26 Punny Halloween Costume Ideas From a Pun Champion

Sarah Turbin
Sarah Turbin

Feeling creatively bankrupt this Halloween? Can’t stand the idea of donning another generic witch cap, ghost sheet, or sexy pizza rat costume? You’ve come to the right place.

If you, like me, have been accused of suffering from witzelsucht, or any other such judgment leveled against your innocent penchant for puns, then let it be known: Halloween is the costumed arena where we shall have our revenge. What follows below is a list of pun-based costumes for Halloween, each of which assuredly consists of a very long walk to a very short punchline. Let the groans begin.

A woman dressed in green wearing leaves and a shirt with prime numbers on it.
Sarah Turbin

1. Dress as a Jungle goddess and cover yourself in numbers that can’t be divided. You’re Amazon Prime.

2. Dress as a many-pronged garden tool and rap all night. You’re d’rake.

3. Dress as a zombie boxer and say you’re there to kill a doppelganger. You’re a dead ringer.

4. If you’re just single and looking for love, put on a coal worker’s hat and a headlight. You can flirt by saying you’re an unaccompanied miner.

5. Dress as a bloodsucking bug and act jittery all night. You’re just a nervous tick.

A woman wearing an outlet costume with doodles on it.
Sarah Turbin

6. Create an electrical socket out of cardboard and then doodle, collage and scrapbook all over it. You’re a creative outlet.

7. Dress as a jar of Jif peanut butter and cover yourself in gold flowers. When people ask, say you’re Jif Gold-bloom.

8. Attach half of a window to your butt. Say you’re a pane in the ass.

9. Dress as a sea cow in every color of the rainbow. Introduce yourself as all of hue-manatee.

10. Put a muzzle on your face and create a podium out of cardboard. You’re a Hannibal lectern.

A woman wrapped in plastic wrap holding cards.
Sarah Turbin

11. Cover yourself in parchment or wrapping paper and draw dice and question marks all over it. Voilà! Chance the Wrapper.

12. Cover yourself in gold body paint and carry around a saxophone. You’re Goldman Sax. (Bonus points if you can actually play "Careless Whisper.")

13. Wear a sign that says Route 666. When people point out the extra 6 as a mistake, correct them by saying “No, I’m the Route of All Evil.”

14. Get together a group of 12 of your single friends and just say you’re the “bae-cursed dozen.”

15. Get a bunch of girlfriends together to dress in formalwear and fine jewelry, then add bucket hats and fishing poles. Fight all night. When people ask, say you’re the Reel Housewives (of whatever city).

A woman in pink overalls, carrying a whip, wearing a hat and a nametag that says "Anna Jones."
Sarah Turbin

16. Dress like a hipster, introduce yourself as Anna Jones and carry a whip. You’re Indie Anna Jones.

17. Don a nun costume and a silver medal. You’re Second to Nun.

18. Wear all orange, get a spray-tan, and put on a sailor’s hat. You’re a sun-kissed naval orange.

19. Dress as Elmer Fudd and get very very slightly angry at everything. You’re minimum wage.

20. Cover yourself with legal jargon and speak Italian. Tell people you’ve got laws-on-ya.

A man in a suit and top hat holding a steak.
Sarah Turbin

21. Wear a business suit and carry around a hunk of meat. You’re an important steak-holder.

22. For a group of tech junkies: Dress as wild cats and act crazy all night. You can’t help it; you’re just hyper-lynx.

23. Dress as a tube of Colgate Total and photo-bomb people’s pictures all night by standing directly in front of them. You’re the Total Eclipse.

24. Wear a Red Cross on your chest, a leather jacket and sunglasses. You’re the cool aid man.

25. Dress as a kid and cover yourself in flour. Sing peace songs all night—you’re a flour child.

A man wearing bear ears.
Sarah Turbin

26. Lazy? Just put on bear ears. Say you’re doing the bear minimum.

Sam Corbin is a writer and performer based in Brooklyn. Her puns have been featured in The New Yorker, InStyle Magazine, Bust Magazine, Gothamist, and Huffington Post. Sam is also a multi-time champion of the Punderdome, a monthly pun tournament in Brooklyn, New York. She currently works at BuzzFeed. Twitter: @ahoysamantha.

This piece originally ran in 2017.

The ChopBox Smart Cutting Board Has a Food Scale, Timer, and Knife Sharper Built Right Into It

ChopBox
ChopBox

When it comes to furnishing your kitchen with all of the appliances necessary to cook night in and night out, you’ll probably find yourself running out of counter space in a hurry. The ChopBox, which is available on Indiegogo and dubs itself “The World’s First Smart Cutting Board,” looks to fix that by cramming a bunch of kitchen necessities right into one cutting board.

In addition to giving you a knife-resistant bamboo surface to slice and dice on, the ChopBox features a built-in digital scale that weighs up to 6.6 pounds of food, a nine-hour kitchen timer, and two knife sharpeners. It also sports a groove on its surface to catch any liquid runoff that may be produced by the food and has a second pull-out cutting board that doubles as a serving tray.

There’s a 254nm UVC light featured on the board, which the company says “is guaranteed to kill 99.99% of germs and bacteria" after a minute of exposure. If you’re more of a traditionalist when it comes to cleanliness, the ChopBox is completely waterproof (but not dishwasher-safe) so you can wash and scrub to your heart’s content without worry. 

According to the company, a single one-hour charge will give you 30 days of battery life, and can be recharged through a Micro USB port.

The ChopBox reached its $10,000 crowdfunding goal just 10 minutes after launching its campaign, but you can still contribute at different tiers. Once it’s officially released, the ChopBox will retail for $200, but you can get one for $100 if you pledge now. You can purchase the ChopBox on Indiegogo here.

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How the Trapper Keeper Trapped the Hearts of '80s and '90s Kids

Courtesy of Cinzia Reale-Castello
Courtesy of Cinzia Reale-Castello

No matter when or where you grew up, back-to-school shopping typically revolved around two things: clothing and school supplies. And if you’re an adult of a certain age, you probably had a Trapper Keeper on that latter list of must-buy items.

Like the stickers, skins, and cases that adorn your smartphones and laptops today, Trapper Keepers were a way for kids to express their individual personalities. The three-ring binders dominated classrooms in the '80s and '90s, and featured a vast array of designs—from colorful Lisa Frank illustrations to photos of cool cars and popular celebrities—that allowed kids to customize their organizational tools. 

In this episode of "Throwback," we're ripping open the Velcro cover and digging into the history of the Trapper Keeper. You can watch the full episode below.

Be sure to head here and subscribe so you don't miss an episode of "Throwback," where we explore the fascinating stories behind some of the greatest toys and trends from your childhood.