14 Hilarious Automatic Text and Tweet Generators

We now have the processing power, and mountains of language data, to automate all kinds of useful language tasks, from translation to reading messy handwriting. These automatic text generators may not be, strictly speaking, useful, but usefulness was never what we really loved about language anyway.
1. FavThingsBot(@FavThingsBot)
Information about rhymes and stress patterns are used by Mark Sample (@samplereality) to make the mesmerizing @FavThingsBot, which constantly finds new verses and choruses for the classic Sound of Music song “My Favorite Things.” These go way beyond raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.
Washouts on wardens and adjuncts on islands
Stringed bumpy returns and loose leaky highlands
— My Favorite Things (@FavThingsBot) May 31, 2014
Squat puckish premiums loved up with plaques
These are a few of my favorite kickbacks
— My Favorite Things (@FavThingsBot) June 4, 2014
When the muskrat writes
When the dog thrives
When I'm feeling squared
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so prepared
— My Favorite Things (@FavThingsBot) June 16, 2014
2. Google Poetics (@GooglePoetics)
This collection of found poems that emerge from the autocompletion of search terms on Google offers a funny, and sometimes sad view of humanity and the things we seek. Curated by Sampsa Nuotio (@SampsaNuotio).
if it's meant to be it will be
if it's paper
if it's love
if it's Tuesday this must be Belgium
#GooglePoems pic.twitter.com/VQlohW3Riz
— Google Poetics (@GooglePoetics) May 20, 2014
there is no present or future
there is no need to be upset
there is no spoon
there is no God
there is no try
— Google Poetics (@GooglePoetics) May 19, 2014
why are you my remedy
why are you leaving
why are you wearing that stupid man suit
why are YouTube videos lagging
— Google Poetics (@GooglePoetics) April 5, 2014
could we all be dead
…all be seeing different colors
could we arrange a meeting
could we at least stop at Starbucks
- pic.twitter.com/y7ONyB6HsA
— Google Poetics (@GooglePoetics) February 20, 2014
3. Pentametron (@pentametron)
This bot, created by Ranjit Bhatnagar (@ranjit), mines tweets for stress patterns and rhymes in order to make couplets in iambic pentameter. The results, drawn from the bottomless bucket of Twitter activity, are consistently amazing. Read them in pairs.
Swear y'all were cheering for Brazil before
— vanessa (@bestrongx) July 8, 2014
They aren't even trying anymore
— Lesly Paz (@its_Lesleeee) July 8, 2014
The power money has amazes me.
— (@_StayLaced) July 8, 2014
I am a happy happy little bee
— tina (@sadbutrad__) July 8, 2014
This new Godzilla movie is insane.
— Kyle (@kdrooney_) July 8, 2014
All is forgiven on the summer train
— Niklaus (@Niki_Patel_) July 8, 2014
4. Anagramatron (@anagramatron)
This clever bot by Colin Rothfels (@cmyr) finds pairs of tweets that are anagrams of each other (they contain the same letters arranged in different orders). Guys, you have no idea how many sentences are anagrams of each other.
Oh well back to games and anime
— Kevin Torres (@Kevester96) July 1, 2014
Let me make a bologna sandwich..
— Ashley Ja'Terria (@All_N_Yo_Tweets) June 13, 2014
How's the world doing
— Can You Feel Me Now (@RaptureOfRythem) June 28, 2014
Words hold no weight
— Maggy Soas (@magyptian_soal) June 21, 2014
5. Haiku9000(@HAIKU9000)
Another bot by Rothfels builds haikus out of three unrelated tweets.
I know you don't care.
Beach tomorrow anyone?
why so serious
— (@)Elena_Osmani / (@)Billayy7 / (@)z4kwxn
— HAIKU9000 (@HAIKU9000) July 8, 2014
Right person, wrong time.
Can't go home alone again
me but as an owl
— (@)Soloriozmm / (@)xkarina_123 / (@)reiley
— HAIKU9000 (@HAIKU9000) July 6, 2014
6. Pangramtweets (@pangramtweets)
A pangram is a sentence, such as, “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog,” that contains all the letters of the alphabet. Jesse Sheidlower’s (@jessesheidlower) bot finds natural pangrams in the Twitter wild.
I carry myself with humility. I play Lego Movie on X Box one, I like PRPS Jeans, my girls built like squares and do Zumba @lilduval
— Charlamagne Tha God (@cthagod) July 9, 2014
A good strategy for Germany is to score quickly on Brazil, then take Argentina, Peru, and Venezuela and enjoy two extra armies per turn.
— Old Hoss Radbourn (@OldHossRadbourn) July 8, 2014
7. Times Haiku (http://haiku.nytimes.com/)
The New York Times has its own haiku generator, built by Jacob Harris (@harrisj), that finds haikus in the connected text of its articles. Topical and sublime.
