15 Non-Sex Uses for Condoms

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iStock

A condom may just be the most versatile tool you have lying around. Some of these are good ideas. Some of them are terrible ideas. But all of them are real and tested. (NOTE: You’ll want to use unlubricated condoms for most of these.)

You can use condoms to … 

1. ... STORE WATER.

Compact, super-stretchy, and watertight, condoms are a survivalist’s dream. If you do it right, you can collect and store up to two liters of water in a single condom.

2. ... WRAP UP YOUR WEAPON.

Soldiers love condoms, and not just for the reason you think. GIs have covered their rifle barrels with condoms to keep the guns clean and dry since World War II. During the Gulf War, the British Ministry of Defense shipped 500,000 custom-made camouflage condoms to troops in Saudi Arabia with the express purpose of protecting the guns from filling with sand.

3. ... PLAY BALL.

Children in Chimoio, Mozambique, make soccer balls out of condoms. They scrunch up a few condoms as a lightweight core, tie them together, and cover them with rags. The kids get the condoms from their mothers or swipe them from family planning clinics, much to the consternation of public health officials. "When used consistently and correctly, condoms are an effective means of preventing HIV, gonorrhea and unwanted pregnancies,” one official told IRIN News, “but the results of distribution efforts can be reduced to zero when they're used to make toys instead."

4. ... GO FISHING.

Image Credit: Mike Warren

Left your bobber at home? No problem. Simply inflate a condom halfway, tie it off, and add it to your fishing line. Presto: instant bobber.

5. ... LET OFF SOME STEAM.

Feeling a little tense? Have you squeezed the life out of all your stress balls? Never fear: You’ve got the makings of a new one at home.

6. ... OPEN THAT %$*& PICKLE JAR.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, condoms can do pretty much everything. The next time you encounter a jar lid that resists even your mighty grip, try stretching a condom over the top. The rubber should provide enough traction to twist that sucker right open. 

7. ... DO SCIENCE.

Scientists and engineers digging up soil samples use condoms to protect both their collections and their equipment [PDF]. Science condoms also had a role in the D-Day invasion. Allied engineers used condoms to collect samples of sand from Normandy Beach, then analyzed the sand to make sure their vehicles could actually run up onto it without sinking.

8. ... WATERPROOF YOUR MICROPHONE (OR YOUR PHONE).

A hydrophone is an instrument for recording underwater noises. But not every sound team has a hydrophone. Those that don’t turn to condoms as a cheap way to waterproof a regular microphone. This same technique works for any other kind of small electronics, including smartphones, as long as you tie the knot very, very tightly. Mike Warren at Instructables says he can even use his touch screen through the condom. 

9. ... KEEP YOUR BANDAGE DRY.

Wearing a bandage or a cast is awful enough, but trying to bathe with one on just adds insult to injury. But you can waterproof your arm or leg with, yes, a condom. You should be able to fit a good part of your arm or leg into a condom. For wounds that don’t cover the hand or foot, just snip the tip off your condom, then pull it on like a sleeve.

10. ... FAKE A GUNSHOT WOUND.

Anybody with an army of computer graphics wizards at their disposal can add realistic-looking gunshot wounds to a movie. For the rest of us, there are condoms. Watch and learn as this young special effects guru walks you through the cheap-and-dirty (and kind of gross) process of gunshot-by-condom.

11. ... START A FIRE.

The condom is like the Swiss army knife of fire. You can use the condom to protect your tinder from the elements (dryer lint is a favorite). You can use the condom itself as kindling; it’ll burn super-hot for a few minutes, although the smell will be pretty bad. You can fill the condom with water and use it as a magnifying glass to focus sunlight on something flammable. And if all else fails and you have to resort to the rubbing-two-sticks-together method, you can twist the condom into thumb loops, which will really speed up the process.

12. ... SPEED UP YOUR WEAVING.

Sari weaving is an ancient art that’s been threatened in recent years by an influx of machine-made saris from China. To keep up their pace, weavers in Varanasi, India rub lubricated condoms on their looms’ shuttles to keep them moving fluidly. Weavers estimate that using condoms saves them about four hours per sari. They also use the condoms to polish gold and silver threads in the finished saris. The condoms are a natural choice, weaver Bacche Lal Maurya told Little India, because the lubricant doesn’t stain the silk—and because the condoms are free from local health centers.

13. ... JUMP OFF A BRIDGE.

But don’t, actually. In 2008, South African thrill seeker Carl Dionisio wove a 98-foot bungee cord out of condoms, then jumped off a bridge. Fortunately for Dionisio, the cord held. “I was 99 percent sure it would work,” he told Metro UK.

The cord, made of 18,500 condoms, took four months to make. “It was difficult, as the condoms were slippery,” said Dionisio, who apparently never considered using unlubricated condoms.

