29 Unforgettable Epitaphs
In a way, the epitaphs on gravestones are your last words to the world—and they’re literally written in stone. From political to humorous (and sometimes both), here are 29 people who had more to say than “RIP” or “Beloved wife.”
1. Leonard Matlovich
Wikimedia Commons // Public Domain
In 1975, Leonard Matlovich, a Purple Heart-decorated member of the Air Force, became the first gay member of the U.S. military to publicly out himself. His fight to keep his military job made the cover of Time magazine in 1975. When he found out he had AIDS in 1986, Matlovich wrote his own epitaph and arranged to be buried at the Congressional Cemetery in Washington, D.C. Both became a reality when he died two years later.
2. Gabriel Williams
Find a Grave // Dustin Oliver
Presumably, Gabe Williams' family decided to combine his two biggest passions on his tombstone: Gymnastics and rock music.
Family Tree Magazine // Dan Convery
A reddit user tested the recipe and was unimpressed. Your mileage may vary.
4. Andrew J. Olszak
FindAGrave // Michael Cannon
There's no more permanent way to stick it to your family after you're gone than to engrave your disappointment on your tombstone.
5. Rodney Dangerfield
Apparently comedian Rodney Dangerfield wanted to leave 'em laughing.
6. Billy Wilder
And writer/filmmaker/producer/artist Billy Wilder had the same idea.
7. George Spencer Millet
FindAGrave.com // Susan Kane
While it was once commonplace to put cause of death on gravestones, this particular demise was anything but run-of-the-mill.
8. Nathaniel Grigsby
According to Snopes, there's quite the story behind Grigsby's final words. As Abraham Lincoln's friend and extended family member (his brother married Lincoln's sister), Grigsby blamed the Democratic party for his death and, indeed, the entire Civil War. Twenty years after Lincoln was assassinated, Grigsby dictated his own epitaph as he lay on his deathbed and asked one of his sons to make sure the inscription was carried out.
9. Robert Clay Allison
Plazak,WikimediaCommons // CC BY-SA 3.0
As one of the most accomplished gunslingers in the Old West, Allison killed his fair share of people. According to his friends, though, Allison was a gentleman—he never killed a man who didn't have it coming.
10. Russell Larsen
FindAGrave // Candice xo
The saying on Larsen's grave is apparently well-known to many cowboys—but not many cowboys have immortalized it on their tombstones.
11. Bill Kugle
FindAGrave // Doug Zabel
Bill Kugle was a member of the Texas House of Representatives. Can you guess which party he belonged to?
12. Mary Dolencie
FindAGrave // eobfindagrave
Word to the wise: Don't anger cat ladies. When Mary Dolencie died in 1985, she wanted the world to know how angry she was at Whaling Port, her housing association. She believed her neighbors had it in for her, complaining about the number of cats she had and how she attracted pigeons to the area by feeding them. To get revenge, she had a curse engraved on her tombstone—but the people of Whaling Port say that so far, even decades later, things seem to be just fine.
David Jones, Wikimedia Commons //CC BY 2.0
Shakespeare's epitaph was thought to have been written by the Bard himself to prevent his corpse from being dug up for research purposes, which was commonplace at the time. So far, his warning seems to have worked.
14. Cecil O’Dell Eads
FindAGrave // magjo
15. Herman Harband
FindAGrave says that this stone is actually a cenotaph—a memorial of sorts— not an actual gravestone. After exacting revenge on his wife, Harband arranged to be buried elsewhere. Upon his death, his wife sold the empty plot and had the cenotaph removed. It's supposedly still in storage at Beth David Memorial Gardens in Hollywood, Florida.
16. Fran Thatcher
FindAGrave // Number1
17. Leslie Nielsen
FindAGrave// Traci Barbour
The famous funnyman had his epitaph planned for close to 15 years. He died in 2010, but said in a 1996 interview that he intended to put "Let 'er rip" on his gravestone. There's also a bench dedicated to Nielsen nearby; it's inscribed with "Sit down whenever you can."
18. Bette Davis
FindAGrave // Jim Tipton
As the story goes, after Bette Davis worked with director Joseph Mankiewicz on All About Eve, he mentioned that "She did it the hard way" would someday make an appropriate epitaph for her. When Davis died in 1989, she took him up on the suggestion.
19. Jerry Bibb Balisok
FindAGrave // Graveaddiction
Jerry Bibb Balisok's epitaph is the story of a heartbroken mother. Balisok disappeared in 1977, two weeks before he was to stand trial for writing bad checks. After not hearing from her son for two years, Marjorie Balisok, his mother, became convinced that she had spotted her son's body in a picture of aftermath of the Jonestown massacre. The State Department and the FBI investigated Jerry Balisok and concluded that he never left the United States, but Marjorie was positive her son was dead, and furious that she was unable to cash in on his insurance money since there was no body.
Unfortunately, Marjorie died in 1983—seven years before her son would resurface under an assumed name. He was convicted of attempted murder and given a 20-year prison sentence in 1993.
20. Anonymous Democrat
Reddit // wiskerbiscuts
A cemetery worker stumbled across this political gem last year and posted it on Reddit. Users were quick to point out that the stone should say "principles."
21. Edith Tina Barlow
FindAGrave // gr8hobby
Short, though not terribly sweet.
22. Michael Leroy Luther
FindAGrave // Papaduck34
"Game Over" is a pretty fitting last phrase for an arcade game addict—and Michael Luther was so into this particular diversion that his sister had this distinctive stone designed when he died in 2007.
23. Dorothy Parker
You'd expect nothing less than a tongue-in-cheek epitaph from the acid pen of Dorothy Parker. She once suggested "Excuse my dust" as her final goodbye, and also "This is on me."
24. Merv Griffin
Legendary talk show host Merv Griffin wrote his own epitaph before his death, choosing this one over "I told you I was sick," a favorite amongst epitaph jokesters. People magazine reports that he chose "Stay tuned," but "I will not be right back..." must have won out before engraving was finalized.
25. Sir Jeffery Hudson
FindAGrave // ChristianFernandez
To be clear, Sir Jeffery Hudson didn't die from being baked in a pie. It was apparently just his claim to fame—one that follows him even more than 300 years after his death.
26. Helen Herczberg Gawara
You can hear about Gawara's experience in this interview from the United States Holocaust Museum.
27. Dee Dee Ramone
FindAGrave // A.J. Marik
The Ramones rocker's epitaph is both laid-back and practical at the same time.
28. Lawrence L. Cook, Jr.
FindAGrave.com // Lawrence L Cook 3rd
Mr. Cook passed away in 2004 after "a long illness," and his wife died in 1999, so his epitaph is likely meant to make visitors laugh—not provide a recap of his last moments.
29. Jack Lemmon
Before his death, Academy Award winner Jack Lemmon was able to specify that he wanted his tombstone to be his final marquee. His instructions were followed to the letter—not even dates of birth or death accompany the simple statement.