Holiday episodes tend to be a bit generic. How many times can you rework A Christmas Carol or The Gift of the Magi into a sitcom plot? Here are a smattering of episodes worth mentioning either because they’re rare, different or just because we like them.
1. A Very Special Bewitched
Bewitched had many traditional Christmas episodes during its eight season run, but 1970's "Sisters at Heart" was controversial enough to require a special introduction by Elizabeth Montgomery at the behest of the show's sponsor, Oscar Mayer:
The plot that was making the network so jumpy was young Tabitha's desire to be sisters with her African-American friend, Lisa. In order to make them look alike, Tabby zaps black polka dots onto her flesh, and white ones on Lisa's. No doubt the episode would still be controversial today, thanks to Tabitha's brief appearance in blackface. The original story was submitted by a 10th grade English class at L.A.'s Thomas Jefferson High School.
2. Whoa, Jablonsky!
It's Christmas time at the Bundy house, which means Al is feeling more depressed than ever: "The stockings were hung round Dad's neck like a tie, along with a note that said 'Presents or Die.'"
As he plugs in a string of faulty lights he grumbles and wishes he'd never been born. Quicker than you can say "It's a Bundyful Life," guardian angel Sam Kinison pops in to show Al what his family would be like had he never existed. Married...with Children put an evil twist on the classic James Stewart film, revealing a universe in which Peggy cooked wholesome meals, Bud was a gracious young gentleman, and Kelly was a chaste college student. Al decides he wants to live after all... just to make sure his family stayed as miserable as they'd always made him.
3. "The Puppy Santa Brought Me Won't Wake Up!"
Many of us forget that December 25 is a regular work day for a lot of folks — nurses, fire fighters, police...and radio disc jockeys. Thus in the episode entitled "Miracle on Third or Fourth Street" we find Dr. Frasier Crane in the studio on Christmas day, taking calls from (as his disgruntled producer Roz predicted) the loneliest and most depressed people in the listening area. After his shift ends, Frasier (uncharacteristically dressed in old jeans and a torn sweatshirt) finds a diner that's open and treats himself to a turkey log with mashed potatoes. When he discovers that he's left his wallet at the station, his down-on-their-luck fellow diners — thinking he's homeless — pool their coins to pay for his dinner. Of course, Frasier is so touched by this "true meaning of Christmas" moment that he has to walk home in the snow rather than risk being seen climbing into his BMW.
4. The Draft Dodger
"The Draft Dodger" first aired in 1976, four years before President Jimmy Carter granted amnesty to those men who'd fled to Canada to avoid conscription into the military during the Vietnam War. David Brewster, a draft-dodging pal of the Meathead, has been living in Canada but decides to risk a visit to the U.S. in order to spend the holidays with his old friend (since his own father refuses to see him). Meanwhile, Archie has invited his old friend Pinky Peterson (whose only son died in Vietnam) for Christmas dinner. Mike and Gloria struggle to keep David's fugitive status a secret from Archie, but once it's revealed, it results in a heated debate. Archie, a World War II veteran who served his country when called, argues that no one wants to go to war and get killed, but a true American obeys his government. Pinky, on the other hand, believes that if his son was still alive he'd welcome David at the dinner table. A poignant and thought-provoking episode that in many ways is still relevant today.
5. I Guess I'll Lick My Lolly Later
"Don't Bring Your Guns to Town, Santa" was a departure for The Partridge Family; not only did it feature a lengthy fantasy sequence in which the actors played old-time Western characters, the youngest Partridges (Chris and Tracy) actually had several lines of dialog for a change! Reuben Kincaid was cast as Mean Sidney who stole the town's Christmas bell in the tale, and Danny was the heroic Little the Kid. David Cassidy, as Sheriff Swell, musically narrated the action to the tune of "The Ballad of High Noon." You can watch a 9-minute clip from the episode on YouTube.
