12 Behind-the-Scenes Secrets of Veterinarians

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The career of a veterinarian is among the short list of jobs that kids imagining their futures often dream of. To be sure, stepping into the shoes of Doctor Dolittle has many rewards, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Here are a few insights that veterinarians have gained from their years of experience.

1. THE JOB IS A LOT MORE DANGEROUS THAN SOME PEOPLE REALIZE. 

A lot of people go into the veterinary profession planning to care for pets and cute, furry critters, but the job is not all purrs and wagging tails. “Any dog will bite you if you put them in a position where they’re frightened,” says Sue, a veterinarian in New Orleans, who explains that even with normally gentle dogs, vets and staff must use caution at work. Even cats can be dangerous, particularly because it is difficult to read their body language. “Cat bites can be nasty,” says Sue. “A bad one to the hand could end your surgical career.” And that’s to say nothing of large animals like horses, exotics like monkeys, and infections like rabies or plague. “If a monkey spits in your eye, it can be really bad news,” Sue says. “Some carry a strain of monkey herpes that is lethal to humans.” In addition, vets encounter all kinds of things that are both hazardous to health and really gross—like maggots and open wounds. 

2. IT’S ALSO UNPREDICTABLE.

Being a veterinarian involves a tremendous amount of variety, both in terms of situations encountered on a daily basis and different animal anatomies. While the vast majority of patients encountered at a regular vet clinic are dogs and cats, vets also see their fair share of rodents, birds and reptiles. This sometimes means that a lot of creativity and problem-solving ability is required. “Once a hamster came in with a broken leg and needed a splint,” Sue says. “We ended up making one out of a syringe.” 

3. OWNERS SOMETIMES REQUIRE AS MUCH TREATMENT AS ANIMALS.

Since the patients cannot speak for themselves, veterinarians spend a great deal of time communicating with their human owners. “To an extent we’re treating owners as much as patients,” Sue says. Talking to owners who are very attached to their animals requires a lot of tact, as does laying out treatment options to those ill-equipped to afford them. “When owners are short on money, it is tough,” Sue says. Dr. Eleanor Acworth, a mobile veterinarian based in Dutchess County, New York, adds that it can be very difficult “convincing (owners) to do what’s right for their animals. Some people don’t listen,” she laments. “They would rather pay for a fancy cellphone than to get their cat neutered.” 

4. VETS KNOW WHEN YOU’RE LYING.

“If you say that your dog only eats x cups of food, but he looks like an ottoman, we know you’re not telling the truth,” Sue says. “No, he’s not just big-boned.”

5. BUT THEY ARE NOT PERFECT PET-OWNERS THEMSELVES.

“I’m a much worse pet owner since becoming a vet,” Sue admits. “Before vet school, I was maybe a little overprotective. Now I've probably gone the other way because I'm like, ‘Oh well, I'll just put him back together myself if he gets broken.’ My dog started coughing recently and I thought ‘oh, kennel cough.’ I didn't even do an exam on him, I just kept him home from the dog park until he stopped coughing. But,” she stresses, “I'm a professional with the experience to recognize when things are about to get out of hand and the skill to intervene—this is not what I would recommend to clients.”

6. THEY DEAL WITH DEATH FREQUENTLY. 

An unfortunate part of being a vet is euthanizing animals who are old, sick, or whose owners simply can no longer afford their medical treatment. “I have worked shifts where I didn’t have a single patient walk out alive,” Sue says. That sort of circumstance would be unimaginable in human medicine, and it can understandably be very hard on vets, who can suffer compassion fatigue and burnout. 

7. EVEN VETS HAVE THEIR FAVORITE ANIMALS.

Acworth says that her favorite animals to work with are cows, which is probably good since she sees so many of them. She cautions, however, that “de-horning them is the worst.” She is not a big fan of llamas, however, because of their tendency to spit, sometimes on the vet caring for them. 

8. DOGS LOVE TO EAT PANTIES. 

People leave all sorts of things lying around that are hazardous to pets. “Don’t leave your panties lying around,” Sue says. “Dogs love to eat them, and they can cause a gastrointestinal obstruction or lead to surgery. Same thing with tampons. Dogs also love eating marijuana.” But just like owners who bring in fat dogs, people who bring a stoned dog into a clinic often lie. “I’ve had owners bring in a dog who is acting in a really bizarre manner,” Sue says, “but when I suggest that he may have gotten into someone’s weed, the owner says ‘Oh, I would never have that around.’” Once again, vets know when you’re fibbing!

