Marching to the Beat of a Different Slide Instrument

As a companion piece to Jason Plautz's College Football Traditions quiz, Steven Clontz is here to make sure the marching band gets its due. Here's a picture of him with his trombone, to prove he's qualified.

Over the next few months, he'll be contributing a series of band-related stories, including the definitive list of celebrity marching band alums (Know of any? Make his research easy and leave names in the comments -- rock stars, musicians, CEOs, politicians, etc.) His first story explores the seedy underbelly of the pseudotrombone world. Enjoy.

Talk to me for ten minutes, ten minutes tops, and I'll probably mention that I'm a member of my university's marching band. This is because we take marching band seriously around these parts, calling ourselves "band athletes" and running rehearsals until half the clarinet section is unconscious from heat stroke. But this aura of solemnity ends right at the edge of the field where you can find my own section warming up, the trombones. In fact, the only thing we take seriously is our dedication to slacking off. And I'm sure that more than once, our director has considered giving us the boot because of it. The highest organization of marching ensembles, Drum Corps International, doesn't even include trombones on its list of approved instruments, opting for the more valve-centric euphonium.

I suppose, though, that we're pretty safe in our inclusion on marching bands across the country. We are, after all, the only mainstream brass instrument that uses a slide rather than valves in order to change pitch. (Brass instruments in general change notes by changing the length of the instrument being blown through; the longer the instrument, the lower the pitch. Aside from the trombone, however, most do this by pressing valves, which then redirect air through extra tubing, before returning to the instrument proper.) So I'd argue we're protected by some sort of bizarre musical affirmative-action.

However, we are not the ONLY slided instrument to grace God's green Earth. So let's take a moment to look over some of the lesser-known pseudotrombones, and I'll thank my lucky stars that I get to play the real thing.

5. Sackbut

4. Soprano Trombone

3. Slide Whistle

2. Electric Trombone

So, for all intents and purposes, the electric trombone is basically a pimped-out regular trombone. One of the biggest proponents of the electric trombone is jazz trombonist and bandleader Robin Eubanks. He describes the electric trombone as an "acoustic trombone [with] a microphone on the bell [run] into a bank of processors; usually a basic guitar multi-effects processor that's been around for decades." The result? Well, listen to it for yourself. Eubanks has a piece called Blues for Jimi Hindrex, which you can check out on YouTube.

1. Superbone