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If the throngs of crazed customers clutching registry printouts at Crate & Barrel are any indication, wedding season is once again upon us. Before you head off to the next joyous union on your jam-packed calendar, let’s take a moment to reflect on the rich history of marriage celebrations and revel in the realization that weddings are, at their core, incredibly bizarre.
The White Wedding Dress
Technically, today’s wedding gowns aren’t white. They are “Candlelight,” “Warm Ivory,” “Ecru” or “Frost.” But there was a time when a bride’s wedding attire was simply the best thing in her closet (talk about “off the rack”), and could be any color, even black. To convince her groom that she came from a wealthy family, brides would also pile on layers of fur, silk and velvet, as apparently grooms didn’t care if his wife-to-be reeked of sweaty B.O. as long as she was loaded. It was dear ol’ Queen Victoria (whose reign lasted from 1837-1901) who made white fashionable. She wore a pale gown trimmed in orange blossoms for her 1840 wedding to her first cousin, Prince Albert. Hordes of royal-crazed plebeians immediately began to copy her, which is an astonishing feat considering that People Magazine wasn’t around to publish the Super Exclusive Wedding Photos, or instruct readers on how to Steal Vicki’s Hot Wedding Style.
Giving Away the Bride
Remember that “Women’s Studies” class you considered taking in college? Allow us to summarize what you would have learned: All of our society’s gender issues stem from the fact that fathers once used their daughters as currency to a) pay off a debt to a wealthier land owner, b) symbolize a sacrificial, monetary peace offering to an opposing tribe or c) buy their way into a higher social strata. So next time you tear up watching a beaming father walk his little girl down the aisle, remember that it’s just a tiny, barbaric little hold over from the days when daughters were nothing but dollar signs to daddy dearest. And that veil she’s wearing? Yeah, that was so the groom wouldn’t know if he was stuck with an uggo until it was time to kiss the bride and too late to back out on the transaction. (There is also some superstitious B.S. about warding off evil spirits, but we think you’ll agree that hiding a busted grill from the husband-to-be is a more practical purpose.)
The Wedding Party
Talk about your runaway brides—the original duty of a “Best Man” was to serve as armed backup for the groom in case he had to resort to kidnapping his intended bride away from disapproving parents. The “best” part of that title refers to his skill with a sword, should the need arise. (You wouldn’t want to take the “just okay” member of your weapon-wielding posse with you to steal yourself a wife, would you?)
The best man stands guard next to the groom right up through the exchange of vows (and later, outside the newlyweds’ bedroom door), just in case anyone should attack or if a non-acquiescent bride should try to make a run for it. It’s said that feisty groups like the Huns, Goths and Visigoths took so many brides by force that they kept a cache of weapons stored beneath the floorboards of churches for convenience. Modern-day best men are more likely to store an emergency six-pack at the ceremony for convenience, but the title remains an apt one.
Ladies—believe it or not, the concept of the bridesmaid’s gown was not invented to inflict painful dowdiness upon the bride’s friends and female relatives thus making the bride look hotter by comparison. Historically, that dress you’ll never wear again was actually selected with the purpose of tricking the eye of evil spirits and jealous ex-lovers (spicy!). Brides’ faithful attendants were instructed to wear a dress similar to that of the bride so that during their group stroll to the church it would be hard for any ill-willed spirits or former boy-toys to spot the bride and curse/kidnap/throw rocks at her. (Ditto for the boys in matching penguin suits, saving the groom from a similar fate.) Memo to the Maid of Honor: if you think organizing a themed shower complete with quiche, cupcakes and creative uses of toilet paper as a game is a tough gig, imagine this: MoH’s of old used to be responsible for making nearly all of the wedding decorations and putting them up herself.
Garter and Bouquet Toss
This pair of rituals has long been the scourge of the modern wedding guest. What could possibly be more humiliating than being forced out to the center of a parquet dance floor while a wedding DJ advertises your lack of a boyfriend and then being expected to further demonstrate your desperation by diving for flying flowers? Wait…. Yup, we can top that. How about grasping in the air for a lacy piece of undergarment that until moments ago resided uncomfortably close to the crotch of your buddy’s wife? At any other point in time, that would make you a total perv, so why is it acceptable at a wedding? Well, hold on to your scruples boys and girls, because the history behind these customs is downright dirty.
