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We’ve narrowed down all the punny entries from last week’s Best Pun IN THE WORLD!! Competition and settled on the following 10. As with the caption contests, we’re letting YOU guys pick the winner. One vote per person, please, and may the best pun win!
The 10 finalists are…
A) Two fishermen were in a boat by the lake, when one of them stood to catch a fish in a net. As he scooped up the carp, his wallet fell out of his back pocket. As the seemingly doomed billfold started to sink to the lake bottom, the carp slipped out of the net and swam after it, re-emerging with it on his nose.
However, instead of returning it, he tossed it to one of his fish buddies, who balanced it on his nose. More of more of fish-buddies emerged from the water, and all of them played this strange game of keep-away with the man’s billfold.
The first man watched, slackjawed. He said to the other “Have you ever seen anything like this before?”
The second man answered “Sure I have. Haven’t you heard of carp-to-carp walleting?”
- Michael
B) A thief attempted to steal paintings from the Louvre in Paris, but was caught 2 blocks away when his van ran out of gas. All the thief could say for himself was: “I had no MONET to buy DEGAS to make the VAN GOGH. But I tried for it anyway because I had nothing TOULOUSE!”
- kerensa
C) “Did you see this story? Says here that a newspaper published a report about election fraud, and some goons from the ruling party went and attacked their offices.”
“What did they do?”
“Oh, toppled file cabinets, threw paper around, smashed monitors…”
“Any loss of life?”
“No, it looks like just a monitor-y loss.”
- AG
D) I’ve been reading something very interesting — Stephen Hawking’s latest book about anti-gravity.
I just can’t put it down.
- buddz
E) Ancient humans, venturing across the ice bridge to North America, got lost quite often. They found it very hard to keep their Bering Strait….
- ;im
F) Kay Nein’s English Bulldog, Og, had just been awarded ‘Best in Show’ and she
felt a celebratory ice cream from Calabash’s Frozen Doggie Treats was in order; however, what she had intended to be a single scoop in a cup quickly evolved into a glop of every flavor available -leading Kay to comment, “It’s a mishmash, Calabash… give Og a cone!”
- Amy
G) Thanks to fossils, archaeologists have been able to determine that there once a genetic mutation millions of year ago, causing the creation of a five-legged dinosaur.
As far as we know, this is the first evidence we have ever seen of a reptile dysfunction.
- Michael
H) What do you get after playing the lute for 10 hours straight?
Minstrel cramps.
- Denise
[Ed. Note: Feminine hygiene jokes are the lowest form of humor. Period.]
I) I tried to come up with a pun about famous German philosophers, but I Kant.
- Dan
J) Did you hear they found a narcissistic male lion whose females had turned on him?
No, really?
Yeah. Course it was his pride that did him in…
- Justin
Comments (215)
Comment
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Oh, they’re all so good….but my vote goes to G. Too too funny.
posted by Josh on 3-19-2008 at 3:46 pm
Oh god – I really have to say that it is a tie between B and G
posted by Sarah on 3-19-2008 at 3:46 pm
H is probably the punniest for me! :-D
posted by Roger on 3-19-2008 at 3:47 pm
It was between G and H, but eventually H won me over. I tend to giggle slightly more for H.
posted by Darby on 3-19-2008 at 3:54 pm
i vote for b, but they are all great
posted by bet on 3-19-2008 at 4:08 pm
I vote for G
posted by Jo-Ann Burton on 3-19-2008 at 4:09 pm
B
Everyone knows when you are Baroque, you have no Monet.
posted by gus on 3-19-2008 at 4:10 pm
H for hysterical! ;)
posted by Johnny Cat on 3-19-2008 at 4:10 pm
A, although G is close second.
posted by Miss Priss on 3-19-2008 at 4:13 pm
A truly great pun should have both sides of the homophone be meaningful to the setup. Thats why, for me, it comes down to E and H.
