The Best Way to Wipe Your Butt, According to the Experts

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iStock

Curtis Asbury, MD sees it all the time. A patient comes in with blotchy, red, irritated rectum and insists they’re not doing anything unusual. Peering into their sore bottom, Asbury nods solemnly, then delivers news most people never expect to hear.

“You’re not wiping correctly,” he says.

A dermatologist practicing in Selbyville, Delaware, Asbury has seen an uptick in the number of people coming in expressing dissatisfaction with their rectal hygiene. Whether it’s due to misguided parental instruction during toilet training or wiping on sheer instinct, some of us are simply not maintaining one of the most potentially dirty crevices of our body. And the consequences can be irritating.

“It’s called perianal dermatitis,” Asbury tells Mental Floss, describing the kind of topical irritation that afflicts people who are wiping poorly, infrequently, or overzealously. In an attempt to clean their rear end, some people scrub so violently that the American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons has given a name to the resulting tenderness: Polished Anus Syndrome, or PAS.

Fortunately, the key to avoiding PAS and other rectal misadventures is relatively easy. Here are some pro tips for a clean butt.

GIVE UP WET WIPES

For starters, Asbury recommends that people stop using the pre-moistened cloths, which are heavily marketed to promote a sparkling cavity. Use of the wipes has been associated with allergic reactions to methylisothiazolinone, a preservative used to inhibit bacterial growth while products are on store shelves. “Even the all-natural ones can cause problems,” he says, since any kind of chemical present in the wipes isn’t usually rinsed off right away.

Does that mean you should reach for dry toilet paper instead? Not quite. “It’s healthier, certainly, to clean your body with water," Asbury says. "Nobody takes a dry piece of paper, rubs it over their skin, and thinks they’re clean.” Even the Greco-Romans (332 BCE–395 CE) knew this, as one historical account from the philosopher Seneca revealed that they used a damp sponge affixed to a stick as a post-toiletry practice. Of course, some ancient cultures also wiped with pebbles and clam shells, among other poor ideas, so perhaps we should stick with contemporary advice.

INVEST IN A BIDET

A bidet sprays water out of a toilet
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Asbury is an advocate of the standalone or add-on toilet accessory that squirts a spray of water between your cheeks to flush out residual fecal matter. While bidets are common in Europe and Japan, the West has been slower to adopt this superior method of post-poop clean-up; others might be wary of tapping into existing home plumbing to supply fresh water, even though DIY installation is quite easy. For those patients, Asbury has developed an alternative method.

TRY PAPER TOWELS AND WATER

“What I tell people to use is Viva, a really soft, thick paper towel made by Kleenex,” he says. “You get a squirt bottle and you leave it near the toilet and moisten the paper towel.” Regular toilet paper is usually too flimsy to stand up to a soaking, while normal paper towels are too harsh for rectal purposes. Viva is apparently just right. (And no, Asbury is not a brand ambassador, nor does Kleenex endorse this alternative use.)

This advice does come with a major caveat: Viva wipes are not flushable and might very well clog your pipes if you try to send them down the drain. When Asbury recommends the technique, he advises people to throw used towels in the trash. If you find that idea appalling, and provided your butt is not already red from bad wiping strategy, lightly moistening a wad of durable toilet paper should do the job.

DRY THOROUGHLY BUT GENTLY

Once you’ve wiped enough to see clean paper, take a dry square and mop up any excess moisture. Whether it’s wet wipes or bidets, some people don’t bother with this step, but “it would be weird not to dry,” Asbury says. Occasionally, moisture can lead to intertrigo, which is irritation in skin folds, or a fungal infection.

You also want to have a soft touch. “I see people scrubbing hard,” Asbury says. “That just makes the problem worse.” Excessive wiping can lead to micro-tears in the anal tissue, causing bleeding and discomfort.

