10 Queen Victoria Quotes on the Miseries of Motherhood

Wikimedia Commons
Wikimedia Commons

Queen Victoria (1819-1901) might be considered the queen of working mothers. She had nine children and ruled the largest empire on earth. But Victoria—Queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, Defender of the Faith, and Empress of India—detested babies, childbirth, and all that muck.

She wrote volumes of letters, both official and personal. Occasionally her true feeling leaked through her official letters, but in her private ones, notably those written to her firstborn daughter Victoria The Princess Royal (Vicky), they positively soaked the page. Below are some choice words Her Majesty had for the business of babies.

1. On children as (basically) parasites

From a letter to her Uncle, the Belgian King, after the birth of her first child, Vicky: "My dearest Uncle,—… I think, dearest Uncle, you cannot really wish me to be the ‘Mamma d'une nombreuse famille,’ for I think you will see with me the great inconvenience a large family would be to us all, and particularly to the country, independent of the hardship and inconvenience to myself; men never think, at least seldom think, what a hard task it is for us women to go through this very often."

Bless your heart Uncle, I just spent the last nine months overseeing the annexation of New Zealand while my body was invaded by a parasite that made me physically ill and eventually split me open like the spear of a Zulu warrior. Please don’t wish me an abundance of this blessing.

2. On children and their daddies

From the same letter: “Our young lady flourishes exceedingly…I think you would be amused to see Albert dancing her in his arms; he makes a capital nurse (which I do not, and she is much too heavy for me to carry), and she already seems so happy to go to him."

Or: Little Vicky and her daddy love each other. Which is good, because Mom is not touching that fat, drooling little rutabaga.

3. On babies as disappointments

"We found our dear little Victoria so grown and so improved, and speaking so plain, and become so independent; I think really few children are as forward as she is. She is quite a dear little companion. The Baby is sadly backward, but also growing, and very strong."

In other words: Vicky is becoming more human, more tolerable! The newborn future King of England however, who at this time must execute the royal duties of crying, sucking his fist, and pooping, is already a great disappointment.

4. On rumors of her daughter being pregnant

"It is most odious but they have spread a report that you & I are both in what I call an unhappy condition!...All who love you hope you will be spared this trial for a year yet.” Victoria further laments how miserable it will be for her daughter to combat homesickness and other trials of being newly married “while ailing and in a state of constant malaise."

Rumors abounded that both the newly married Vicky and her 39-year-old mother were pregnant. They were unfounded, but in Vicky’s case, not for long. In 1859 Vicky gave birth to Wilhelm, who would eventually become Kaiser Wilhelm, the German Emperor fighting WWI against his English first cousin King George V. Grandmamma would never have stood for that foolishness.

5. On her youngest son, Leopold

"…I am no admirer of babies generally – there are exceptions – for instance (your sisters) Alice, and Beatrice were very pretty from the very first – yourself also-rather so - Arthur too...Bertie and Leopold –too frightful. Little girls are always prettier and nicer.”

Leopold was Victoria’s youngest son, and she devotes a truly depressing amount of her personal writing to how much he bothered her. Starting right with his ugly little face at birth.

6. On Baby Doctors ... and Men

Her daughter wrote Victoria that she was preparing her life for the birth of her first baby with finality “the same as a person does that is going to have her head cut off.” Her mother was very sympathetic.

“Oh! If those selfish men – who are the causes of all one’s misery, only knew what their poor slaves go through! What suffering – what humiliation to the delicate feelings of a poor woman…especially with those nasty doctors."

Men are such bungholes.

7. On her daughter wanting to be positive about her pregnancies

The princess decided to put a positive spin on her inevitable pregnancies. Her mom thought she was just adorable for doing that. An adorable cow.

“What you say of the pride of giving life to an immortal soul is very fine, dear, but I own I cannot enter into that; I think much more of our being like a cow or a dog at such moments; when our poor nature becomes so very animal and unecstatic," Victoria wrote her daughter.

8. On which animal infants resemble

“I like them better than I did, if they are nice and pretty…Abstractedly, I have no tender for them till they have become a little human; an ugly baby is a very nasty object – and the prettiest is frightful when undressed. Until about 4 months; in short as long as they have their big body and little limbs and that terrible froglike action.”

