10 Confessions of Car Salesmen

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It may look like a world of balloons and bad tweed. But making a living on the lot is anything but a Sunday drive.

1. They read you like a book.

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I don’t care what anybody says, verbally,” says Prentiss Smith, the general manager at a Toyota dealership in Brookhaven, Mississippi. “If they pull up on our lot, they might say they’re not ready to buy, but that’s not true.” Salespeople watch for subtle signs to read your mind. “If it’s a trade-in and I’m doing an appraisal, I see how much gas is in there,” says Daniel Wheeler, an Oregon-based Hyundai salesman. “If it’s a quarter of a tank or below, it’s usually a fairly good sign [a customer is] ready to purchase.” David Teves, a California-based salesman who writes the blog Confessions of a Car Man, says he can determine a customer’s mood by the parking spot they choose. “There’s a place at the end of our lot we call ‘Laydown Lane’ because the people who park there are too timid to park out front. They’re either total ‘laydowns’—which means they buy whatever you want for whatever price—or they have extremely bad credit.”

2. They are speaking in code to each other. (Yes, about you.)

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A potential customer is an “up,” a new salesperson is an inexperienced “green-pea,” and a buyer with no credit history is a “ghost.” Taking up too much of a salesman’s time without actually buying? You’re a “stroke.” If you’re lugging paperwork around—like newspaper ads or car reports—you’re a “professor.” And “one-legged shoppers” are customers without their spouses, which is a regular excuse for why they can’t buy right now—gotta ask the old ball and chain!

3. They believe there is no difference between a new car and a new puppy.

Puppy Dogging
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The best lingo appears when a customer is on the fence about buying a car: That’s when, sometimes, dealerships will insist they take the car home for the night. This is called “puppy-dogging.” Mark McDonald, a career car salesman and author of the “Car Salesman Confidential” column at MotorTrend.com, explains: “When customers show it to their friends and neighbors, they will make such a fuss over it—just as they would a new puppy—that they’ll have no choice but to buy it.”

4. Their co-workers are cutthroat.

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Forget about the high failure rates, pressures to sell, and potential debts to their employers. Car salespeople also have to endure brutal tactics used by fellow salespeople. For example: It’s your day off? Opportunistic coworkers might tell your loyal customers that you’ve been fired, sell the car themselves, and keep the commission. “Some people would step over their own mothers to get that car sale,” McDonald says. They also risk life and limb whenever buyers take them out on a test drive. “I once went for a ride with a drug dealer in Oakland who took me on a test drive to collect drug money,” Teves recalls. “Any test drive when you come back alive is a successful test drive.”

5. They keep their eyes on the prize.

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“Sometimes, a piece of inventory just won’t sell, so the general manager will keep lowering the price,” Wheeler explains. The dealership loses money on these cars, but the salesperson still gets commission. If a car is proving particularly hard to sell, some dealerships hand out cash prizes, called “spiffs,” to whoever finally sells it. As a salesperson, “you could make $5000 to $10,000 a year on spiffs alone,” McDonald says. In fact, the first car a salesperson usually shows you is a spiff. Instead of promising a specific cash amount, some dealerships have their own “wheel of fortune” with various spiff prizes on it. Salespeople could get $100, or they could get nothing, depending on where the wheel lands.

6. Despite the fun and games, they’re not rolling in dough.

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The average car salesperson’s salary in 2012 was just under $45,000. And it doesn’t come easy. Many salespeople work purely on commission, meaning they only make money if they sell a car. “We’re not paid anything for standing there 12 hours a day and not selling,” says McDonald. “And if I work a whole week and don’t sell a car that week, I make nothing. When I do finally sell a car, I might make a minimum commission, which at my dealership is $125. When you divide that by 60 to 90 hours a week, it’s nothing.” Smith agrees, citing an average success rate of about 20 percent. “We lose in this industry a whole lot more than we win.”

7. In fact, they might owe their boss money.

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If a salesperson has a dry spell, some dealerships will let them draw against their commissions until they can pay it back. In car sales lingo, this is called being “in the bucket.” McDonald says, “Once you get in the bucket, it can be very hard to get out. You could owe $4,000 or $5,000 after two or three months. When that happens, the only thing you can do is quit.”

