Why People Feel Lonelier on Valentine’s Day (Even If They’re Not Single)

Valentine’s Day's origins may be associated with an extraordinarily wild festival based in ancient Rome, but today, the holiday is linked to roses and chocolate rather than animal sacrifices and possible nudity. In modern times, Valentine’s Day is ostensibly a day to celebrate romance, but it’s also become a bit of a performance that tends to involve buying heart-shaped things, going out to expensive dinners, and posting your loved one on social media—or, sometimes, scrolling through social media, looking enviously at others’ relationships.

Despite Valentine’s Day’s emphasis on romance, celebration, and love, many people actually feel lonely or struggle with their mental health on this day. This can definitely also happen to people who are in relationships. No matter your circumstances, Valentine’s Day and all the expectations associated with it can bring up feelings of inadequacy, abandonment, or pressure, especially thanks to social media. 

Why People Feel Lonely on Valentine’s Day: The Comparison Trap

Whether or not you’re single on Valentine’s Day, it’s easy to feel lonely on this day thanks to the holiday’s emphasis on romance and perfect-seeming relationships. Naturally, being single on Valentine’s Day can be hard if you’re longing for a partnership. The holiday can bring up feelings of inadequacy and disappointment, especially for people who have recently gone through breakups or who might be putting pressure on themselves to be in a relationship within a certain timeline.

Actually being in a relationship on Valentine’s Day can also be challenging. If you are working through some issues with your partner, or if your expectations for an ideal romantic day aren’t met, it can be easy to feel lonely or extra dissatisfied inside your partnership on Valentine’s Day. 

This is often due to all the expectations that have been manufactured around the holiday, and also to all the posts on social media that feature people showing off their perfect-seeming partnerships. All this can naturally bring up feelings of comparison or strain inside a relationship. It’s definitely important to remember that social media is not real—yet it can be addictive—and it’s incredibly easy to hide real issues in relationships with a few carefully posed images and captions. 

Sometimes Valentine’s Day expectations can also put financial strain or other pressures on a relationship. It can be helpful to communicate with your partner about what will actually make you both happy on this day.

How to Combat Loneliness on Valentine’s Day

Whether or not you’re in a relationship on Valentine’s Day, it can be helpful to spend some time focusing on yourself and taking part in enjoyable activities on this particular holiday. You might set aside some time to create some art, to go for a hike, to watch a movie, to do some self-care activities, or anything that brings you joy. Valentine’s Day is also a great day to volunteer or send some love to people who are going through challenges of their own, a practice that can have its own health benefits.

In general, Valentine’s Day is an excellent day to avoid social media, especially if you’re easily triggered by seeing other happy couples online. It may also be a good idea to make plans with friends and loved ones on this day.

In many parts of the world, Galentine’s Day—which originated on the show Parks and Recreation—is becoming a popular alternative to Valentine’s Day. This tradition focuses on gathering with other female friends and usually celebrating friendship, sometimes through spa days or brunches, or other times simply by being together, and though it's usually celebrated on February 13, it's also becoming a popular choice for Valentine's Day itself.

It’s also important to remember that if you’re feeling lonely on Valentine’s Day, ironically, you’re very much not alone. Loneliness is a growing epidemic worldwide, and naturally, a day focused on ostentatious displays of romance might trigger some hard feelings. But at the end of the day, Valentine’s Day is just another day, one inspired by a Roman fertility festival that involved whipping women with goat skin at that.