There are only a few pun competitions in the world, but they draw some serious talent. Here is a sampling of great puns thrown around at some past events.
ON COUNTRIES // 1995 Pun-Off World Championship
1. I feel myself fading away I feel like I’m going into a France.
2. And where all the fish go on vacation: Finland.
3. I’m getting a little Chile up here.
4. Going back and forth like this, we’re always Russian.
5. There was this woman named Tina who was killed in this horrible accident when one of the golden arches at a McDonald’s fell on her and it was an arch-on-Tina (Argentina).
ON STATES // Jerzy Gwiazdowski, 2012 Pun-Off
6. Baby, you’ve got me in a state, and I fear that it’s contiguous.
7. I’m a changed man. I’m a new Jerzy (New Jersey) with a new outlook and Iowa lot to you. Oh, I owe (Ohio).
8. Let’s get on a boat and row away from our problems. That’s right, for you, I will pick up an oar again (Oregon).
9. When we’re rowing south, the air is in our faces, but when we’re rowing north, the Arizona backs.
10. Everything is so beautiful, I can stand on my boat and think this is just what Noah stood on the Arkansas.
ON SEASONINGS // Ben Ziek, 2013 Pun-Off
11. All right so this is not how I Oregano-ly planned it, but after Tara, my first missus dashed out on me, I came home to find tarragon.
12. I’ll never have a garlic that again.
13. Now she was not what I savory pretty but she has a personality that chives with mine.
14. She said “well, are you cumin?” And I said, “yeah, yeah. Just give me a mint.” She said “all right then curry up.”
15. But then Megan wanted to get everything down on pepper. I just could not bayleaf it. So I left. Anise is when I found out what a nutmeg was. She salted me in the parking lot.
ON HIGH SCHOOL // 2014 Great Durham Pun Championship
16. Are you getting fresh-man?
17. Why don’t you just go homeroom?
18. Biology-whiz that was a good one.
19. I chem do this all day.
20. Do you prom-ise?
ON FARMING AND RANCHING // 2012 Pun-Off World Championship
21. When you start running out of puns, you’re pretty much on the thresher-hold of losing.
22. The yolks on you.
23. That’s a load of crop.
24. I have to be honest, I’m not this funny. I have a lot of plants in the audience.
25. I’m sorry, I don’t like the new stuff like the McShakes. I like the Old McDonald’s.
ON ANIMAL PARTS // 2008 Pun-Off World Championship
26. I’m fin with that.
27. I hope I keep getting feather in the competition.
28. I think you’re just winging it at this point.
29. Fangs a lot.
30. I asked a horse if he had a dollar. He said “no, but I have fore quarters.”
ON FAST FOOD // 2015 Pun-Off Punslingers Round 1
31. Got to keep your eyes on the fries.
32. My wife’s here, she’s a real sweet tea.
ON COUNTRY MUSIC // 2015 Pun-Off Punslingers Round 4
33. That was funny, I just watched the wind and it bluegrass.
34. I have a buddy who works at a Las Vegas wedding chapel. That’s right, I got friends in elope places.
35. The pilot’s not responding. Kenny Roger?
ON MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE // 2012 Durham Pun Championship
36. I don’t even really think I can commit to this category.
37. I just not even engaged to this.
38. I’m running for my wife.
39. Well you do appear very well groomed.
40. Let’s act like adulterers here.
ON UNPRESIDENTED MISBEHAVIOR // Joe Sabia, 2007 Pun-Off World Championships
41. George was Washingtons of clothes with saliva, he was spitting.
42. Warren was having a Harding time 'cause James was Polking him crazy.
43. Richard was Nixon my rules even more, apparently him and Gerald decided they could afFord a trip with William to Mount McKinley for no legitimate reason and spent the rest of the night partying with Grover out in Cleveland.
44. Zachary didn’t bring my suit to the Taylor like I asked him to.
45. George and George were outside in the shrubs; that’s when I knew I would have to push because a George in my white house are better than two in a Bush.
ON GRAMMAR // Bertand Piboin, 2012 Pun-Off
46. I do object to being subject to odd language rules.
ON THE BIBLE // Alex Petri, 2013 Pun-Off
47. Look, if you don’t like it, the exodus over there.
48. No more nouns, I’m proverbs.
49. I’m gonna make like John the Baptist and skip ahead, because I think I’m doing a good job. That psalms it up.
50. Joel not find a most distinguished lady like me just over here or Obadiah.
For more puns, check out this punny episode of The Misadventures of Flapjack: