Chicago, heading straight for the drinks cooler, whereÂ he remained lodged until he was brutally (it's not just me--watch the video) removed by an Animal Control officer. I know coyotes attack, but is this kind of treatment really necessary? It was coweringÂ next to a row ofÂ SoBe Leans--most likely wounded and described by witnesses as "passive."Â In almost... READ ON

RPGs have caused a lot ofÂ upset before--gamers are an easy target, surely--butÂ ifÂ games get in the wrong (and perhaps improperly medicated?) hands, they get in the wrong hands. Recently, a robbery was committed in the (quasi) name of Shadowrun, a popular urban fantasy RPG: Robert Boyd, 45, from Broadlands in Carrickfergus, held up staff at the Orchid shop in Belfast disguised in a wig, hat and glasses. He told the court he had been in a role-playing game at the time and may have blurred... READ ON

Number 5 is SO Alive

If you're a glutton for the early work of Ally Sheedy and Steve Guttenberg (were they ever to reunite again?), you were probably curled up with your PopplesÂ back in the 80s, watching Short Circuit on VHS (or Beta). I know I was. A robot with a Christ complex? Golden. I've always enjoyed fan fic (WB shows circa '98, cough cough, DIY Dawson soliloquies),Â and I'veÂ alwaysÂ enjoyed fan sites (don't visit John Candy'sÂ when you're already feeling blue).Â Welcome, Johnny-Five.com. And if you're... READ ON

That Other Power Hour

Around the end of the 19th century, the French were fond of christening cocktail hours "l'heure verte" in honor of all the absinthe people were knocking... READ ON

Leatherbacks in the Land of Darwin

If you're sick of racing snapping turtles in your driveway, you might want to consider attending (or "attending")Â The Great Turtle Race, April 16th-29th; sponsorship & donation proceeds will benefit leatherback conservation. Eleven very intrepid leatherback turtles will beÂ pitted against each other in the crawl from Costa Rica toÂ the GalapagosÂ Islands (their feeding grounds & Darwin's muse)--it's kind of like a reptile Amazing Race, and the casting is killer. Here's Genevieve, one of the... READ ON

Oh, they do. And here's proof: menwhoknit.com, where there are forums, insightful polls (e.g. "How do you pronounce the word skein?" & "Would you rip out your work to fix a mistake?"), event listings, and a Cafe Press store. I don't know that the content is necessarily gender particular, but the community certainly protects its niche--though it seems to be tongue-in-cheek and not equivocally defensive. Or maybe it's just the Midwest? The Detroit News covered this a while back, and found some men who stand... READ ON

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