It used to be that after the bride and groom said, “I do,” they were to go immediately into a nearby room and “close the deal” and consummate the marriage. Obviously, to really make it official, there would need to be witnesses, which basically led to hordes of wedding guests crowding around the bed, pushing and shoving to get a good view and hopefully to get their hands on a lucky piece of the bride’s dress as it was ripped from her body. Sometimes the greedy guests helped get the process going by grabbing at the bride’s dress as she walked by, hoping for a few threads of good fortune. In time, it seems, people realized that this was all a bit, well… creepy, and it was decided that for modesty’s sake the bride could toss her bouquet as a diversion as she made her getaway and the groom could simply remove an item of the bride’s undergarments and then toss it back outside to the waiting throngs to prove that he was about to, uh, get ‘er done.
Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue (and a Sixpence in My Shoe?)
A common theme that you’ve no doubt noticed throughout this post: humans used to be a superstitious bunch. This rhyming phrase neatly lists a number of English customs dating back to the Victorian age which, when worn in combination, should bring the bride oodles of fabulous good luck. The something old was meant to tie the bride to her family and her past, while the something new represented her new life as the property of a new family. The item borrowed was supposed to be taken from someone who was already a successfully married wife, so as to pass on a bit of her good fortune to the new bride. The color blue (Virgin Mary-approved!) stood for all sorts of super fun things like faithfulness, loyalty, and purity. The sixpence, of course, was meant to bring the bride and her new groom actual, cold, hard fortune. Just in case that wasn’t enough, brides of yore also carried bunches of herbs (which most brides now replace with expensive, out-of-season peonies) to ward off evil spirits.
The Wedding Cake
We have to believe that there was a time, somewhere in history, when the whole, “Will they/won’t they smash cake in each other’s faces!” scenario was actually clever and original (even if we couldn’t find any evidence of it). What we did find was the granddaddy predecessor to cake-face-smashing: the breaking of baked goods over the bride’s head. Customarily, the groom would gnaw off a bite of barley bread and then the remainder of the loaf was held above the newlywed bride’s head and then broken, showering her with crumbs and a soul-crushing message of her husband’s male dominance. Guests would then scramble to pick up any wayward crumbs off the floor as they were said to bring good…wait for it… luck!
This tradition evolved as cake emerged as the preferred confection for wedding celebrations. Fortunately for the bride, a whole cake doesn’t break in two quite as dramatically as a loaf of bread and so it was sliced on a table instead. Rather than scrounge for lucky crumbs on the floor, guests would stand in line while the bride passed tiny, fortune-blessed morsels of cake through her own wedding ring into the hands of the waiting masses. This act also fell by the wayside, as we can only assume the bride determined that it was a lousy waste of her time. Thus began the tradition of giving out whole slices of cake to each guest, not to be eaten, but to be placed under their pillow at night for (yup, here it is again) good luck and, for the ladies, sweet dreams of their future husbands. [Image courtesy of alt text.]
Refusing to Throw Away the Leftovers
This leads to another sweet, delicious, buttercream-iced mystery to be solved: Why do couples eat freezer-burned wedding cake on their one-year anniversary? To answer this, we must look to the lyrics of a schoolyard classic: First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage! It used to be assumed that when there was a wedding, a christening would follow shortly. So, rather than bake two cakes for the occasions, they’d just bake one big one and save a part of it to be eaten at a later date when the squealing bundle of joy arrived. Eventually folks warmed to the idea of giving the poor kid his own, newly baked cake, but the custom of saving a portion of the wedding cake far longer than it should be saved and then eating it and deluding oneself to believe that it actually tastes good is one that persists to this day.
Throwing Rice
Pelting newlyweds with uncooked starchy vegetables is a time-honored tradition meant to shower the new couple with prosperity, fertility and, of course, good fortune. Oats, grains and dried corn were 
also used before rice rose to the top as the preferred symbolic sprinkle. Rice lost its popularity when it became widely rumored that if birds ate the rice, it would expand in their stomach and kill them. This is decidedly untrue, as is evidenced by the fact that birds eat dried rice and corn and other dehydrated vegetables and grains from fields all the time and we have yet to see any mention of a national, exploding-bird epidemic running on the CNN news ticker.