8. Lots of movement on the lot? Must be a slow day.

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One strategy for luring customers is to rotate the vehicles around the lot to convey a busy, vibrant environment. “I tell my guys all the time to go out there and move the whole front line of cars,” Smith says. “Play musical chairs with the cars and customers start moving in. Action creates reaction.” And while there’s no concrete evidence to support it, an unspoken rule is that balloons somehow sell cars. On slow days, salespeople go nuts with them. “I worked at a dealership where you had to put 150 balloons out every day,” Teves says. “By the time you were done, you were exhausted. You didn’t have any energy left to sell a car.”

9. The job is going the way of the dodo.

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In 2015, more than a million Americans work at car dealerships. But that could change. Thanks to the Internet, people now walk into dealerships with their minds already made up. They don’t need—or want—a salesperson’s pitch. It makes sense that some dealerships are trading in their inflatable gorillas for online ads, as the Internet is by far their top referral source. In 2013, brand activity on Twitter alone drove $716 million in car sales, according to marketing analytics firm MarketShare. In other words, for better or worse, selling cars is becoming less of an art that involves human interaction, and more of a science that doesn’t.

10. Bad reputations sting more than you’d think.

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In a recent Gallup poll, car salespeople were ranked as some of the least honest, least ethical professionals in America, just above members of Congress (who came in last) and below bankers, lawyers, and ad professionals. This stigma has genuinely negative effects: According to a 2007 study published in the Journal of Selling, awareness of this stereotype hurts job performance. When they feel they’re being judged, salespeople don’t try as hard; they think they’ve already lost the sale. Customers then see the salesperson as detached and uncaring, and aren’t as likely to buy—and the cycle perpetuates! Managers can help, the study suggests, by training and providing support and empathy for salespeople. Customers can try to keep an open mind. And the salespeople themselves? They can build relationships, follow up after a sale, and remember honesty is the best policy. After all, as Smith says, “It is our responsibility to help change their opinions.” Of course, that, like puppy-dogging and these things, could just be another hard sell.

10 Secrets of Victoria’s Secret Employees

A Victoria's Secret retail store in an airport mall
A Victoria's Secret retail store in an airport mall
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Victoria’s Secret was born out of an awkward shopping experience. Roy Raymond didn’t feel comfortable browsing for underwear for his wife at a department store, and he wanted to create a more upscale lingerie destination that was welcoming to both men and women. The first Victoria’s Secret location opened in Palo Alto, California, in 1977.

In the 40-plus years since, Victoria’s Secret has changed the fashion industry, launched the careers of supermodels, and made shopping for bras slightly less awkward for the people who don’t wear them. Behind the company’s success are the sales associates responsible for keeping panties neatly folded and finding customers bras that fit correctly. Employees may confess they don't really know what Victoria’s secret is, but they can tell you how to get them to let you shop in peace, where to go if they don’t have your size, and more insider information. We spoke with a couple of former employees to discover their most revealing insights.

1. Victoria’s Secret employees are trained to fit all body types.

The clientele of Victoria’s Secret is diverse, and employees are trained to help every person who comes into the store find a bra that fits them. According to Andrea, who worked at Victoria's Secret from 2015 to 2019, bra fitting specialists undergo about six weeks of training to prepare for almost every possible scenario.

“Whether you’re somebody who’s had a mastectomy, or somebody who’s transitioning, or somebody who’s getting a bra for the first time, that’s what we’re there for and that’s why we do our jobs,” she tells Mental Floss. “Let’s say you have somebody who had a mastectomy. You always measure for the breast that is there. That even goes for people who have uneven breasts. So if one breast is a B-cup and the other is a C-cup, we always measure to the C-cup. Also, if you’ve just had your breasts done, like a breast lift or implants, we would measure differently for that too because the bras are going to sit differently on your chest [compared to typical fitting]."

2. Victoria’s Secret employees are allowed to suggest other stores.

There are some scenarios where the only option employees have is to admit they can’t help a customer. Victoria’s Secret only carries sizes 30A to 40DDD, and if someone comes in looking for a bigger size than what’s available, associates are allowed to send them elsewhere. Andrea says she would recommend Torrid or Soma to people in need of larger bras. “We did give other bra places business because we feel like everyone should feel good in their bra, even if it doesn’t come from us," she says.

