The You-Wouldn't-Even-Believe-How-Close-to-Being-Named-They-Are Afternoon Links

All right, this whole Afternoon-Links-naming rigamarole has run its course. I promise we'll settle on something this weekend. In the meantime, let me know how you think the first few days have gone.
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Profiling Starts with the Pants
As this humorous piece illustrates, all the hysteria that swirls around the airport screening process could really be put to rest if we’d just focus on the slacks.
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And Speaking of Overly Invasive Security Measures, I Guess I'll Just Let Big Brother Monitor My Every Waking Moment After All
Because I'm not walking around looking like this.
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These Illustrations Put the “Holy-Lord-These-Are-Terrifying” in Poe
Check out these illustrations that accompanied an early Edgar Allan Poe book - and then get comfortable with the fact that you're having nightmares tonight.
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On Star Wars Day, We Should Recognize This One Other Truly Evil Empire that is Ruining the Universe
This map meticulously displays tons of the important moments that have gone down in the House That Ruth Built.

Speaking of the Sultan of Swat, this audio of him saying goodbye to the game is heartbreaking.
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Would a Perfect Strangers Video Game Be Stupid? Well Of Course Not, Don’t Be Ree-Deek-You-Loss
Be all the Balki you can be.
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The Most Free a Human Being Can Ever Be is The Time When They're Naming a Horse
This weekend’s race has a crop of good horse names which demand analysis. But none of them are as good as “Whykickamoocow” or any of the others on this list of the best racehorse names of all time.
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These Children’s Playgrounds Are Slightly Unbalanced
In more ways than one. But they are cool.
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Attn: Miserly, Cheapskate, Scrounging, Tightfisted, Stingy Pennypinchers
Welcome home. (Via The Billfold)

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I have now used the word “Slacks” and the word “Billfold” in the same post. I am officially my Grandma Green.