Bond (James Bond) Week: For the Ladies


We're getting an extra Bond post today, because presumably half our readership are women who are wondering how they, too, can convincingly pretend to be James Bond. Needless to say, The Book of Bond (1965) does not cover this. It does, however, have some advice for aspiring Bond girls:

* "It's possible to get by on only four outfits, though they must all be carefully chosen from near the top of the price range, and we're afriad they're unlikely to look very good on anybody over about thirty-five." The book goes on to describe said four outfits, plus three cocktail dresses ("lasciviously tight"), three "out and about" ensembles, and five "informal" getups which consist of a bikini, several sets of black lingerie, a belt, and a diving mask.

* "Ideally you need to be a blonde, but if you aren't by nature, don't colour your hair artificially unless you're prepared to give hourly attention to the roots: 007s notice that sort of thing."

* "Fine breasts, splendid breasts, faultless breasts, beautiful firm breasts, thrusting breasts, high-riding and deeply V-ed breasts are very important."

* "You must practice some sport or other physical pastime. Select from the following: Swimming, underwater swimming, diving, figure-skating, massaging, or archery (useful for disposing of homicidal ex-Nazis)."

* "Don't worry about being a good conversationalist."

Well, that last bit certainly explains Dr. Christmas Jones.