Rice can be a hazard to guests, who can lose their footing on rice covered pavement and take a nasty spill. Turns out, even rice alternatives have their drawbacks. Two Texas women were badly injured at a wedding in May 2008 while trying to light celebratory sparklers to send off the bride and groom. The group of sparklers ignited all at once and exploded, burning one woman’s face and both of their arms. One guest at a Russian wedding in Chechnya last March decided to buck tradition altogether and threw an armed hand grenade into the unsuspecting crowd, injuring a dozen people. Our advice? Stick with rose petals. They are soft, non-hazardous, non-lethal and biodegradable.
Jenn Thompson is a freelance writer for publications including Charlotte Magazine, Weddings Unveiled, and The Atlantan. For the next few days, she’ll be sharing her wedding knowledge with us. Tomorrow: strange wedding laws still on the books.
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Shhh…super secret special for blog readers.
Comments (36)
Comment
I totally scrapped most of these traditions for my wedding. Turns out my dad was sad he didn’t get to walk me down the aisle. I didn’t think he’d care. I thought he’d be happy I didn’t think of myself as property. I had my parents walk down the aisle together in front of me. To me, they symbolized a long, happy marriage, which a lot of people don’t see nowadays. But my dad was still sad. Ugh, I did the daddy/daughter dance, though. I just think all that stuff is so cheesy. No one seemed to even notice we didn’t do a bouquet/garter toss. But my husband’s family was disturbed that we didn’t have a wedding cake and just had an assortment of yummy desserts instead. Geez. You can’t please everyone, so scrap the traditions you think are lame, and keep the ones you like!
posted by Snap on 6-23-2008 at 4:10 pm
That is great advice, Snap! After all it’s all about you and your spouse-to-be. Of course it’s easier for me and my future hubby to buck tradition given that we are paying for everything ourselves. I know some brides find it hard to say no to parents that are footing the bill for their little girl’s Big Day.
posted by Elizabeth on 6-23-2008 at 4:49 pm
Excellent post, Jenn! Truly a pleasure to read!
posted by Johnny Cat on 6-23-2008 at 6:21 pm
Great Post!
posted by Artemis!! on 6-23-2008 at 6:38 pm
You forgot a few other time-honored traditions, like carying the bride across the threshhold (so that the evil spirits living in the wood wouldn’t trip her and curse the marriage with bad luck), or tying old shoes to the back of the happy couple’s car (I’ve heard a couple of different explanations for this one)
posted by Troy Wood on 6-23-2008 at 7:00 pm
We scrapped most traditions too. My Uncle walked me down the stairs (we were married in a B&B) so I wouldn’t trip and fall to my death in front of our guests.
Nothing was thrown at any time, and our reception was held in a Scottish pub. It was an awesome party!
We did have cake, but gave the top layer to the waitstaff of the pub as we were moving out of the country and couldn’t bring the cake with us anyway.
Sadly, no matter how much info there is out there about the history of the white dress, there are thousands and thousands of girls who insist on wearing white because otherwise, their mothers would be horrified to know their daughters aren’t virgins. Ugh!!
posted by Dawn on 6-23-2008 at 8:04 pm
so…is it just me or does the bride get a bit of the shaft in all this….the property bit, the cake bit, the veil and white dress bit.
posted by Claire on 6-23-2008 at 8:36 pm
I still like what a cousin of mine did at her wedding.
Instead of throwing the bouquet and garter, all the married couples were asked to stand. Then all those married a under year were asked to sit, then under five years, then under ten and so on.
when two couples were left the ones married longest were given the bouquet and garter, and danced with the bride and groom for luck. (If I remember right the winning guests were the groom’s great-aunt & uncle married over 40 years.)
posted by styph on 6-24-2008 at 1:23 am
I thought the white wedding dress tradition started when Napoleon married Josephine, which was much earlier than Queen Vic’s. Has anyone else heard of this?
posted by Ari on 6-24-2008 at 4:31 am
Claire, the bride does not get teh raw end of the stick… the groom ends up married!
posted by Witty Nickname on 6-24-2008 at 6:56 am
I understand a slightly different explanation for the bridesmaid’s dresses that you actually did already hint to. The bridesmaids were to dress identically to the bride, not to ward off evil spirits but to confuse the would be bride snatchers (the groom and his best man with the sword) and perhaps the bride could escape!