E wins it because both words are punny
posted by Mike D on 3-19-2008 at 4:23 pm
I pick E.
posted by Ariel on 3-19-2008 at 4:24 pm
A, hands down!
posted by Ed on 3-19-2008 at 4:30 pm
Have to go with G. I take issue with some of these not really being puns…but they were all pretty good!
posted by RosiePerez on 3-19-2008 at 4:34 pm
A definitely wins, but H is pretty clever…
posted by Mortal Light on 3-19-2008 at 4:41 pm
F!!!!
posted by Anonymous on 3-19-2008 at 4:42 pm
Just like most of the others, it was between G & H for me; but, ultimately, it was G that made me laugh out loud the first time I read it.
posted by Nikki on 3-19-2008 at 4:45 pm
For some reason, D made me laugh the hardest. I also really like A.
posted by Krie on 3-19-2008 at 4:51 pm
Definitely G. :)
posted by M on 3-19-2008 at 4:56 pm
Wow! Hard. I go with B.
posted by infojones on 3-19-2008 at 5:01 pm
H!
posted by Stuffanie on 3-19-2008 at 5:03 pm
My vote goes to G for the great reptile dysfunction pun!
posted by Piseco on 3-19-2008 at 5:11 pm
j definitely gets my vote
posted by jacob on 3-19-2008 at 5:41 pm
H
as well as the editors note!
posted by annie on 3-19-2008 at 5:45 pm
I vote for G.
But as everyone knows, the shortest distance between two puns is a straightline…
posted by David on 3-19-2008 at 5:57 pm
hmm…is A technically a spoonerism? I’m having flasbacks from ninth grade english class.
posted by tilly on 3-19-2008 at 6:03 pm
if anything other than G wins it will be the greatest tragedy of the decade(except for maybe the whole, towers thing… and the war… oh and this recession. Actually, it won’t be that bad, but G was still clearly the best).
posted by Curtis on 3-19-2008 at 6:08 pm
G
posted by kevin A on 3-19-2008 at 6:21 pm
e
posted by zale on 3-19-2008 at 6:25 pm
Hmm, I’ve narrowed it down to two, E and G but since I can pick only one I choose…
E
posted by Suzanne on 3-19-2008 at 6:52 pm
D gets my vote!
posted by Zwiegers on 3-19-2008 at 6:55 pm
H is the best, but D isn’t a pun.
posted by Chris on 3-19-2008 at 7:15 pm
G, but E is a close second. They picked up after D, no offense but those early ones could have been the most overused puns or worse puns depending on which one.
posted by Kinglink on 3-19-2008 at 7:25 pm
J
posted by Emily S S on 3-19-2008 at 7:41 pm
G!
posted by kati on 3-19-2008 at 7:43 pm
H
posted by Sahar on 3-19-2008 at 8:37 pm
G – i don’t get a and b, tough call between the rest
posted by fran on 3-19-2008 at 8:51 pm
B.
posted by Jet on 3-19-2008 at 8:53 pm
Simplicity award- I
Creativity- D
posted by John K on 3-19-2008 at 9:09 pm
G me
posted by Steve on 3-19-2008 at 9:18 pm
D or G…all the other ones feel too contrived.
posted by Julia on 3-19-2008 at 9:36 pm
G just made me laugh so much.
posted by Manda on 3-19-2008 at 9:45 pm
B!!!!!!!
posted by Tee on 3-19-2008 at 9:56 pm
definately G
posted by Kazza on 3-19-2008 at 9:59 pm
BY and large the greatest pun I ever read was:
“I was reading this story about a Salvador Dali exhibit. Turns out, the whole thing was a fraud and none of the paintings were by Dali. You’d think someone would’ve noticed. Doesn’t surprise me, though. After all….NOBODY INSPECTS THE SPANISH EXPOSITION!”
posted by Hacbarton on 3-19-2008 at 10:11 pm
BY and large the greatest pun I ever read was:
“I was reading this story about a Salvador Dali exhibit. Turns out, the whole thing was a fraud and none of the paintings were by Dali. You’d think someone would’ve noticed. Doesn’t surprise me, though. After all….NOBODY INSPECTS THE SPANISH EXPOSITION!”
posted by Hacbarton on 3-19-2008 at 10:12 pm
D
posted by Melanie on 3-19-2008 at 10:16 pm
H
posted by Don on 3-19-2008 at 10:26 pm
I vote A, the only one for which I laughed aloud. =D
posted by Courtney on 3-19-2008 at 10:28 pm
H.
posted by Friedrich on 3-19-2008 at 11:01 pm
G for sure.
posted by Brian on 3-19-2008 at 11:04 pm
F, boyeeeeeeeee!!!
posted by ryan on 3-20-2008 at 12:13 am
E.
