The Quick 10: 10 Mating Rituals We're Glad Humans Don't Do


I've recently gotten a little bit obsessed with Dirty Jobs after watching a marathon a couple of weekends ago. My new obsession probably has a lot to do with Mike Rowe, but that's neither here nor there. The episode that really caught my attention was the one where Mike visited a camel farm and helped a male camel impregnate a female camel. What the male did to prepare for the whole ordeal was quite strange and is the inspiration for today's post. In fact, it's #1:

1. In preparation for mating, a male camel kind of pukes up a pink sac called a doula. It hangs out the side of its mouth while the camel drools excessively. Apparently female camels find this quite arousing. See for yourself:

2. A hippo sprays his potential mate with his poo.

3. Similarly, a porcupine pees on his gal pal first.

4. Male grasshoppers sing for their supper"¦ er, sex. They have more than 400 songs they use to serenade a female and each one has a different meaning. For instance, "Can I buy you a drink?" is a different tune than "Want to come up for coffee?"

5. If you're impressed by puke, you'll wish you were a white-fronted parrot. The male shows the female what a great mate he would make by regurgitating for her.

6. You can check out this jumping spider's pick up lines in action:

7. The mating ritual of the Argonaut octopus is pretty memorable and would be an absolute nightmare in nightclubs if men could do the same thing - the male is able to detach an arm full of sperm and let it swim over to the female to fertilize her.

8. The anglerfish has quite a disturbing ritual: the male bites the female and then injects an enzyme that fuses the two of them together. Then the male dies and rots away"¦ at least, most of him does. A small bit of him stays attached to the female and releases sperm when spawning season rolls around.

9. Flatworms are hermaphroditic, so they can be male or female. How do they decide when it comes to mating? Easy - they stab each other with their penises. Whichever worm penetrates the skin first gets to be the male.

10. Mmm, urine. That's what a male giraffe thinks, anyway. Before he'll start wooing a mate, he samples her pee. If it tastes good, only then will he start to pursue her.

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