6. Like Booze Ever Killed Anybody
There's always one show-off in the office who exceeds the dollar limit on the grab-bag exchange. (Of course, I was never the one who drew that gift; no, my donor always adhered down to the penny, which meant I got gifts like tiny soaps shaped like Santa Claus. A couple of showers later and Santa looked like a suppository. But I digress.) The gang at Dunder Mifflin (The Office) has organized a Secret Santa gift swap with a $20 price limit, but once they start opening presents at the party and see that they range from a video iPod to a hand-knitted oven mitt Michael insists they all play Yankee Swap. Since Michael has added verboten alcohol to the festivities (15 bottles of vodka for 20 people), you just know that things will end up less than jolly.
7. Don't Even Know How to Snow Proper Out Here
No, it's not politically correct to laugh at backwoods uneducated folks who have no knowledge of modern conveniences...but nevertheless there's something charming and heartwarming (and downright funny) about the Clampett family experiencing their very first Christmas in Beverly Hills. Try and not split a gut when Granny mistakes a TV set for a new fangled washing machine.
8. Modern Christmas
This episode of Green Acres provides a new twist on the "longing for an old-fashioned Christmas" trope. Oliver Wendell Douglas wants to celebrate the holiday as the American Farmer of yore—to go out with axe in hand and chop down his own tree, and to decorate it with popcorn from his own corn crib. Of course, nothing is ever that simple in Hooterville. First he finds out that there is a conservation law in effect that prohibits him from cutting down trees, even on his own property. Then he is unable to work up any outrage among his neighbors, who prefer the "modern" method of buying an artificial tree from Drucker's Store, complete with spruce spray squeezers, imitation sap oozers, strings of wax popcorn and fiberglas candy canes. (Watch it here.)
9. Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire
Even though it was actually the eighth episode produced, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire" was the first full-length episode of the series to air. It was broadcast on December 17, 1989 — interestingly enough, the same night of the previously mentioned Married...With Children Christmas classic — and it certainly set the tone for the rest of the series. It's Christmas time, and Bart decides that a "Mother" tattoo would delight and surprise his mom. Marge catches him in the tattoo parlor at the "Moth" stage and has to blow the family's entire Christmas present budget on a laser removal procedure. Homer's expected Christmas bonus doesn't come through, so he takes a job as a department store Santa to earn extra money. When Bart climbs in his lap, he utters "I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?" for the first time. In a last-ditch attempt at raising cash, Homer goes to the dog track and bets on a long shot named Santa's Little Helper. The sluggish greyhound lost the race, but won a new home with the Simpson family.
10. "Three French hens!"
Nothing starts those visions of sugarplums dancing like Lou Grant barking "Three French hens!" And how many chances do we get to see Mary Tyler Moore sporting a World War I German spear-head helmet? Sue Ann Nivens, The Happy Homemaker, is taping her Christmas show ("Holiday Yummies from Worldwide Tummies") in early November. A sudden snowstorm has stranded the WJM newsroom staff, so Sue Ann enlists them to flesh out her dinner table. The only problem is that Murray, Ted, Lou and even gentle angelic Mary have been sniping at each other all day in a series of petty arguments and no one is in a festive mood.
11. Oh Boy, Cheddar Month!
How many times has a relative or co-worker surprised you with a brightly wrapped present after firmly agreeing "no gifts this year"? It happened to the FYI staff when Murphy Brown convinced them all to eschew the fruit baskets and cheeses of the world and to make a donation to charity instead. But, feeling guilty at the last minute, she ignored her own dictate and gave presents to all her co-workers. Her gesture sends the staff into a frenzied bout of last-minute shopping...at the drugstore, the only place open in Washington in the waning hours of Christmas Eve.
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Now is the time to vent your tired-of-shopping, why-can't-people-park-properly, if-I-hear-Santa-Claus-Is-Coming-To-Town-one-more-time-I'll-explode holiday spleens. What is your favorite Christmas episode of a TV show? Why do my choices stink? Let us hear it in the comments.