9. “EXOTIC” IS RELATIVE.

“Pretty much anything that is not a dog or a cat is considered exotic,” says Sue. However, that landscape can change pretty quickly in the realm of farm or zoo veterinary medicine. Acworth, for instance, deals with a lot of farm animals in her daily rounds, including llamas. “Llamas do count as farm animals, not as exotics,” she says. “They give hair, and they serve a purpose.” Without question, though, the kangaroos Acworth works with at area petting zoos count as exotic. “They are such cool animals,” she says. “Their tails are solid muscle—really almost like another limb.”

10.  SURGERY CAN RAISE AN APPETITE.

Sue describes performing cosmetic surgery on a cow and using a cauterizing knife to remove a wart. “It smelled like beef,” she says. 

11. THEY DON’T MAKE A LOT OF MONEY.

Many vets graduate with high amounts of debt, often upward of $100,000, but often don’t make that much money, particularly when compared with their human doctor counterparts. (According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the 2014 median pay for a veterinarian was $87,590, compared to $187,200 for physicians and surgeons.) But for many veterinarians, the profession is a lifelong passion. “I pretty much wanted to be a veterinarian my whole life, like most of us,” Acworth says.

12. THEY DEPEND ON THEIR SUPPORT STAFF. 

Vets cannot get through the day without their dedicated techs and assistants. As Sue says, “we depend a lot on our support staff to help us do our jobs safely. It's a team effort, and we couldn't do it without them. The receptionists have one of the most difficult jobs in the vet clinic in handling the front desk, as they are the first line of people interacting with clients that may be very emotional. Behind every good vet is a team of hard-working, caring individuals invested in the task of helping people help their pets.” 

All images courtesy of Getty 

10 Secrets of Brewmasters

Being a brewmaster is about more than just sampling beer and coming up with new recipes. Maintenance and sanitation also play a huge role in the job.
Being a brewmaster is about more than just sampling beer and coming up with new recipes. Maintenance and sanitation also play a huge role in the job.
Stone Brewing

With roughly 7500 craft beer breweries in the United States—a number that continues to grow—it’s clear consumers like their ales and lagers. And as more of these breweries pop up in towns and cities every month, it’s up to brewmasters to constantly produce new beers to satisfy demanding (and evolving) palates, maintain a sterile workspace, and properly operate all the complex machinery that pumps out your favorite IPA. To find out what goes into owning and operating a brewery, Mental Floss spoke with a number of brewmasters about what their days entail. Here’s what they had to say about taste tests, oyster beer, and getting doused in hop sludge.

1. A lot of brewmasters started out as home brewers.

Stone Brewery equipment.
A brew kettle from Stone's Richmond, Virginia, location.
Stone Brewing

While brewmasters sometimes attend college to study chemistry or even specific brewing courses, a fair number get their start in their own homes. “When I started, I would say about 50 percent [were home brewers],” Tom Kehoe, co-owner of Yards Brewing Company in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, says. This was back when there were only around 649 breweries in the country, according to Kehoe. That number has only grown with time, and now he says as many as 90 percent of current brewers experimented with home brewing before moving on to larger productions.

While home brewing can be a good start, Kehoe says that there’s a limit to how much you can learn in a garage setting. “The basic knowledge of how beer is made is exactly the same. However, good brewing practices need to be learned on site. The environment working in a brewery is a lot different than brewing at home.”

One example? Size. According to Jeremy Moynier, brewmaster of Stone Brewing in San Diego, California, people are surprised when they see the scale of some brewing operations. "A home brewer is used to making a few gallons," Moynier says. "We could be making a 250-barrel batch [at Stone]. Each barrel is 30 gallons."

2. Brewmasters use sound almost as much as taste to evaluate the brewing process.

Brewing equipment from Yards Brewing.
This is just a sample of the brewing equipment employed by Yards.
Yards Brewing

Breweries come in all shapes and sizes, but all of them implement a lot of machinery, stainless steel vats, pumps, and bottling lines to concoct their brews. It becomes a symphony of sorts, according Moynier. And if one instrument sounds off, he can tell.

"You use all of your senses, from taste to sound," he tells Mental Floss. "Breweries are noisy, and there are sounds you get attuned to. If something sounds wrong, you know there’s a problem somewhere. Your senses being in tune are important."