With D as a close second.
posted by muffy on 3-20-2008 at 12:17 am
H!
posted by matt on 3-20-2008 at 12:24 am
D
posted by JP on 3-20-2008 at 12:32 am
gotta be H, the only one that made me snort
posted by Emily on 3-20-2008 at 12:35 am
G is hilarious!!!!
posted by Miss Nae on 3-20-2008 at 12:37 am
G
posted by k on 3-20-2008 at 12:48 am
i dont understand how G is funny?… im not trying to be offensive to any of your opinions >.> I just dont get it. SOmeone englighten me please?
posted by alex on 3-20-2008 at 12:50 am
b is best!
posted by jinamina on 3-20-2008 at 2:58 am
hard choice! But B is my pick.
posted by Meg on 3-20-2008 at 6:38 am
B is pretty funny and has the most depth, but G has the classic punchline to it. Gotta go with G. Alliteration FTW.
posted by Ellen on 3-20-2008 at 7:59 am
E for sure
posted by Sarah on 3-20-2008 at 8:04 am
Obviously B!!!
posted by JP on 3-20-2008 at 8:16 am
B is the obvious choice!
posted by JP on 3-20-2008 at 8:20 am
I like a few of them, but my vote has got to be for G. Very original!
posted by Hope on 3-20-2008 at 8:31 am
D for me
posted by Eileen on 3-20-2008 at 8:42 am
G! with j as a close second
posted by em on 3-20-2008 at 8:51 am
B
posted by maggie on 3-20-2008 at 9:11 am
I think B, hands down
posted by chels on 3-20-2008 at 9:39 am
G – all the way….reminds me of the joke:
What did the lady say after riding on a dinosaur for 5 hours….?
Vaginasaurus.
posted by Jamie on 3-20-2008 at 9:53 am
B
posted by Florida on 3-20-2008 at 10:28 am
G for me!
I feel silly for having to ask, but I don’t get the joke in A. Would someone mind explaining it to me?
posted by Priscellie on 3-20-2008 at 11:30 am
J
Very nice!
posted by brian S on 3-20-2008 at 11:34 am
B!
I don’t get the joke in A, either. What am I missing?
posted by Lindsey on 3-20-2008 at 12:02 pm
A = “wall to wall carpeting”
posted by Sherry on 3-20-2008 at 12:05 pm
B!!!!!!!
posted by laurien on 3-20-2008 at 12:16 pm
mental floss is overrun with 6th graders! ;)
I liked D best, even if it wasn’t truly a pun.
posted by faburobin on 3-20-2008 at 1:26 pm
H made my coffee come out of my nose. That’s good stuff. :)
posted by mrs.djs on 3-20-2008 at 1:28 pm
H made my coffee come out of my nose. That’s good stuff. :)
posted by mrs.djs on 3-20-2008 at 1:29 pm
There is no contest here! D is by FAR the cleverest!
posted by Anne on 3-20-2008 at 2:09 pm
G, definitely.
posted by Alex on 3-20-2008 at 2:53 pm
H
posted by Iris on 3-20-2008 at 3:00 pm
My vote goes for H
posted by Allison on 3-20-2008 at 3:40 pm
G
It’s the only that’s both funny and original.
posted by Karleigh on 3-20-2008 at 7:11 pm
B!
posted by marybeth on 3-20-2008 at 7:45 pm
I is the only one I’ve never heard before, the rest are mostly from joke books or late night TV
posted by Paco on 3-20-2008 at 11:24 pm
the best types of puns are the ones that don’t take too much time and make you role your eyes as your friend snickers at what he/she just said
with that being said i say I is the best
also wouldn’t make a bad t-shirt
posted by chuck on 3-21-2008 at 1:12 am
I vote B!
posted by brooke on 3-21-2008 at 8:03 am
Q: Where do crabs catch the train?