“count Egmont”
posted by KJ on 6-24-2008 at 7:27 am
Having just married on Saturday, this gave me a good chuckle.
posted by Ira on 6-24-2008 at 8:21 am
If my wedding has a cake that even comes close to the grandeur of the Mario cake I will be a very happy man.
posted by Daniel on 6-24-2008 at 8:58 am
Congrats Ira! I hope you didn’t take your wife by armed force.
posted by kate on 6-24-2008 at 9:18 am
“The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman’s point of view that men are all the same; so we might as well dress them that way. That’s why a wedding is like the joining together of a beautiful, glowing bride and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device, created by women because they know that men are undependable. So in case the groom chickens out, everybody just takes one step over, and she marries the next guy.”
-Jerry Seinfeld
posted by Derek Baker on 6-24-2008 at 9:21 am
@Daniel. You have to remember, “groom’s cake”. I don’t know exactly why - my guess would be because wedding cakes are so darn expensive - but there is a trend to order two cakes for a wedding, and the second is the groom’s cake. (Or is the groom’s cake for the rehearsal dinner?) I’ve seen ALL SORTS of crazy cakes. Just do a GIS and you’ll see.
When I got married, no one noticed that we didn’t do the bouquet/garter toss. I gave my bouquet to my cousin who I’m very close to. We did eat a bite of the same cake on our 1 year anniversary, and it was horrible. However, I’m divorced now so I guess all the other things we did for “luck” didn’t matter anyway. :)
posted by caitlen315 on 6-24-2008 at 9:41 am
Sometimes, traditions change and take on a life of their own.
To me the article comes across as cynical and sarcastic. It’s easy to snub our noses at the attitudes and ideas of the past. But the same will be done to us in another 100+ years. If not sooner.
If you dislike a certain tradition, then don’t follow it. Make your own. (And them wait for the backlash from your kids when it comes their time.)
But let those who do decide to follow them, enjoy their time without ridicule.
posted by Todd on 6-24-2008 at 10:12 am
Agreed. Some of these traditions seem silly, but don’t deserve the vitriol spouted here. Most of these traditions have evolved past their original meanings, and the especially stupid ones (i.e., cake through the wedding ring) have passed out of existence.
If you’re offended by the garter/bouquet toss, then don’t participate, but don’t paint the people who do as backward-thinking neanderthals. I don’t consider myself to be property, but I’ll let my dad walk me down the aisle, because he’s a loving, decent man who’s happy to participate in his only daughter’s wedding.
posted by bedhead on 6-24-2008 at 11:06 am
at my wedding my husband and i had agreed to absolutely not mush cake in each other’s faces. the cake was blue, so it would certainly stain our faces for the rest of the night. my brother was yelling “shove it in her faaace” so after a dainty bite i whirled around and threw it at him. nailed him right on the chin. it would have been right between the eyes but he moved his head. that was a highlight of the evening. i also opted out of bridesmaids. i have 5 brothers, so 4 of them stood with me. the 5th was unable to come due to military stuff. this was almost 3 years ago now. i walked down the aisle to “killer queen” by queen. the music was entirely a surprise, so when the song started playing my dad looked at me with the “are you serious?” dad-look. then he started smiling. everybody was sufficiently entertained. it’s supposed to be a fun day, and there are plenty of ways to buck tradition and make it your own. we didn’t do a garter toss but we did have a brawl between two little girls for the bouquet.
posted by lindsay m on 6-24-2008 at 12:04 pm
More kudos on the article. I think that an important part of any family is the traditions that you create for yourselves. Your wedding is a chance to personalize your celebration. The bride and groom should do what makes them happy - it’s their day. One of my favorite things in my own wedding was a cross-word puzzle at the reception with questions about ourselves.
posted by brandino on 6-24-2008 at 12:35 pm
I also heard this one from a friend of mine…The bride is supposed to keep a flower from each of her previous relationships. When she gets married she takes these flowers and these are the petals that the flower girl throws down the aisle. It is supposed to signify the bride walking over her past and towards her future.
posted by Addie on 6-24-2008 at 12:54 pm
Hey, you got a shout out on Jezebel. I would post the link, but I’m not allowed…
posted by Nadria on 6-24-2008 at 3:04 pm
Very entertaining.
I had heard that the veil is also a symbol of chastity.
And the shoes on the car is yet another sign of ownership, I think.
posted by Nerak on 6-24-2008 at 3:22 pm
I was married in an Indian ceremony. How do you explain the fact that in India, the groom wears the veil… actually… Indian weddings are all about the groom.
posted by Jon on 6-24-2008 at 3:57 pm
Part of my heritage is Wendish, a Notrhern European lineage. The tradition there was that the bride wore black as a reminder of the difficulty and sorrow (think infant mortality) of married life.