3. At least in the past, being conventionally attractive helped you get hired at Victoria’s Secret.

The Victoria’s Secret image is synonymous with ultra-thin supermodels strutting down a runway in lingerie and high heels. The company has struggled with sales in recent years, and some industry experts blame that in part on the brand’s limited view of what's considered “sexy." Victoria’s Secret is trying to combat this by experimenting with marketing featuring more diverse body types, but when Rita (not her real name) worked there roughly a decade ago, the old beauty standards were still enforced. The former sales associate tells Mental Floss, “They would hire someone pretty over someone smart or capable. It was definitely part of the ‘fantasy.’”

4. If you're shopping for your partner, Victoria's Secret employees might recommend something other than lingerie.

When people come into Victoria’s Secret looking for a gift for their romantic partner, they rarely have all the information they need. “For boyfriends, they usually never know their girlfriend’s size. Like, ever,” Andrea says.

Even a professional bra fitting specialist can’t guess someone’s exact size based on sight alone. That’s why employees might recommend skipping the intimates altogether and considering alternative gifts if you’re shopping for someone else at Victoria’s Secret. “For dudes shopping for their ladies, unless you know for a fact what their size is, do not buy them lingerie,” Rita says. She suggests gift cards, lotions, and body sprays as safer options. And if you’re absolutely set on getting your significant other something they can wear, Andrea recommends panties and bralettes, which tend to be more forgiving in the size department than underwire garments.

5. The people who work at Victoria’s Secret see more than they want to.

Employees at the chain want their customers to feel comfortable, but in some cases, guests can get too comfortable. Rita recalls a woman who shared a little too much when shopping for intimate wear. “She'd just reconnected with her high school sweetheart—she was probably in her forties/fifties—and she made a point to mention her recent boob job. Then all of a sudden she basically flashes me in the front of the store. ... It was definitely not a normal customer interaction.”

Some stories of unusual customer behavior are not for the squeamish. Andrea recounts one such example: “I had a woman come up to me and say, ‘Do you have a cup?’ And I was like ‘No ma’am, I’m sorry, I don’t have a cup. What do you need it for?’" The woman replied that she really needed to urinate. "And I was like, ‘Ma’am!’”

On a different occasion, a customer of Andrea's found a creative use for one of the pink bows used to decorate the bras. “She takes it and she flossed her teeth with it in front of me. I was like ‘No!’ It’s so gross.”

6. Victoria’s Secret employees get sweet perks.

If they’re willing to deal with the occasional gross encounter, Victoria’s Secret employees can take advantage of benefits many retail workers don’t get. One of them is paid time off. “Even though I was only a part-time associate, because I worked so many hours, they did give me paid time off,” Andrea says. “Most places I’ve worked for, you only get paid time off if you’ve been there for a year or are a full-time associate, so being a part-time associate and being able to have paid time off without being there for a year is really rare and something that we really appreciated as associates.”

The pay is also competitive compared to similar businesses. According to Andrea, “Victoria’s Secret has a yearly raise, and I went from making $11.50 to $22.14 when I left [after four years].”

7. The holidays at Victoria’s Secret are as crazy as you’d expect.

Victoria’s Secret has been known to ring in the holiday season with deals designed to lure customers into stores. For shoppers, this means cheap bras, but for associates, it means congestion, disorganized displays, and the rare scuffle. “Holiday time is crazy,” Andrea says. “I’ve literally seen grandmas punch each other in the face.”

8. There’s a trick to getting Victoria’s Secret employees to leave you alone.

To shy shoppers, or those just craving a bit of peace, there are no worse words in the English language than “What brings you in today?” If the thought of getting this question from a Victoria’s Secret employee fills you with dread, know that it isn’t their goal to harass you. “It’s not that we want to bother you, that’s what we’re supposed to do,” Andrea says. “And most likely we don’t want to come up to you as much as you don’t want us to come up.”