A: At the crustacean!!!!!
I win!!!! Hooray for me!!!!!
posted by jorge on 3-21-2008 at 10:04 am
I Kant think of a more deserving winner than theperson who wrote the Letter I pun.
posted by Benny on 3-21-2008 at 11:17 am
Voting B – it’s so PUNNY i forgot to laugh! :P
~no really, it’s very clever!
posted by Kaf. on 3-21-2008 at 11:57 am
H for the win!
posted by jjem on 3-21-2008 at 10:28 pm
H
posted by Kate on 3-22-2008 at 8:17 pm
I am going with E.
G is pretty good, but has major issue. Archaeologists do not find dinosaur fossils. Archaeology deals with remains of humans and human culture. Paleontologists should be dealing with dinosaur fossils.
posted by rexology on 3-22-2008 at 8:23 pm
I appreciated your punishing remark on “H”. I enjoyed “E” the best. The pun had something vague to do with history and/or reality.
posted by kmcx8 on 3-23-2008 at 9:42 pm
H is definitely the funniest.
posted by Pete on 3-24-2008 at 8:07 am
Haha, so funny!
no-effort-money.blogspot.com
posted by alicia on 3-24-2008 at 11:38 am
E. Not too much build up, but delivers.
posted by Zachary Lewis on 3-24-2008 at 1:43 pm
B has been making the e-mail rounds for a long, long time so I’ll go with A.
posted by Wes Sabi on 3-24-2008 at 1:49 pm
I can not believe this one was missed:
“Derwood, you’re such a mortal loser.”
“Don’t screw with me, Endora,” he shot back darrin-ly.
posted by Terry on 3-24-2008 at 1:49 pm
B, love it. Try saying that with a french accent.
posted by TJ on 3-24-2008 at 1:56 pm
Just wanted to add that G is wrong. Archaeologists don’t study Dinosaurs, we study the remnants of humans and their cultures. It ought to be Paleontologists, to make it more correct. Great puns
posted by WNCShovelbum on 3-24-2008 at 1:56 pm
I’m gonna vote G, but it would be better if it were “…the first recorded case of a reptile dysfunction.”
posted by fancycwabs on 3-24-2008 at 1:56 pm
I feel unfairly disadvantaged as I did not hear about this punny contest….
So I belatedly offer:
If a Komodo Dragon discovered particle physics and Jesus, would you then have a Christian Science Monitor Lizard?
If you were a famous Roman emperor and your favorite effigial artwork burst into flames and you took up a collection for it’s replacement…
Would you then have the Ignited Nero Collage Fund?
-J
posted by James on 3-24-2008 at 1:58 pm
I feel somewhat unfairly disadvantaged as I did not hear about this punny contest….
So I belatedly offer:
If a Komodo Dragon discovered particle physics and Jesus, would you then have a Christian Science Monitor Lizard?
If you were a famous Roman emperor and your favorite effigial artwork burst into flames and you took up a collection for it’s replacement…
Would you then have the Ignited Nero Collage Fund?
-J
posted by James on 3-24-2008 at 2:00 pm
J is the most punful. Most of the others are just homonyms or wordplay, not even close to pun.
posted by V. on 3-24-2008 at 2:01 pm
Sorry–best pun in the world:
Q: “What did the fish say when it swam into the cement wall?”
A: “Dam”
posted by Dan on 3-24-2008 at 2:01 pm
You know, I was hoping out of this list of puns one would have really jumped out at me.
But no pun in ten did.
posted by Soren K on 3-24-2008 at 2:01 pm
My vote is for H… ONLY IF the editor’s comments are included in the final pun.
Otherwise I would say D.
posted by Doug on 3-24-2008 at 2:06 pm
Two atoms bump into each other.