Times Haiku:
Individual
players are strictly barred from
"prolonged gyrations."
http://t.co/QvHGg7ugGf
— The New York Times (@nytimes) July 3, 2014
And I was right then,
and I was right yesterday,
and I'm right today.
via @nytimes http://t.co/y6RNfriGxH
— Jacob Harris (@harrisj) June 10, 2014
8. RealHumanPraise (@RealHumanPraise)
In response to a report that Fox News had staffers set up fake accounts to praise the network in online comment sections, Rob Dubbin (@robdubbin), a writer at The Colbert Report, created this bot that automatically creates reviews of Fox programming by substituting names of Fox anchors and shows into movie reviews from RottenTomatoes.com. It’s generated over 180,000 tweets since last November, and still hasn’t stopped being funny.
A comeback show for the lauded Sean Hannity and John Roberts comedy team. #PraiseFOX
— Real Human Praise (@RealHumanPraise) July 8, 2014
When Greta Van Susteren reaches into the camera and out of the screen, there are few journalistic moments more intimate. #PraiseFOX
— Real Human Praise (@RealHumanPraise) July 8, 2014
Who needs visual fireworks when you can just shoot a close-up of Geraldo Rivera? #PraiseFOX
— Real Human Praise (@RealHumanPraise) July 8, 2014
Fox & Friends First is a sweet story of young love that provides an enlightening if pragmatic view on love and courtship. #PraiseFOX
— Real Human Praise (@RealHumanPraise) July 8, 2014
Hannity, you should know, has a dance scene. But it's not what you think. #PraiseFOX
— Real Human Praise (@RealHumanPraise) July 8, 2014
Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld is a heartwarming, sentimental masterpiece that captures the simple grace of childhood. #PraiseFOX
— Real Human Praise (@RealHumanPraise) July 8, 2014
9. I am the x of y (@x_of_y)
Alexander Furnas (@zfurnas) created this bot that randomly pairs famous names with present participles to create the perfect absurd boasts for your resume.
I am the Hermione Granger of laminating.
— I am the X of Y (@X_of_Y) July 9, 2014
I am the Ross Perot of cracking marrowbones.
— I am the X of Y (@X_of_Y) July 8, 2014
I am the Benny Goodman of dangling modifiers.
— I am the X of Y (@X_of_Y) July 8, 2014
10. snowclone a minute (@snowcloneminute)
A snowclone is a type of hackneyed phrase in which some of the pieces can be swapped out, but the template remains the same. It was named “snowclone” in honor of one of the most well known such phrases, “If Eskimos have N words for snow, surely X have Y words for Z.” This bot created by Bradley Momberger (@air_hadoken) tweets out an original snowclone phrase every two minutes by randomly combining the templates at snowclones.org with the word database at wordnik.com. They really highlight the staleness of these template phrases. Here are a few recent gems.
If Eskimos have 608 words for snow, Wichitas must have 701 words for reëlection
— Snowclone-a-Minute (@snowcloneminute) July 8, 2014
When I say mizzenmast, what I really mean is larders
— Snowclone-a-Minute (@snowcloneminute) July 8, 2014
Hot guilders on guilders action
— Snowclone-a-Minute (@snowcloneminute) July 8, 2014
11. Metaphor a minute (@metaphorminute)
Darius Kazemi’s (@tinysubversions) metaphor generator substitutes random words into a template to produce metaphors that hover just on the edge of somehow maybe making sense.
a downpour is a rathole: Chippendale, yet working-day
— Metaphor-a-Minute! (@metaphorminute) June 18, 2014
a caterpillar is a steed: brown-gray and unwitting
— Metaphor-a-Minute! (@metaphorminute) June 18, 2014
a broomstick is a canvasback: cruciform, unrested
— Metaphor-a-Minute! (@metaphorminute) June 17, 2014
12. AmIRite? (@amiritebot)
Kazemi also created this bot that purposefully makes terrible “amirite” rhyme jokes about trending topics on Twitter.
Taco Bell? More like Taco Cartel, amirite?
— AmIRite Bot (@AmIRiteBot) July 6, 2014
Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest? More like Nathan's Hot Blog Eating Contest, amirite?
— AmIRite Bot (@AmIRiteBot) July 4, 2014
13. Online dating ipsum
Lauren Hallden’s (@phillylauren) generator creates filler text out of online dating profiles “because most profiles are word soup anyway.” You can generate in “typical inane jabber” mode or “with a side of crazy sauce.” This guy I conjured up in typical inane jabber mode is pretty realistic:
Working at a coffee shop only looking for something casual coffee going to the gym. Ask me anything foodie shoot me a message passionate about joking around, working on my body and my mind training for the marathon foodie chilling at a bar with friends bacon. Quizzo Kurosawa Vampire Weekend strong and confident if you like my profile my friends tell me they don't get why I'm single.
Sadly, the same holds for side of crazy mode too:
Someone to provide for you proper grammar I love the smell of I despise. Ask your mother with morals MFA shotgunning beers I'm a nice guy, my beard performance art other shenanigans skydiving for real though. Snapchat I'm too lazy to keep typing I'm a nice guy if you like crossfit nubile.
14. The Idiomatic
This automatic proverb generator mashes up timeworn bits of wisdom and gives them new, intriguing life.
“The best things in life spoil the broth.”
“A rolling stone is your oyster.”
“When the cat’s away the mice come in small packages.”
And remember (as grandma always said):
“The road to hell is where the heart is.”