How’s that for cheerful!
posted by HeyBeav on 6-24-2008 at 6:27 pm
Hey Snap, it’s easy enough to say, “I’m doing it my way and to heck with what anyone else thinks.”, but I gotta tell ya, those whose feelings were hurt by your attitude never really get over it. Sometimes it’s just easier to keep traditions in the ceremony just to keep the peace. Guess that’s why traditions have a such a strong grip on society.
posted by Pam on 6-24-2008 at 10:28 pm
At my uncle’s wedding I thought I was a comedian by throwing a big handfull of rice directly into his face. He was spitting, and brushing rice out of his beard. I think I redeemed myself though. Across the street from the church was a repairman using a cherrypicker (bucket truck) to work on overhead wires. I mentioned that the group photograph could be taken from up there (like an aerial shot). Someone asked the repair guy, he took the camera up in the bucket, and snapped the group photo.
It’s like a Johnny LaRue crane shot, if you remember John Candy’s character from SCTV, and LaRue’s fondness for using Crane Shots.
posted by Tdave on 6-25-2008 at 5:03 am
As my best friends MOH at her first wedding, I stood beside her while she and the groom cut their first piece of cake. The best man stood next to his groom and there we were, beaming with pride and excitement as the happy couple prepared to feed each other cake. (Also trying to look our best for the great photo op, why were there so many people taking pictures of this moment?)
Next thing I know-bride and groom turn towards us to shove cake in our faces. (So that’s why there were so many people in line to take pictures.) I grabbed the bride and gave her a huge frosting kiss on her face, so we were both covered in cake.
It was different, it was fun and it was her. I’ll never forget it!!!
posted by mrs.djs on 6-25-2008 at 9:21 am
I dont think the article was harsh or demeaning to the traditions, just explaining the often silly background to alot of the traditions people still keep. Traditions are always a good link to the past and heritage no matter how crazy their origin. As for the shoes on the car, I was always under the impression it had something to do with the old tradition of throwing your shoe towards people to wish them luck on a journey. I guess tying them to a car probably kept the injuries and lost shoes to a minimum. As for new stuff, a friend of mine recently married a guy with the last name Black, and as they were walking back down the aisle together after the ceremony a friend of ours surprised everyone (except the bride and groom obviously) by playing AC/DC Back in Black on the guitar. It was pretty cool
posted by JP on 6-25-2008 at 12:11 pm
We eloped and I wore a black dress. We rule.
posted by Amanda on 6-25-2008 at 5:12 pm
Some of these “origins” are a little suspicious. In the pre-refigeration era, people kept cake laying around for 9 mos to a year and served it at a christening? Really? What’s your source for that? And it what society did the wedding guests gather around the bed and watch the consummation of the marriage? I don’t recall that from any of the anthropology classes I took.
In summary, this article is about 70% BS.
posted by Mabry on 6-25-2008 at 10:28 pm
One alternative to rice that I have often seen and liked is providing guests with small containers of bubbles and letting them blow away while the couple runs through. Best part? No clean-up!
posted by Amy on 6-26-2008 at 2:28 pm
Great article when I first read it - now it’s on the front page of the CNN website. Congratulations - bet hits on MF overall have really spiked. . .
posted by gwdMaine on 6-27-2008 at 11:06 am
OK, is there any room in this and other articles on this website to cite sources?
Frankly, alot of what is in this article smells of manure - you need to do better than this….
posted by jj on 6-28-2008 at 7:12 am
At my wedding, there was no bouquet or “garter” throwing. I announced that I was giving the 3 bouquets to the women in the room who to me epitomized the wife I hoped to be. I gave one to my stepmother, who had made my long-suffering (with my mom) father happy and spent months, all day every day by his bedside when he was in the hospital in another state; one to my aunt, who had been there for me through my own long-suffering childhood and who married someone who is benefitting from her extraordinary supportiveness; and my new mother-in-law, a lady through and through who was like my aunt and step-mother.
I tried to be like them after I was married, but now I decided to heck with all this long-suffering acquiescence - I am just as entitled to the same kind of treatment and respect. My husband wonders what happened to the sweet, giving, supportive girl he married, who is now demanding equally good treatment…or else! (smile)
posted by me too on 7-2-2008 at 6:03 am
www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/06/27/wedding.traditions/
posted by aleece on 7-4-2008 at 9:06 am