Atom 1 : Are you OK?
Atom 2 : I think I lost an electron.
Atom 1 : Are you sure?
Atom 2 : Yes. I’m positive.
posted by Dax on 3-24-2008 at 2:12 pm
D gets my vote, so simple yet so gripping :P
posted by Toothpaste on 3-24-2008 at 2:19 pm
-A- by a million miles. Long, but so satisfying at the end.
posted by mischiff on 3-24-2008 at 2:20 pm
definitely B
posted by Rekzai on 3-24-2008 at 2:20 pm
B without a doubt
posted by Kieran on 3-24-2008 at 2:21 pm
Most of them sucked. Too much setup to force a pun.
Of that lot, D is the best. Not really saying much though.
posted by Saracen on 3-24-2008 at 2:26 pm
I want the last 3 minutes of my life back please.
posted by dumbfounder on 3-24-2008 at 2:27 pm
My vote’s for E
posted by Split Infinitive on 3-24-2008 at 2:27 pm
Can we do preferential voting?
D = 1
J = 2
E = 3
posted by Diane Sciacca on 3-24-2008 at 2:30 pm
It’s clearly d or e. Classic.
posted by Dave on 3-24-2008 at 2:34 pm
I’m wavering between E and G, but I’m going to have to go with E. Short and well-played.
My favorite pun, however, is as follows:
Did you hear about the sailors on the ship carrying red and black paint?
They were marooned.
posted by ESJ on 3-24-2008 at 2:36 pm
I vote for J
posted by Trellis on 3-24-2008 at 2:37 pm
it may be the lowest form of comedy, but H still made me giggle.
G was a close second.
posted by Andar on 3-24-2008 at 2:37 pm
Even though the works of those artists are housed in the Musee D’Orsay and not The Louvre I’ll go with B.
posted by tina on 3-24-2008 at 2:38 pm
E, though B, G, and H are all close.
posted by jck on 3-24-2008 at 2:44 pm
I showed these ten puns to my boss, as she is quite fond of them and I wanted to see if her favorite and mine were the same. When I asked which one of the ten stood out as clever, she replied “No pun in ten did.”
posted by ZORP on 3-24-2008 at 2:45 pm
These are meant to be the best in the world? D isn’t even a pun.
posted by Pun Lover on 3-24-2008 at 2:45 pm
I liked B the best. Simple and easy to understand, and also very funny.
posted by Jimmy on 3-24-2008 at 2:47 pm
I have to vote for E, for the double pun. But G is a close second.
posted by Buffy on 3-24-2008 at 2:48 pm
B
posted by C S on 3-24-2008 at 2:48 pm
A
posted by DB on 3-24-2008 at 2:49 pm
There’s nothing like a good pun, and several of these entries were nothing like a good pun.
G, however, wins the – er – five-legged race.
posted by Wickedsmaht on 3-24-2008 at 2:50 pm
B!!! Definitely the best out of bunch.
posted by Jason on 3-24-2008 at 2:50 pm
E and J are the only good ones
posted by RC on 3-24-2008 at 2:51 pm
B!! Definitely the best one of the bunch
posted by Jason on 3-24-2008 at 2:51 pm
D – Steven Hawking book on anti-gravity + can’t put it down. Amazing.
posted by Oleg on 3-24-2008 at 2:53 pm
A just made me confused.
G is only one that made me laugh.
posted by twisty on 3-24-2008 at 2:54 pm
2 Things. the editors note makes H. and
Who headbutts someone in the tits?
posted by ChuckyTingleBalls on 3-24-2008 at 2:54 pm
There was a man who contended
In a pun contest, but before it ended
He submitted ten puns
He thought they had won,
But it turned out that no pun in ten did
posted by sum_guy on 3-24-2008 at 2:55 pm
did you hear that theory about diarrhea?
it runs in your jeans.
:P
E for the win! short and sweet!
posted by dan on 3-24-2008 at 2:57 pm
Archaeologists don’t dig up dinosaur fossils. : (
posted by mb on 3-24-2008 at 2:58 pm
H definitely
posted by UndeadZX on 3-24-2008 at 2:58 pm
If these are the best you could find, you need to look harder. Strictly speaking only a few of these are real puns. G isn’t even funny, much less a pun.
