12 Stephen Colbert Quotes for His Birthday

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The actor who created late night's most lovable conservative turns 50 today. To celebrate, here's some wit and wisdom from the man himself.

1. ON HIS EARLY CAREER:

Reddit

"I mostly just said yes to any opportunity to get on stage. Pay or no pay. Equity, amateur, comedy, avant garde, and improv especially. ... As for true doubt, it got under my skin deeply only once. I was newly-married and I was offered a part I would have loved, but no pay. I had worked for six years doing anything, but had made a deal with myself that if I ever was to have family I could support, I would have to insist on pay. A small rule, right? But hard for a young actor to keep. Mostly you don't really get paid. I said no to the part and immediately (I mean within minutes) went into a spiral of panic that lasted for months. I was sure I had made the wrong decision (I hadn't) and would never get a part like it again. But the worst feeling was that I knew I truly wanted to be an actor and there was no turning back now. I was too old to do anything else. This was a feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone. Importantly, I was wrong on all counts. Just keep working as long as you can't think of anything else you could happily do. Keep saying yes."

From a Reddit AMA.

2. ON HIS CHARACTER:

"I think of him as a well-intentioned, poorly informed, high-status idiot."

From an interview with 60 Minutes.

3. ON BEING A PERFECTIONIST:

"I don't mind failing so much, but I am a perfectionist. ... If you're a perfectionist and you know you're about to do something at which you cannot be perfect ... then that is daunting because you know what your heart is like and the way you approach your work."

From an interview with NPR about starring in a theatrical production of Stephen Sondheim's musical Company.

4. ON LAUGHTER:

"I would say laughter is the best medicine. But it's more than that. It's an entire regime of antibiotics and steroids. Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche, and then applies an antibiotic cream. You gotta keep it away from your eyes... Obviously, it's a challenge to make light of the darkness but, um, it's better than crying about it."

From an interview with Entertainment Weekly.

5. ON TRUTHINESS:

"Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came up with the word. I don't know whether it's a new thing, but it's certainly a current thing, in that it doesn't seem to matter what facts are. It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It's certainty. ... I really feel a dichotomy in the American populace. What is important? What you want to be true, or what is true?"

From a 2006 interview with The AV Club.

6. ON DREAMS:

"You have been told to follow your dreams, but what if it’s a stupid dream? For instance, Stephen Colbert of 25 years ago lived at 2015 North Ridge with two men and three women in what I now know was a brothel. He dreamed of living alone—well, alone with his beard—in a large barren loft apartment, with lots of blonde wood, wearing a kimono, with a futon on the floor and a Samovar of tea constantly bubbling in the background, doing Shakespeare in the street for homeless people. Today, I am a beardless suburban dad who lives in a house, wears no-iron khakis and makes Anthony Weiner jokes for a living, and I love it because, thankfully, dreams can change. If we’d all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses."

From the 2011 commencement speech at Northwestern.

7. ON JOY AND HAPPINESS:

"I have a friend, Father Jim Martin. He gave me this card, and it said 'Joy is the surest evidence of the presence of God.' I'm paraphrasing that. Joy can be hard. Joy's not the same thing as happiness. I think happiness is overrated. Happiness can be really facile. ... To be with my wife and children, would be the deepest joy."

From an interview with Oprah Winfrey.

8. ON THE ADVICE HE GIVES PEOPLE:

"I always recommend people get in trouble. Commit yourself to an open mike night or write something and say you're going to read it in public, but get in trouble. You're never going to learn until you fail. ... You have to go out there and figure out what you can do and can't do."

From an interview with Larry King.

9. ON YOUTH, CYNICISM, AND SAYING "YES":

"Don't be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don't learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying 'yes' begins things. Saying 'yes' is how things grow. Saying 'yes' leads to knowledge. 'Yes' is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say 'yes.'"

From his 2006 Knox College Commencement Address.

10. ON FAN MAIL:

"The letters that say 'I'm getting the messages you're sending me through the television screen' are not great. But those are few and far between, thank God. I get wonderful letters, and people send me artwork. I've had all the art people send me digitized ... I have this fantastic set of armor, leather Roman armor, made for me by a fan. It's my size and everything, with my crest in bronze on the front. It's gorgeous. I've got maps of the United States and license plates that say 'Colbert Nation.' I've got masks of me and paintings of me and puzzles of me and triptychs of collages of my life. They're unbelievable, truly heartfelt works of art, and I'm very grateful and I try to write thank you notes when I can."

From an interview with Rolling Stone.