14. ... BUILD BETTER ROADS.

India’s health workers are really facing an uphill battle. Hundreds of millions of free condoms are handed out each year, but only one quarter of those ever see the inside of a bedroom. Sari weavers use many of them, but many more are used in construction. Condoms are mixed into tar and cement to smooth out roads and make them more resilient. They’re layered beneath cement plaster to keep monsoon rains from breaking through roofs.

15. ... SEAL UP THAT BAG OF CHIPS.

Image Credit: Mike Warren

Fresh out of rubber bands? Get out your condom and a pair of scissors. Lay the condom flat and cut straight vertical lines. If you’re careful, you can get a good 20 stretchy bands out of a single condom.

Astrophysicist Developing Face-Touching Warning Necklace for Coronavirus Gets Magnets Stuck Up His Nose

Nothing good can result from shoving things up your nose. One astrophysicist learned that the hard way.
Nothing good can result from shoving things up your nose. One astrophysicist learned that the hard way.
RusN/iStock via Getty Images

History is full of innovators who have suffered for their ingenuity. Thomas Midgley, Jr., for example, was struck with polio and developed a pulley system to help get himself out of bed. He was strangled by the contraption. Henry Smolinski thought he had a viable prototype for a flying car made from a Ford Pinto in 1973. A wing fell off and killed him.

All things considered, Daniel Reardon got off easy. He only had to have magnets professionally removed from his nose.

Reardon, an Australian astrophysicist, is one of many innovators attempting to assist in the coronavirus pandemic. According to The Guardian, Reardon was in the process of designing a necklace that could alert the wearer when they were in danger of touching their face, one of the primary methods of transmission for viral illness. His idea was to have magnets worn on wrists that would activate a circuit on the necklace.

But then Reardon realized the electronic field in the necklace only completed its circuit without a magnetic field, meaning it buzzed constantly. Having failed in his task and growing bored, Reardon decided to play with the powerful neodymium magnets, clipping them to his earlobes and then his nostrils. This, he said, is when things went “downhill.”

When Reardon removed one set of magnets from outside his nostril, the remaining magnets inside his nose were attracted to one another. Reardon then used more magnets to try and remove them, expecting the outside pull would negate their attraction on the inside of his nose. Unable to control them, he soon found himself with multiple magnets lodged in both nostrils.

After realizing pliers only made the problem worse—they were attracted to the magnets—and that he had failed to achieve his goal of not touching his face, Reardon went to the hospital, where all of them were removed. (One nearly fell down his throat, but he managed to cough it up.) Doctors made an informal diagnosis of self-inflicted injury due to isolation and boredom.

Neodymium magnets are typically sold with cautions, as they are strong enough to “leap” toward each other from several inches or even several feet apart. Though they do not often come with explicit warnings not to shove them inside your nose, it's best avoided.

[h/t The Guardian]

Canadian Man Named Lorne Grabher Stripped of His Right to Have a ‘GRABHER’ License Plate Is Appealing the Court’s Decision

Lorne Grabher shows off his forbidden license plate.
Lorne Grabher shows off his forbidden license plate.
CBC News, YouTube

For about 25 years, Nova Scotia, Canada, was home to a vanity license plate emblazoned with “GRABHER.”

Lorne Grabher had given it to his father as a 65th birthday gift in 1991, and it eventually passed to Lorne himself. Anyone who knew the Grabhers no doubt recognized the last name, but the same couldn’t be said for one passerby, alarmed at what seemed like a blanket imperative for abduction and assault. In November 2016, the anonymous individual filed a complaint with the Registrar of Motor Vehicles, who informed Grabher that his plate would be revoked the following month.

Grabher, proud of his Austrian-German heritage and outraged at what he considered to be a violation of his rights, sued the Registrar. This past January, CBC News reported that the Nova Scotia Supreme Court sided with the Registrar, ruling that the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms does not extend to this particular situation.

“The seven letters (‘GRABHER’) on a government-owned license plate can be interpreted as promoting sexualized violence (without full contextual information),” the court stated in its decision. “Preventing harm that could flow from such a message on a government plate must be seen as pressing and substantial.”

Though disappointed with the outcome, Grabher was determined to continue the fight, even if that meant taking the case all the way to Canada’s Supreme Court.

“I’m not giving up,” he told CBC News in January. “I’m in it for the long haul.”

True to his word, Grabher is now filing an appeal through his lawyers at Calgary’s Justice Centre for Constitutional Freedoms on the grounds that the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms does, in fact, cover personalized license plates, and there is no evidence to suggest that Grabher’s plate actually promotes sexualized violence [PDF].

While you wait for the next chapter of this epic battle of wills to unfold, check out 11 other controversial license plates here.

[h/t CBC News]

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