But if I HAD to choose one of these…I guess it’d be H.
posted by That's not funny! on 3-24-2008 at 2:59 pm
G for sure!
posted by Fun Pucker on 3-24-2008 at 2:59 pm
The funniest one was the one posted by Dax here in the comments. The only one close to being funny was the editors comment in H. -_-
posted by Kevin on 3-24-2008 at 3:00 pm
these are all lame and old – if you want some fresh and original puns go to pungents.com
posted by pt on 3-24-2008 at 3:08 pm
A – Best
posted by Mike on 3-24-2008 at 3:16 pm
I vote for the death penalty for all finalists.
posted by pspcs on 3-24-2008 at 3:21 pm
H by far (the ed note isn’t funny tho)
All the rest are too long or not funny…
And I don’t think (A) is a pun because the regular pun would be “wall”-to-”wall” “carp”etting, but it’s switched. I think it’s a case of another literary device. Anyways…
H!
posted by Christopher on 3-24-2008 at 3:25 pm
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that the soles of his feet became quite thick and hard. He was also a spiritual person, and even when he was not on a hunger strike he did not eat much and thus he became quite thin and frail. Furthermore, due to his diet, he wound up with very bad breath. This explains why he became known as a “super calloused fragile mystic vexed with halitosis.”
posted by Clarence on 3-24-2008 at 3:28 pm
Most of these aren’t even worthy of being retold, let alone voted “best” anything.
The only one that brought even a minor smirk was G (though I did groan at the editor’s period joke; truth be told, its probably the best of them all).
posted by pudds on 3-24-2008 at 3:32 pm
If puns were luncheon meat, those would be the wurst.
posted by Carlsbad on 3-24-2008 at 3:34 pm
H is the only one that I found even remotely funny – despite the editorial comment. The other, as has already been stated, were much too long to be really punny. So H… Defintely!
posted by Tim on 3-24-2008 at 3:35 pm
Definately H – the editorial note is hilarious. Period. ROTFL
posted by Michael on 3-24-2008 at 3:40 pm
G is best.
Though, E is good too.
========================
{{[ Ed. Note: Feminine hygiene jokes are the lowest form of humor. Period.] }}
Not if she is standing on her head
posted by Cyrious Garnetski on 3-24-2008 at 3:40 pm
I vote for G! Very funny.
posted by bbk on 3-24-2008 at 3:42 pm
H – the editor’s note clinched it
posted by hiplibrarian on 3-24-2008 at 3:44 pm
G. Definitely.
posted by Susan on 3-24-2008 at 3:51 pm
Hear about the mathematician-turned-mermaid?
She came sporting “algae-bras”…
posted by Bruski on 3-24-2008 at 3:53 pm
Boo to all, if you think these are good you need to come to my quadra-lingual family dinners.
The beauty of puns is simplicity and subtlety.
If any I vote I, because it’s the most pun like, rather than a long joke with the punch line being a short pun.
There’s my sour grapes, and what my submission would have been.
Pun (-)Intended.
Simple, confusing and pointless.
posted by Jon on 3-24-2008 at 3:53 pm
Going for G.
posted by herman punster on 3-24-2008 at 3:54 pm
I vote for G.
I tried to vote for ‘I’, but I Kant either (and so I rekanted).
posted by C David Dent on 3-24-2008 at 3:55 pm
b ftw
posted by mbs on 3-24-2008 at 3:58 pm
B
posted by Thronofdreams on 3-24-2008 at 4:03 pm
I vote for the editor’s comment
posted by Karan on 3-24-2008 at 4:05 pm
D and E are the best I’ve heard in a LONG time.
posted by Richard K on 3-24-2008 at 4:06 pm
A – actually looks like it came form “Dark and Stormy Rides Again – The Best from the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest” page 14, written by William R. Appel.
posted by Hurm on 3-24-2008 at 4:09 pm
I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a draw, since they’re all so good — in a week, you’ll have to announce that as for which one won, “no pun in ten did”.
posted by Darcie on 3-24-2008 at 4:20 pm
D is the only one where I actually LOL’d, instead of just typing it.
posted by v.dog on 3-24-2008 at 4:21 pm
H is a perfect “X”. Don’t ask “Y”.
posted by moe on 3-24-2008 at 4:28 pm
Laughed out loud to Clarence’s comment.
posted by Puns & Roses on 3-24-2008 at 4:29 pm
G would be funny but… archaeologists do not study dinosaurs!!!