Once, Moynier heard an unusual squeaking noise in the factory. He discovered that the tank that held the crushed malt was backed up, which would eventually ruin the conveyor belts if no one noticed in time. Thankfully, Moynier picked up on that change in noise, and the problem was corrected before the machine required a more expensive repair.

3. Brewmasters are always trying novel flavors. Even oysters.

There’s no shortage of creativity among brewmasters, with breweries constantly experimenting with different flavor profiles, from tea to chocolate to fruit. "There are so many different styles, flavor, and aroma profiles you can hit," Moynier says. "We’re constantly learning about new ingredients.” One that impressed Moynier recently was an oyster stout, a style that was originally billed as a beer that simply paired well with oysters more than a century ago, but has since evolved to include actual oyster meat and stock in modern recipes. This one came from Liberty Station, one of Stone Brewing’s locations in San Diego. "It was pretty fascinating," he says. "They got a real briny, oyster thing going."

4. Sanitation is one of the most important parts of being a brewmaster.

A picture of Stone Brewing's beer equipment.
Stone's barrels hold 30 gallons of beer.
Stone Brewing

The stereotype of brewmasters sipping beer all day and hovering over batches is slightly misguided. According to John Trogner, co-owner with brother Chris of Tröegs Independent Brewing in Hershey, Pennsylvania, most of the job is making sure beer is made in clean conditions. “People usually think you’re sitting around all day dreaming up recipes and tasting beer,” Trogner says. "That’s a very small component. Physical cleaning is probably 80 percent of it. Sanitation is paramount. It’s like a chef keeping a kitchen clean. Workers spend most of their time scrubbing."

Just because the breweries are kept clean doesn't mean the brewmasters are quite as lucky. Depending on the valve and your luck that day, that could sometimes mean an unintentional beer shower for workers. "I’ve taken baths in yeast and beer sludge," Trogner says of his early days, explaining it's a hazard you face when you're opening the valves on the brew tanks.

5. Brewmasters know they're expected to bring beer to most gatherings.

A look at the Tröegs brewery.
Foeders are large wooden vats that age a beer to create a unique flavor profile. It's part of Tröegs's Splinter Cellar, and each foeder was custom made and shipped to the brewery.
Tröegs Independent Brewing

Like any other profession, brewmasters can sometimes be greeted with an expectation that their services and goods are free for friends and relatives to enjoy at gatherings and family events. "If it’s appropriate to bring beer, I will," Kehoe says. "And sometimes when it is not so appropriate. I have brought beer to a business networking breakfast and somehow it turned out to be a great icebreaker. I find that people are disappointed if I don’t have at least some beer at the ready."

6. The job can make you critical of other beers and even food.

Working to perfect beers all day can have an effect on how brewmasters regard other beer options. "I still love beer, but it changes the way you approach it," Moynier says. "You pick out a flaw, and it will bother you. It might ruin your enjoyment. But if you find a beer you really like, it can also make it more enjoyable."

A brewmaster doesn’t just develop a sense of what makes for a good beer; they’re also constantly thinking about what type of food pairs well with certain beers. "It definitely affects the way you taste things," Moynier says. "It’s made me a pickier eater. You’ll think about how food will pair with beer sometimes, where you wouldn’t necessarily think about that before. It made me appreciate how things go together."

7. Brewmasters know names and logos can make or break a beer.

Tröegs Independent Brewing Mad Elf beer is pictured
Tröegs's Mad Elf is one of the most recognizable beers around the holidays.
Tröegs Independent Brewing

With so many beer options, it’s imperative for brewmasters to use marketing as a way of setting up a consumer’s palate before they sample anything. For Tröegs's Haze Charmer, which offers pineapple and grapefruit notes, the brewery went to great lengths to describe how the "haze" of the recipe carries hop oil into the mouth.

"Haze Charmer emerges from a soft, swirling cloud of oats and unmalted wheat. Vigorous dry-hopping adds a second phase of haze, propping up the oils of Citrus and El Dorado," the website description of the beer reads.

"The name is a critical component," Trogner says. "Consumers are getting to know it before they try it."

The right—or wrong—name and design can make all the difference. Trogner promoted a cherry, honey, and chocolate ale around the holidays and called it Mad Elf, with bottles and packaging decked out in cartoon images of a tipsy elf enjoying one too many. It's become a perennial hit.

"It’s a celebration of the holidays," Trogner says. "Mad Elf is kind of part of social webbing, which is nice to hear. Grandmothers come in and buy five or six cases for family coming over for the holidays."

