50 Amazing Puns From Past Pun Competitions

youtube
youtube

There are only a few pun competitions in the world, but they draw some serious talent. Here is a sampling of great puns thrown around at some past events. 

ON COUNTRIES // 1995 Pun-Off World Championship 

1. I feel myself fading away I feel like I’m going into a France. 

2. And where all the fish go on vacation: Finland.

3. I’m getting a little Chile up here.

4. Going back and forth like this, we’re always Russian. 

5. There was this woman named Tina who was killed in this horrible accident when one of the golden arches at a McDonald’s fell on her and it was an arch-on-Tina (Argentina).

ON STATES // Jerzy Gwiazdowski, 2012 Pun-Off

6. Baby, you’ve got me in a state, and I fear that it’s contiguous. 

7. I’m a changed man. I’m a new Jerzy (New Jersey) with a new outlook and Iowa lot to you. Oh, I owe (Ohio).

8. Let’s get on a boat and row away from our problems. That’s right, for you, I will pick up an oar again (Oregon).

9. When we’re rowing south, the air is in our faces, but when we’re rowing north, the Arizona backs. 

10. Everything is so beautiful, I can stand on my boat and think this is just what Noah stood on the Arkansas.  

ON SEASONINGS // Ben Ziek, 2013 Pun-Off 

11. All right so this is not how I Oregano-ly planned it, but after Tara, my first missus dashed out on me, I came home to find tarragon. 

12. I’ll never have a garlic that again. 

13. Now she was not what I savory pretty but she has a personality that chives with mine. 

14. She said “well, are you cumin?” And I said, “yeah, yeah. Just give me a mint.” She said “all right then curry up.” 

15. But then Megan wanted to get everything down on pepper. I just could not bayleaf it. So I left. Anise is when I found out what a nutmeg was. She salted me in the parking lot. 

ON HIGH SCHOOL // 2014 Great Durham Pun Championship 

16. Are you getting fresh-man?

17. Why don’t you just go homeroom? 

18. Biology-whiz that was a good one. 

19. I chem do this all day. 

20. Do you prom-ise? 

ON FARMING AND RANCHING  // 2012 Pun-Off World Championship

21. When you start running out of puns, you’re pretty much on the thresher-hold of losing.

22. The yolks on you.

23. That’s a load of crop. 

24. I have to be honest, I’m not this funny. I have a lot of plants in the audience. 

25. I’m sorry, I don’t like the new stuff like the McShakes. I like the Old McDonald’s.

ON ANIMAL PARTS  // 2008 Pun-Off World Championship

26. I’m fin with that.

27. I hope I keep getting feather in the competition. 

28. I think you’re just winging it at this point.

29. Fangs a lot. 

30. I asked a horse if he had a dollar. He said “no, but I have fore quarters.”

ON FAST FOOD // 2015 Pun-Off Punslingers Round 1 

31. Got to keep your eyes on the fries. 

32. My wife’s here, she’s a real sweet tea. 

ON COUNTRY MUSIC // 2015 Pun-Off Punslingers Round 4 

33. That was funny, I just watched the wind and it bluegrass.

34. I have a buddy who works at a Las Vegas wedding chapel. That’s right, I got friends in elope places. 

35. The pilot’s not responding. Kenny Roger? 

ON MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE // 2012 Durham Pun Championship

36. I don’t even really think I can commit to this category. 

37. I just not even engaged to this.

38. I’m running for my wife. 

39. Well you do appear very well groomed. 

40. Let’s act like adulterers here.

ON UNPRESIDENTED MISBEHAVIOR // Joe Sabia, 2007 Pun-Off World Championships

41. George was Washingtons of clothes with saliva, he was spitting. 

42. Warren was having a Harding time 'cause James was Polking him crazy. 

43. Richard was Nixon my rules even more, apparently him and Gerald decided they could afFord a trip with William to Mount McKinley for no legitimate reason and spent the rest of the night partying with Grover out in Cleveland. 

44. Zachary didn’t bring my suit to the Taylor like I asked him to. 

45. George and George were outside in the shrubs; that’s when I knew I would have to push because a George in my white house are better than two in a Bush.

ON GRAMMAR // Bertand Piboin, 2012 Pun-Off 

46. I do object to being subject to odd language rules. 

ON THE BIBLE // Alex Petri, 2013 Pun-Off

47. Look, if you don’t like it, the exodus over there. 

48. No more nouns, I’m proverbs. 

49. I’m gonna make like John the Baptist and skip ahead, because I think I’m doing a good job. That psalms it up. 

50. Joel not find a most distinguished lady like me just over here or Obadiah. 

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For more puns, check out this punny episode of The Misadventures of Flapjack:

The Smithsonian Needs Your Help Transcribing Sally Ride’s Notebooks

Sally Ride in 1984.
Sally Ride in 1984.
Coffeeandcrumbs, NASA, Wikimedia Commons // Public Domain

On June 18, 1983, Sally K. Ride made history when she became the first American woman to travel into space. Now, the Smithsonian Institution is making the history of her incredible decades-long career more accessible to everyone—and they need your help to do it.

The National Air and Space Museum Archives is home to the Sally K. Ride Papers, a collection of 38,640 physical pages (over 23 cubic feet) of material spanning Ride’s professional life as an astronaut, physicist, and educator from the 1970s to 2010s. Those resources have been scanned and used to create an online finding aid—not unlike a table of contents—so researchers can easily navigate through the wealth of information.

To simplify the searching process within that online finding aid, the Smithsonian Institution is asking for volunteers to transcribe documents in the Smithsonian’s Transcription Center, a digital hub launched in 2013, where anybody can sign up to type and review historical sources. Three projects from the Sally K. Ride Papers are currently available to transcribe, which include her notes for shuttle training between 1979 and 1981, notes about the Remote Manipulator System Arm (there's one on the International Space Station today), and notes from NASA commissions on which she served. One, for example, was the Rogers Commission, which investigated the causes of the fatal Space Shuttle Challenger disaster in 1986.

You can find out more about the documents in the projects here, and if you’re interested in joining the forces of “volunpeers,” as the Smithsonian likes to call its transcribers, you can create a new user account here. (All you’ll need is a username and email address.)

Check out more citizen science projects you can participate in at home here.

You Could Get Paid $1000 to Host a Remote The Office Watching Party

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NBC

If getting paid to watch The Office sounds like a dream come true, well, you're in luck. Amid the COVID-19 crisis, Overheard on Conference Calls, an online resource that provides helpful guides to navigating the workplace, is paying one diehard fan $1000 to host a remote watch party of The Office.

"In a time when most states in the U.S. are under stay at home orders due to COVID-19 and words like social distancing are common, it can be tough to still remember there are good things out there. Two of those things are friendship and the television show The Office," the company said on their website.

But there are a few important requirements. According to the site, Overheard is looking for someone who loves the show, has accessibility to host a video call, and will watch 15 episodes in the span of one week with their friends.

You also need to be 18 years or older and a current resident of the United States. If you fit all these requirements, simply fill out this form by April 27.

Even if you aren't the lucky winner, you can still host an Office watch party while social distancing. Check out this free browser extension that allows you to watch Netflix with your friends.

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