But if you ever do get over-eager sales associates, Andrea has an insider’s tip for getting them off your back. “A good trick if you don’t want help is to remember the name of the person who you’re introduced to. So if the first person is like ‘Hi, my name is Stephanie,’ and then two or three more people come and say ‘Do you need more help?’ just say ‘Stephanie’s helping me, thank you,’ and they will leave you alone.”

9. Victoria’s Secret smells like body spray for a reason.

If you’d rather shop for lingerie without walking through a cloud of perfume, too bad: Spritzing the store with the brand’s latest scent is part of the job for sales associates. Rita says, “If we were working the front rooms, we had to wear ‘beauty belts’ with the latest body spray in them to spray around the room (cue the headache) and carry around the newest bra." And in case the constant spraying wasn’t aggressive enough already, Rita was also instructed to pitch it to customers—along with apparel and the Victoria’s Secret credit card. “We basically had to accost anyone who walked in with ‘Have you seen the new bra? Have you smelled the new perfume? Do you have the angel card? Why not? Don't you want exclusive offers? Blah blah blah blah,’ and it scared a lot of people off.”

10. Victoria’s Secrets ends up with items it can’t sell.

Victoria’s Secret has a generous policy when it comes to returns: Stores offer a full refund for items brought back within 90 days of purchase as long as you have a receipt (without a receipt, the policy may vary). According to Rita, some customers take advantage of this policy by bringing back garments that are clearly not fit to be resold. “People will try to return anything, claiming they just bought it last week and it ‘just didn't work out’ when it's clearly not a bra we even carry anymore and it's super worn and gross.”

Some customers ruin clothing without buying it first. “The worst part was having to damage out [retail slang for swapping out an irreparable item] underwear that girls had tried on without leaving their own underwear on," Rita says. "Happened all the time. It was absolutely disgusting.”

13 Secrets of Halloween Costume Designers

vadimguzhva/iStock via Getty Images
vadimguzhva/iStock via Getty Images

For consumers, Halloween may be all about scares, but for businesses, it’s all about profits. According to the National Retail Federation, consumers will spend $8.8 billion this year on spooky goods, including $3.2 billion on costumes. “It’s an opportunity to be something you’re not the other 364 days of the year,” Jonathan Weeks, founder of Costumeish.com, tells Mental Floss. “It feels like anything goes.”

To get a better sense of what goes into those lurid, funny, and occasionally outrageous disguises, we spoke to a number of designers who are constantly trying to react to an evolving seasonal market. Here’s what we learned about what sells, what doesn’t, and why adding a “sexy” adjective to a Halloween costume doesn’t always work.

1. Some Halloween costumes are just too outrageous for retail

For kids, Halloween is a time to look adorable in exchange for candy. For adults, it’s a time to push the envelope. Sometimes that means provocative, revealing costumes; other times, it means going for shock value. “You get looks at a party dressed as an Ebola worker,” Weeks says. “We have pregnant nun costumes, baby cigarette costumes.” The catch: You won’t be finding these at Walmart. “They’re meant for online, not Spencer’s or Party City.”

2. … but there are some lines Halloween costume designers won’t cross.

Although Halloween is the one day of the year people can deploy a dark sense of humor without inviting personal or professional disaster, some costume makers draw their own line when it comes to how far to exceed the boundaries of good taste. “We’ve never done a child pimp costume, but someone else has,” says Robert Berman, co-founder of Rasta Imposta. Weeks says some questionable ideas that have been brought to the discussion table have stayed there. “There’s no toddler KKK costume or baby Nazi costume,” he says. “There is a line.”

3. Designers can produce a Halloween costume in a matter of days.

A lot of costume interest comes from what’s been making headlines in the fall: Costumers have to be ready to meet that demand. “We’re pretty good at being able to react quickly,” says Pilar Quintana, vice-president of merchandising for Yandy.com. “Something happening in April may not be strong enough to stick around for Halloween.”

Because the mail-order site has in-house models and isn’t beholden to approval from big box vendors, Quintana can design and photograph a costume so it’s available within 72 hours. If it's more elaborate, it can take a little longer: Both Yandy and Weeks had costumes inspired by the Cecil the Lion story that broke in July 2015 (in which a trophy hunter from Minnesota killed an African lion) on their sites in a matter of weeks.