Similar beers with different branding didn't fare as well. "We’ve done beers like Mad Elf out of season and it didn’t have near the fervor or excitement," he says.

8. A brewmaster associates a beer’s personality with color.

Yards Pale Ale is pictured.
Yards's Philadelphia Pale Ale is lighter in color and far more citrusy than an amber lager.
Yards Brewing

According to Kehoe, light and dark beers each give off a distinctive personality trait depending on their color, which comes from the grains used. "To me, the color of the beer is the mood of the beer," he says. "Light color is fluid and exciting; darker [is] slower and more filling and relaxing." Amber is more middle-of-the-road and more versatile. "[It] can be whatever personality that you want to project in the moment."

9. Smells are a big inspiration for new beers.

Don’t think brewmasters develop recipes based just on tasting other beers; it’s more of a multi-sensory experience. Trogner says that most beer ideas come from everyday life. “We’re not sitting around and looking at other types of beer,” he says. “It’s more about an experience, like having an amazing dish at a restaurant. Or you might be hiking and smell something floral in the air, like pine.”

10. Yes, brewmasters sometimes drink early in the morning.

While downing beer is probably not as common an occurrence as you might think, brewmasters are still expected to sample their wares before it goes out for distribution. According to Moynier, those executive samples can happen at odd times of the day depending on schedules.

"Tastings can happen at six in the morning," he says. "We also have structured tasting and daily taste panels to approve beer about to be packaged. Three times a week we have a brewmaster taste panel where we focus on new beers we’re trying out for release or changes to recipes. There’s an executive panel once a month with [Stone's founders Greg Koch and Steve Wagner]."

Or, as Kehoe puts it, “I don’t drink all day, but I do drink every day.”

14 Secrets of TSA Agents

Being a TSA agent means plenty of job stress.
Being a TSA agent means plenty of job stress.
Joe Raedle/Getty Images

Last year, more than 964 million people boarded airplanes departing or arriving within the United States. Barring any special security clearance, virtually all of them were filtered through the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), a federally operated branch charged with screening passengers to ensure they’re complying with the rules of safe air travel.

Some travelers believe the TSA’s policies are burdensome and ineffectual; others acknowledge that individual employees are doing their best to conform to a frequently confusing, ever-changing set of procedures. We asked some former TSA officers about their experiences, and here’s what they had to say about life in blue gloves.

1. CATS ARE THE REAL TERRORISTS.

A cat escaping from its carrier.
"Cats are a nightmare."
Lightspruch/iStock via Getty Images

According to Jason Harrington, who spent six years at O’Hare Airport as a Transportation Security Officer (TSO), rogue felines have created more havoc and confusion than any suspected criminal. “Cats are a nightmare,” he says. “They don’t want to come out of their carriers, they scratch and claw, and they don’t come when you call them.” A cat that’s made a break for it and who hasn’t been patted down to check for weapons is technically a security breach, which a TSA supervisor could use as justifiable cause to shut down an entire terminal.

Dogs, however, are no problem. “A pat down on a dog amounts to going over and petting them,” Harrington says. “That’s actually pleasant.”

2. THEY HAVE CODE WORDS FOR ATTRACTIVE (AND ANNOYING) PASSENGERS.

Because TSOs are usually in close proximity to passengers, some checkpoints develop a vocabulary of code words that allows them to speak freely without offending anyone. “Code talk for attractive females was the most common,” Harrington says. An employee might say “hotel papa” to alert others to an appealing traveler heading their way—the “h” is for “hot.” Others might assign a code number, like 39, and call it out. Harrington was also informed by a supervisor that he could signal for a prolonged screening for an annoying passenger if Harrington told him that the traveler was “very nice.”

3. FANCY HAIRDOS ARE A SECURITY RISK.

Any passenger coming through with an elaborate hairdo—either carefully braided hair or the kind of up-do found on women headed for a wedding—means additional inspection will be required, because piled-up hair can conceivably conceal a weapon.

“Just about anything can set off an anomaly in the head area, from braids to a scrunchie to a barrette to a bad hair day,” Harrington says. “And those body scanners are especially fussy when it comes to the head, giving false positives there more than any other area.”