Paleontologists study dinosaurs ya newb.
posted by Frank on 3-24-2008 at 4:38 pm
J
though E comes close with it’s simplicity
posted by ameya on 3-24-2008 at 4:43 pm
I invite my friend to a local Greek restaurant for lunch. she said she wanted a Greek salad. I went to the counter to order. After I placed the order my friend shouted “No feta cheese please”. I replied “Sorry, fait accomplis”
posted by jf824 on 3-24-2008 at 4:51 pm
B
posted by Steve on 3-24-2008 at 4:55 pm
True Story:
I was at a Bowling Alley late one night. As they were threatening to close the place down, I found myself on the tenth (and final) frame.
The manager was walking from lane to lane, basically kicking people out…
I rolled my first ball, knocking down nine pins. Knowing that, in the final frame, picking up the tenth pin would mean an extra rack, I fretted over whether I’d be kicked out before I had a chance to finish my game.
I looked at the time; I looked at the manager; I looked at the one remaining pin…
Undaunted, I forged ahead, saying, “It looks like I have Time To Spare!”
(True story. And the fact that that confluence of events isn’t likely to happen again makes it particularly sweet!)
posted by Dabe on 3-24-2008 at 5:00 pm
G all the way!
posted by Michelle on 3-24-2008 at 5:17 pm
H, but I is pretty good too.
posted by Charles on 3-24-2008 at 5:19 pm
These really are some of the best puns in the world.
posted by CFA Level 1 on 3-24-2008 at 5:24 pm
OMG you yanks are a humourless bunch. There wasnt a single funny pun in that lot. How can you pick the best, from a group of the worst?
posted by Cam on 3-24-2008 at 5:25 pm
WTF these are all crap! The best I’ve heard recently:
A man walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the bartender gives him one.
posted by glittalogik on 3-24-2008 at 5:55 pm
D, D and only D
posted by Ally on 3-24-2008 at 5:59 pm
G is the ONLY funny one.
posted by Kevin on 3-24-2008 at 6:01 pm
Oh god, the memory of spending the school holidays of two working parents at my grandparents house reading their readers digest has just resurfaced to haunt me again.
posted by Lukasz on 3-24-2008 at 6:46 pm
B
posted by Matthew on 3-24-2008 at 6:52 pm
All had great buzz, but i liked bee… sorry! lol
posted by Ted on 3-24-2008 at 6:56 pm
K!!!
posted by tbell on 3-24-2008 at 7:41 pm
A is the only one that made me laugh.
posted by anonymous on 3-24-2008 at 8:09 pm
“I can make a pun about any subject.”
“How about the king?”
“I can’t. He’s not a subject.”
posted by Allen on 3-24-2008 at 8:43 pm
A frog went to a bank to borrow some money. The teller, Ms. Patricia Whac requested some collateral. The frog gave her a small figurine and also related that he was the son of Mick Jagger. Flustered, Ms. Whac took the collateral to her manager, whereupon he told her
“It’s a knick knack,
Patti Whac.
Give the frog a loan,
His old man’s a rolling stone.”
posted by j reese on 3-24-2008 at 9:04 pm
D for subtlety.
posted by anonymous on 3-24-2008 at 9:10 pm
LOL i submitted 10 puns for this, i figured @ least 1 of them would make the list.
(Of course, no pun in ten did)
…oh, and i vote D, Hawkings 1 was classic
posted by Paul on 3-24-2008 at 9:10 pm
i submitted ten puns for this, in the hope that at least one of em would make the list…
…no pun in ten did.