11. HOW IMPROV IS LIKE LIFE:

"There are very few rules to improv, but one of the things I was taught early on is that you are not the most important person on the scene. Everybody else is, and if everybody else is more important than you are, you will naturally pay attention to them and serve them. But the good news is, you’re in the scene too. So hopefully to them you’re the most important person and they will serve you. No one is leading. You’re all following the follower, serving the servant. You cannot win improv, and life is an improvisation. You have no idea what is going to happen next and you are mostly just yanking ideas out of your ass as you go along. And like improv, you cannot win your life."

From his 2011 commencement speech at Northwestern.

12. ON COMEDY AND FEAR:

"Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can't laugh and be afraid at the same time—of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid."

From an interview with Parade Magazine.

All images courtesy of Getty Images unless otherwise stated. 

6 Protective Mask Bundles You Can Get On Sale

pinkomelet/iStock via Getty Images Plus
pinkomelet/iStock via Getty Images Plus

Daily life has changed immeasurably since the onset of COVID-19, and one of the ways people have had to adjust is by wearing protective masks out in public places, including in parks and supermarkets. These are an essential part of fighting the spread of the virus, and there are plenty of options for you depending on what you need, whether your situation calls for disposable masks to run quick errands or the more long-lasting KN95 model if you're going to work. Check out some options you can pick up on sale right now.

1. Cotton Face Masks; $20 for 4

Protective Masks with Patterns.
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This four-pack of washable cotton face masks comes in tie-dye, kids patterns, and even a series of mustache patterns, so you can do your part to mask germs without also covering your personality.

Buy it: $20 for four (50 percent off)

2. CE- and FDA-Approved KN95 Mask; $50 for 10

A woman putting on a protective mask.
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You’ve likely heard about the N95 face mask and its important role in keeping frontline workers safe. Now, you can get a similar model for yourself. The KN95 has a dual particle layer, which can protect you from 99 percent of particles in the air and those around you from 70 percent of the particles you exhale. Nose clips and ear straps provide security and comfort, giving you some much-needed peace of mind.

Buy it: $50 for 10 (50 percent off)

3. Three-Ply Masks; $13 for 10

Woman wearing a three-ply protective mask.
XtremeTime

These three-ply, non-medical, non-woven face masks provide a moisture-proof layer against your face with strong filtering to keep you and everyone around you safe. The middle layer filters non-oily particles in the air and the outer layer works to block visible objects, like droplets.

Buy it: $13 for 10 (50 percent off)

4. Disposable masks; $44 for 50

A batch of disposable masks.
Odash, Inc.

If the thought of reusing the same mask from one outing to the next makes you feel uneasy, there’s a disposable option that doesn’t compromise quality; in fact, it uses the same three-layered and non-woven protection as other masks to keep you safe from airborne particles. Each mask in this pack of 50 can be worn safely for up to 10 hours. Once you're done, safely dispose of it and start your next outing with a new one.

Buy it: $44 for 50 (41 percent off)

5. Polyester Masks; $22 for 5

Polyester protective masks.
Triple7Deals

These masks are a blend of 95 percent polyester and 5 percent spandex, and they work to block particles from spreading in the air. And because they're easily compressed, they can travel with you in your bag or pocket, whether you're going to work or out to the store.

Buy it: $22 for five (56 percent off)

6. Mask Protector Cases; $15 for 3

Protective mask case.
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You're going to need to have a stash of masks on hand for the foreseeable future, so it's a good idea to protect the ones you’ve got. This face mask protector case is waterproof and dust-proof to preserve your mask as long as possible.

Buy it: $15 for three (50 percent off)

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16 Priceless Treasures We've Lost Forever

jeanyfan, Wikimedia Commons // Public Domain
jeanyfan, Wikimedia Commons // Public Domain

Steven Spielberg is known for crafting such masterpieces as Jaws, E.T., Schindler's List, and Jurassic Park. With such a long and acclaimed film career, it probably wouldn't surprise anyone to learn that Spielberg got his start behind the camera at just 17 years old when (with the help of his friends and his high school marching band) he directed his first feature-length film, Firelight.

What's that? You've never seen Firelight? Well, you're certainly not alone; sadly, just under four minutes of the original footage remains. After screening Firelight for around 500 people, the young director sent a few of the film reels off to a producer for review. When the budding director later went back to retrieve his film, he discovered that the producer had been fired—and his movie had vanished.

Firelight is just one example of the many priceless items that have disappeared from history. On this episode of The List Show, we're rediscovering all sort of treasures—from writing by Ernest Hemingway to natural landmarks—that have been lost to time (or circumstance). You can watch the full episode below.

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