WIPE IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

Make sure to go from front to back, pushing waste away from the groin. This has traditionally been advised for women to keep poop away from the vaginal canal and prevent urinary tract infections. While Asbury hasn't found specific studies to back up this advice, he still believes it's likely more hygienic. There’s also something to be said for sitting while wiping, since ergonomically, it may keep your perianal area open. But if you’re uncomfortable reaching into the toilet to wipe, standing should suffice.

Assuming you’ve done all that and you’re still feeling discomfort, Asbury warns it might be something else. “If you’re not feeling clean, there could be issues with your sphincter,” he says. Weakened muscles can cause leakage. But generally, it’s dry-wipers who have trouble getting everything they need to get. For the hard-to-clean, Asbury advises that they make the switch to a bidet.

“It’s cold at first,” he says. “But you get used to it.”

Human Body Temperatures Are Dropping, and Science Might Know Why

dcdp/iStock via Getty Images
dcdp/iStock via Getty Images

In 1868, German physician Carl Reinhold August Wunderlich started to popularize what’s become the most recognizable number in all of medicine: 98.6°F or 37°C, which is thought to be the normal average human body temperature. Though his methods later came under scrutiny—Wunderlich stuck an enormous thermometer under the armpits of patients for 20 minutes, a less-than-accurate technique—this baseline has helped physicians identify fevers as well as abnormally low body temperatures, along with corresponding illnesses or diseases.

More than 150 years later, 98.6° may no longer be the standard. Humans seem to be getting cooler. Researchers at Stanford University School of Medicine, in a paper published in the journal eLife, compared three large datasets from different time periods: American Civil War records, a national health survey from the 1970s, and a Stanford database from 2007-2017. By comparing recorded body temperatures, the researchers founds that men are now averaging a temperature .58°C less than what's long been considered normal, while women are .32°C lower. On average, each has decreased roughly .03°C every decade since the 1860s.

What drove us to chill out? Scientists have a few theories. A number of advances in human comfort have been ushered in since the 1800s, including better hygiene and readily available food, which may have slowed our metabolic rate (temperature is an indication of that rate). Chronic inflammation, which also raises body temperature, has decreased with the advent of vaccines, antibiotics, and better healthcare. The researchers propose that, on average, our bodies are healthier and slightly less warm.

After all, the average life expectancy in Wunderlich’s era was just 38 years.

[h/t The Independent]

Last Wild Grove of Wollemi Pines, the Endangered ‘Dinosaur Trees,’ Saved From Australia's Wildfires

Marina Denisenko, iStock via Getty Images
Marina Denisenko, iStock via Getty Images

Almost three decades after they were rediscovered, the ancient "dinosaur trees" of Australia's Wollemi National Park were nearly wiped out for good. Wildlife officials in New South Wales feared that the last natural stand of Wollemi pines would be counted among the billions of plants and animals destroyed by Australia's recent wave of wildfires. But thanks to quick action from firefighters, the ancient grove has been saved, The Guardian reports.

The first Wollemi pines date as far back as 200 million years, and the trees reached peak numbers 65 million to 34 million years ago. Since then, populations have shrunk so drastically that the species was thought to be extinct until it was rediscovered 26 years ago. Fewer than 200 wild specimens exist today, and they're all concentrated in a protected sandstone grove in Wollemi National Park, about 125 miles northwest of Sydney, Australia.

The Wollemi pines' fragile status means that one bad forest fire could spell its end. With this in mind, the New South Wales National Parks and Wildlife Service and NSW Rural Fire Service prioritized their protection this bushfire season. Before the Gospers Mountain fire spread to the canyons where the trees grow, a team of firefighters was sent there by helicopter to install an irrigation system. This kept the trees hydrated and made them less vulnerable to flames. Helicopters also dumped fire retardant around the grove to weaken the fire when it arrived.

The efforts weren't able be able to save every Wollemi pine from damage and destruction—a few trees survived with charring and two more died—but they were enough ensure the continuation of the species. With a population this small, protecting it is a never-ending battle. In addition to fire, visitors stepping on seedlings and introducing diseases also pose a threat. For that reason, the Australian government has chosen to hide the exact location of the grove from the public.

[h/t The Guardian]

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