4. Beyonce can help move stale inventory.

Extravagant custom tailoring jobs aside, Halloween costumes are a business of instant demand and instant gratification—inventory needs to be plentiful in order to fill the deluge of orders that come in a short frame of time. If a business miscalculates the popularity of a given theme, they might be stuck with overstock until they can find a better idea to hang on it. “[In 2016] we had 400 or 500 Zorro costumes that we couldn’t sell for $10,” Weeks says. “It had a big black hat that came with it, and I thought, ‘That looks familiar.’ It turned out it looked a lot like the one Beyonce wore in her ‘Lemonade’ video.” Remarketed as a "Formation" hat for Beyonce cosplayers, Weeks moved his stock.

5. Women don’t usually wear masks as part of their Halloween costumes.

Curiously, there’s a large gender gap when it comes to the sculpted latex monster masks offered by Halloween vendors: They’re sold almost exclusively to men. “There just aren’t a lot of masks with female characters,” Weeks says. “I don’t know why that is. Maybe it’s because men in general like gory, scary costumes.” One exception: Hillary Clinton masks, which were all the rage in 2016.

6. Food costumes are always a hit for Halloween.

At Rasta Imposta, Berman says political and pop culture trends can shift their plans, but one theme is a constant: People love to dress up as food. “We’ve had big success with food items. Bananas, pickles. We did an avocado.”

7. Adding ”sexy” to a Halloween costume doesn’t always work.

It’s a recurring joke that some costume makers only need to add a “sexy” adjective to a design concept in order to make it marketable. While there’s some truth to that—Quintana references Yandy’s “sexy poop emoji” costume—it’s no guarantee of success. “We had a concept for ‘sexy cheese’ that was a no-go,” she says. “'Sexy corn’ didn’t really work at all. ‘Sexy anti-fascist’ didn’t make the cut this year.”

8. People ask for some weird stuff when it comes to Halloween costumes.

In addition to monitoring social media for memes and trends, designers can get an idea of what consumers are looking for by shadowing their online searches. Costumeish.com monitors what people are typing into their search bar to see if they’re missing out on a potential hit. “People search for odd things sometimes,” Weeks says. “People want to be a cactus, a palm tree, they’re looking for a priest and a boy costume. People can be weird.”

9. Halloween costume designers have workarounds for big properties.

Go out to a Halloween party over the past few years and you’re almost guaranteed to run into the Queen of the North. But not every costume maker has the official license for Game of Thrones. What are other companies to do? Come up with a design that sparks recognition without sparking a lawsuit. “Our biggest seller right now is Sexy Northern Queen,” Quintana says. “It’s inspired by a TV show.” But she won’t say which one.

10. People love sharks.

From the clunky Ben Cooper plastic costume from 1975’s Jaws to today, people can’t seem to get enough of shark-themed outfits. “We do a lot of sharks,” Berman says. “Maybe it’s because of Shark Week in the summertime, but sharks always tend to trend. People just like the idea of sharks.”

11. Dead celebrities mean sales.

It may be morbid, but it’s a reality: The high-profile passing of celebrities, especially close to Halloween, can trigger a surge in sales. “Before Robin Williams died, I couldn’t sell a Mork costume for a dollar,” Weeks says. “After he died, I couldn’t not sell it for less than $100.”

12. The Halloween costume business profits from people shopping at the last minute.

Ever wonder why food and other novelty costumes tend to outsell traditional garb like pirates and witches? Because costume shopping for adults is usually done frantically and they don’t have time to compare 25 different Redbeards. “People tend to do it at the very last minute, so we want something that pops out at them,” Berman says. “Like, ‘Oh, I want to be a crab.’”

Weeks agrees that procrastination is profitable. “We make a lot of money on shipping,” he says. “Some people get party invites on the 25th and so they’re paying for next-day air.”

13. It’s not actually a seasonal business.

Everyone we spoke to agreed that the most surprising thing about the Halloween business is that it’s not really seasonal on their end. Costumes are designed year-round, and planning can take between 12 and 18 months. “It’s 365 days a year,” Quintana says. “We’ll start thinking about next Halloween in December.”

This piece was first published in 2017 and republished in 2019.

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