9. On the miseries of motherhood

Victoria urged Vicky to not tell her sister, Alice, how soul-shattering the whole baby thing was. She would find out soon enough. "Let me caution, dear child, again, to say as little as you can on these subjects [pregnancy] before Alice (who has already heard much more than you ever did) for she has the greatest horror of having children, and would rather have none -- just as I was when a girl and when I first married -- so I am very anxious she should know as little about the inevitable miseries as possible; so don't forget, dear."

10. On babies ruining lives

From this letter, it appeared that Victoria thought marriage = babies = death of hope and joy. “When I think of a merry, happy, and free young girl -- and look at the ailing aching state a young wife is generally doomed to -- which you can't deny is the penalty of marriage."

In fairness, these were only a portion of the things the Queen said about children; there are many more lines declaring her love and interest in her nine offspring. But those cheerful feelings were not constant, even in a woman who represents the very soul of self-control and propriety. To some of us, it’s a relief to know we’re in such distinguished company.

See Also...

10 Lines From Napoleon's Love Letters That Sound Like Crazy Texts

These quotes were gathered from the pages of Dearest Child: Letters Between Queen Victoria and The Princess Royal 1858-1861 by Roger Fulford.

Amazon's Best Black Friday Deals on Tech, Kitchen Appliances, and More

Amazon
Amazon

This article contains affiliate links to products selected by our editors. Mental Floss may receive a commission for purchases made through these links.

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Watch: In 1948, Idaho Officials Sent 76 Beavers Parachuting Into Idaho’s Wilderness

A young beaver with all four feet firmly on the ground.
A young beaver with all four feet firmly on the ground.
yrjö jyske, Flickr // CC BY 2.0

When people started building up the area around Idaho’s Payette Lake after World War II, its original residents began interfering with irrigation and agricultural endeavors. They weren’t exactly staging an organized protest—they were just beavers doing what beavers do.

Nevertheless, officials at the Idaho Department of Fish and Game decided their best bet was to find a new home for the long-toothed locals. The surrounding wilderness provided plenty of options, but transportation was another issue entirely. Traversing the undeveloped, mountainous terrain would require both trucks and pack animals, and experts knew from past relocation efforts that beavers weren’t fond of either.

“Beavers cannot stand the direct heat of the sun unless they are in water,” department employee Elmo W. Heter explained in a 1950 report [PDF]. “Sometimes they refuse to eat. Older individuals often become dangerously belligerent ... Horses and mules become spooky and quarrelsome when loaded with a struggling, malodorous pair of live beavers.”

To keep Payette Lake’s beavers healthy and happy during the journey, their human handlers would need to find another method of travel. As Boise State Public Radio reports, that’s when Heter suggested making use of their leftover WWII parachutes.

Two beavers would sit inside a wooden box attached to a parachute, which could be dropped from an airplane between 500 and 800 feet above their new home in the Chamberlain Basin. The cables that fastened the box to the parachute would keep it shut during the flight, but they’d slacken enough for the beavers to open the box upon landing. After testing the operation with weights, Heter and his colleagues enlisted an older beaver named Geronimo for a few live trials.

“Poor fellow!” Heter wrote. “You may be sure that ‘Geronimo’ had a priority reservation on the first ship into the hinterland, and that three young females went with him.”

Once Geronimo had certified the safety of the mission, the team began migrating the whole beaver population. During the fall of 1948, a total of 76 beavers touched down in their new territory. It wasn’t without tragedy, though; one beaver fell to his death after a cable broke on his box. Overall, however, the venture was deemed much safer (and less expensive) than any trip on foot would have been. And when department officials checked in on the beavers a year later, they had already started improving their ecosystem.

“Beavers had built dams, constructed houses, stored up food, and were well on their way to producing colonies,” Heter wrote. As Idaho Fish and Game’s Steve Liebenthal told Boise State Public Radio, the area is now part of “the largest protected roadless forest” in the continental U.S.

You can watch the Idaho Fish and Game Commission’s full 14-minute documentary about the process below.

[h/t Boise State Public Radio]