Cue Smash Mouth’s “All Star.” Shrek’s swamp is coming to Airbnb.
Playing “host” to the rustic hut is none other than Donkey, while he’s “swamp-sitting” for his best friend. No word on whether Shrek himself has OK’d the plan (or if he even knows about it).
It’s a short-lived and exclusive experience: The property will only be available for one two-night stay, from October 27 to 29. Booking begins on October 13 at 1 p.m. EDT. It’s technically free, but you and up to two guests will be responsible for getting yourselves to the Scottish Highlands, where the abode is located.
The listing says an “on-site concierge will ensure a comfortable stay for you and your pals—including showing you around and arranging meals.” The menu will evidently feature a couple of Donkey’s favorites, waffles and parfaits, and fortunately fails to mention any of Shrek’s go-to swamp snacks (say, a bowl of eyeballs or an entire raw fish sucked down without chewing).
You’ll get to embrace the ogre lifestyle by trudging to an outhouse “approximately 20 meters away” from the hut every time you need to use the bathroom, though you can rest assured that the shower spouts water rather than mud.
The hut has heating and a few important safety tools (a fire extinguisher, a first aid kit, etc.), but you won’t find a television or any Wi-Fi to speak of. If you’re hoping to have a Shrek movie marathon, you’ll have to bring your own devices. We’re assuming that any pitchfork-wielding townsfolk will be instructed to leave you in peace.
If a free stay in the Scottish Highlands appeals to you, ogre or not, check out the full listing here.