4. THEY LIKE YOU BETTER WHEN YOU’RE EXHAUSTED.

A customer sleeping in the airport.
A tired customer is a pleasant customer.
AlexBrylov/iStock via Getty Images

“Tina”—a former TSO in the northeast who prefers not to use her real name—says that travelers taking evening flights are typically more cooperative than morning passengers. “People are actually much nastier when they’re flying out in the morning,” she says. “The really late-night travelers are the best ones to be around.” (Also on Tina’s naughty list: business travelers. “They’re generally meaner.”)

5. THEY SOMETIMES LIE ABOUT WHERE THEY WORK.

Because public criticism of the TSA is so pervasive, Harrington has found that many employees stretch the truth about where they work when asked. “If I had to admit it, I’d say I was working for the Department of Homeland Security,” he says. “When I made mention of that on Facebook, I got a ton of officers who said they did the same thing.”

6. CHEESE CAN LOOK JUST LIKE A BOMB.

Airport X-ray screening.
The foods in your bag can really confuse agents during an x-ray screening.
EvgeniyShkolenko/iStock via Getty Images

That giant wheel of cheese you’re bringing back from the holidays? It’s going to cause a lot of agitation among employees monitoring the x-ray machine. “A block of cheese is indistinguishable from C4,” Harrington says. “There is no difference on the screen. Meats, too. All organic products look orange on the display and similar to explosives.”

7. YOUR GENDER CAN CONFUSE THEM.

When a passenger enters a full-body scanner, the device operator hits a button to tell the unit whether it’s a he or she. It makes a difference, since a female passenger’s anatomy would raise a red flag when the machine expects to see male-only parts, and vice versa. If a person's gender isn’t easily ascertained on sight and a TSO guesses, a pair of breasts could initiate a delay. “The machines detect things under clothes, and if it doesn’t match what’s been pressed, it means a pat down,” Harrington says.

8. THEY DON’T DO THE SAME THING ALL DAY.

TSOs typically get assigned to different stations (ticket taker, x-ray operator, shouting-at-you-to-take-your-shoes-off officer) at the security checkpoint, and never for very long: 30 minutes is typically the limit before a new officer is brought in. According to Tina, the revolving schedule is to avoid employee error. “After 30 minutes, you may begin to miss things,” she says.

9. OPTING OUT GETS THEM ANNOYED.

Harrington’s security checkpoint had a code word for passengers who “opted out,” or refused to submit to the full-body scanners—they were “tulips,” and they proved to be an annoyance.

“It slows down the whole operation and a lot of guys would hate it,” he says. “Now that it’s millimeter [radio] waves and people still opt out, they get annoyed, thinking the passenger doesn’t even know what they’re opting out of.”

10. THEY’RE WRITING ON YOUR TICKET FOR TWO REASONS.

A TSA agent looking at a traveller's documents
No, TSA agents don't love it when you opt out of their full-body scans.
John Moore/Getty Images

Policies can vary by airport, but generally, security officers sitting up front and checking tickets are looking for irregularities in your identification: If something causes them to be suspicious, they’ll write something on your ticket that would prompt a more thorough inspection. “They’ll also write their badge number and initials,” Tina says, “so the airline knows they’ve been through security when they board.”

11. “CREDIBLE THREATS” STRESS THEM OUT.

According to Tina, turnover rates for TSOs can be high, and that’s due in large part to the perpetual stress of preparing for a hazardous situation. “In 10 months’ time, we went through active shooter training three times,” she says. “Another time, we were told there was a credible threat against the airport and not to wear our uniforms to or from work.”

12. THEY HATE WHEN YOU ASK THEM TO CHANGE GLOVES.

"The most common complaint [from TSOs] is when passengers ask them to change their gloves before a pat down," Harrington says, "because we change them all the time. We might have changed them just before getting to someone and passengers will still insist they use new ones in front of their face."

13. IT’S REALLY HARD TO GET FIRED.

TSOs undergo regular training and performance reviews where they're expected to simulate a screening in a private room for supervisors. After two years, the probationary period is over, and employees are generally set. “They’d call it being a ‘made’ man or woman,” Harrington says, referring to the mafia term for acceptance. “It’s really hard to get fired at that point. The only way to lose your job would be to commit a crime.”

14. THEY DON’T GET AIRPORT PERKS.

As federal employees, TSOs don’t enjoy any perks from airlines: Accepting a gift could be cause for termination, according to Tina. “But there’s a loophole,” she says. “If you’re friends with a pilot or have a personal relationship with an airline employee, you can accept it.”

A version of this story originally ran in 2016.

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