(i vote for D, and G if we can have 2 votes)
posted by pLev on 3-24-2008 at 9:16 pm
I once commented that it was so humid today we should stay inside in sultry confinement…
posted by Stan on 3-24-2008 at 9:39 pm
“Puns are the lowest form of humor. Anyone who uses a pun should be DRAWN AND QUOTED.”
posted by David on 3-24-2008 at 9:44 pm
It has popped up in the comments a few times so I’m not sure where it’s from originally, but I laughed out loud to the first No Pun In Ten Did line. If only more of the “finalists” had exhibited that kind of simple cleverness that makes a pun… a pun.
I’m a firm believer that half the pun is in the “delivery” – the Kant one was good but the grammar was wrong and that threw me off. I liked the dino one too, but it was a bit long so I think I’ll vote for the Minstrel Cramps, along with the witty editor’s note.
Oh and the super callous fragile comment had me rolling on the floor too – one of the few times when a long drawn-out set up was worth it for the payoff!
Btw, if I’d known about the contest, I’d have put this one out there:
What do you call the contents of the US Supreme Court Library?
The Precedence of the United States of America.
posted by Puntastic on 3-24-2008 at 10:15 pm
A friend of mine went camping for the first time. During the night, there was a big storm, overturning his tent.
When he got up the next morning, we asked him how his first night camping was. He replied, “Man… Camping’s intense.”
posted by Logan Bright on 3-24-2008 at 10:28 pm
G fo sho. Maybe H if the editors note was part of the pun, but since its not… G!
posted by Deose on 3-24-2008 at 10:38 pm
I would say B
posted by Ryan Jones on 3-25-2008 at 12:07 am
Gandhi was a very spiritual man known for being a vegetarian and stagging long hunger strikes. He often was left to the whims of the out of doors barefoot and without a toothbrush. Simply said you could say he was a super calloused fragile mystic with a case of halitosis.
posted by sorepheet on 3-25-2008 at 8:50 am
A
H would be a close second
posted by sacshu on 3-25-2008 at 11:49 am
Rene Descartes was sitting in a bar near closing time and the bartender looked over and asked him “Hey Rene’ you want another beer?”, Descartes responded “I think not”, and disappeared.
posted by John on 3-25-2008 at 11:54 am
B
posted by Arvind on 3-25-2008 at 12:20 pm
D!
Although I do add this to H’s editor’s note: Wah wah waaaaaahh.
posted by Holly on 3-25-2008 at 2:17 pm
G for me =)
posted by Php Shopping Cart Software on 3-25-2008 at 2:34 pm
E because both words are pun-ish and it’s very easy to remember and repeat. I’ve heard the one about the french artists several times so it can’t be that new.
posted by BZ on 3-25-2008 at 7:08 pm
Anyone who doesn’t vote for G or H should be Punished
posted by Ben on 3-26-2008 at 4:00 pm
Can I vote for the Editor’s Note?? Hilarious!!
posted by Toni on 4-1-2008 at 1:48 am
My vote goes to J
posted by Allison on 4-4-2008 at 3:20 pm
I Kant!!! Wahahahahaha!
posted by jelly_Ace on 4-5-2008 at 12:54 am
B all the way.
posted by Kurt on 10-14-2008 at 6:14 pm
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet
became quite thick and hard. He also was quite a spiritual person.
Even when he was not on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and
became quite thin and frail. Due to this diet, he wound up with very
bad breath. Therefore, he came to be known as a . . .
Super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis!
This is the single best pun I’ve ever heard or read. But A is a close second.
posted by Digs on 1-5-2009 at 4:02 pm
H is the best
posted by god on 6-2-2009 at 1:38 pm
None of them were particularly funny, and D is quite clearly not a pun.
posted by TheGabe on 6-4-2009 at 3:36 pm
E.
posted by V on 7-2-2009 at 5:10 am
I is between H and J.
It’s THAT obvious!
posted by I on 10-3-2009 at 11:12 pm