The Dilemma: They’re both dogs, right? And they’re both Disney characters. So why’s one of them walking around on two legs and chatting up a storm while the other’s resigned to barking on all fours and lapping from a water bowl?

People You Can Impress: Mickey, Minnie, Scrooge McDuck, Dumbo, Darkwing Duck, Lady, the Tramp, Chip, Dale, and Baloo Bear from TaleSpin*

The Quick Trick: Goofy talks; Pluto doesn’t.

The Explanation:
To begin with, cartoon dogs are generally not known as “dogs” but as “dawgs.” Believe it or not, this convention dates all the way back to the 1920s. So neither Goofy nor Pluto is a dog; they are both dawgs. Pluto, however, is a pet, whereas Goofy is equal to (albeit stupider than) the other anthropomorphized residents of the Disney universe.

A character similar to Pluto first appeared in 1930 as a bloodhound named Rover. Rover quickly became Minnie Mouse’s pet dog, and then Disney changed his name to Pluto and made Mickey Mouse the owner. Over the years, the versatile Pluto has also played Donald Duck’s pet dog. In fact, Pluto was among the most popular Disney characters in the ’30s and ’40s, often appearing in his own cartoons opposite such friends as Dinah the Dachshund and such enemies as Chip ’n’ Dale, who went on to have their own success as Rescue Rangers.

But Pluto has fallen out of favor lately: He was the only major character not featured in 1984’s Mickey’s Christmas Carol. Goofy, whose full name is Goofy Goof, has fared far better, perhaps because kids prefer their dawgs talking. Goofy debuted in 1932, and was known variously as Dippy Dawg (see?!), Mr. Geef, and Dippy the Goof before his name was solidified in 1934. The highlight of Goofy’s early career was 1951’s No Smoking, in which he fights a nicotine craving to hilarious effect. Goofy’s star faded for decades: Between 1961 and the mid-1990s, the professional doofus nearly disappeared from the Disney pantheon. But what a comeback he’s made. After the success of his TV show Goof Troop, Goofy has become a star in many of Disney’s direct-to-DVD animations, including 2000’s An Extremely Goofy Movie, which we regret to report is also An Extremely Cloying Movie. Pluto should be so lucky as to have the comeback his chatty, pants-wearing pal has enjoyed.

Pluto vs. Other Tiny Planets
Some astronomers argue that a celestial object, currently known by the catchy name 2003UB313, is more of a planet than Pluto is—and that it either should be the ninth planet or kids should have to memorize a tenth planet name. That said, it’s definitely going to mess up a lot of mnemonic devices: “My Very Earnest Mother Just Served Us Nine Pickles 2003UB313” just doesn’t roll off the tongue.

*Note: Several years ago, our friend Hank bet us that we could never get “Baloo Bear” into a book. Checkmate, sir. That will be five American dollars.