Before this week, I would have told you that the Iowa State Fair is arguably the best State Fair in the U.S. After visiting the State Fair of Texas this week, I will tell you that the Iowa State Fair is definitely the best in the U.S. Because I grew up going to the fair, I am more than familiar with delicacies such as the Hot Beef Sundae, Meatballs on a Stick, and, my personal favorite, the Pickle Dawg. However loyal I am to the Iowa State Fair, though, I have to admit that the Texas fair has us beat in one area: variety of fried foods. Purely for research purposes, I made it my mission to sample as many strange foods as I could possibly get my hands on. Check out my in depth and very scientific analysis below.

1. Fried Coke


As in Coca-Cola. I had heard of this before but couldn't quite wrap my head around the concept. Turns out, it's basically just discs of fried dough with Coke syrup and whipped cream on top. I was not impressed at all. My rating: 3/10.

2. Fried Cookie Dough

In a NASCAR box. This was delicious, but rather overwhelming. The inside of the fried cookie dough is exactly like biting into a really underbaked cookie "“ gooey, warm, heavenly. The problem is that they were the size of a small egg and it was just a bit much. Make them bite-sized and we'll call it perfection. My rating: 7/10.

3. Porkchop on a Stick

Oh, the travesty!! This is one of everyone's favorites at the Iowa State Fair, for good reason: they're thick, juicy, delicious and surrounded by a perfect ring of fat (and I don't really even like meat that much). They are to die for. Imagine our surprise, then, when we bought one at the Texas State Fair that was approximately the size of an amoeba. OK, maybe a little bigger, but I thought everything was supposed to be bigger in Texas. This was pathetic. Despite the disappointing porkchop, my friend Mason still managed to eat two of them. Mason's rating: 6/10 (I didn't try this one).

4. Fried Peanut Butter, Jelly and Banana Sandwich

friedpbj.jpgElvis would be proud. Iowa State Fair, take note!! Sure, this sandwich is probably equal to your fat and calorie for an entire month, but it's really damn good. Also, lest you are thinking "fried" as in fried chicken, I should tell you that it's more like corn dog breading "“ sweet, fluffy, delicious. The fried PBJB was AMAZING. My rating: 9/10.

5. Corn on the Cob

Why did I even bother? Iowa is known for its corn "“ the peaches and cream variety is so yummy it doesn't even need butter or salt. This corn was so lackluster that even being drenched in butter couldn't save it. My rating: 1/10.

6. Fried Latte


texasfairoscar.jpgYep. Apparently this is good enough to win the award for best new Texas State Fair food. See, it won this prestigious award (====>)

It's basically just chewy bits of fried dough with chocolate ice cream, coffee granules and whipped cream. It was pretty good, but I'll definitely take the PBJB instead. My rating: 6/10.

7. Miller Lite

Neither fried nor on a stick. I am here to tell you that the Miller Lite in Texas is just as good as it is in Iowa. My rating: 9/10.

8. Fletcher's Corn Dog

I am told that the State Fair of Texas is the birthplace of the corn dog, so of course I had to see what all the fuss was about. I thought, you know, a corn dog is a corn dog. I was wrong. I suspect it comes down to personal taste, but I really prefer my corn dog batter to be a bit sweeter. Eh. My rating: 5/10.

Overall, I'm glad we had the change to go, but give me my Iowa State Fair any day. Even the butter sculpture at the Texas State Fair fell short. Seriously, this:


Compared to this?


I think the butter speaks for itself.

Now it's your turn. What's the best part of your state's state fair? How about the most wonderful/artery-clogging indigenous fried food?

Previous Armchair Field Trips:

The Corn Palace
The International Spy Museum
The Grassy Knoll
Intercourse, Pennsylvania
Ogunquit, Maine
Aquinnah, Massachusetts