If you’re a fan of nature documentaries, you’re probably prone to wondering about absolutes. What animal is the king of the jungle? Which runs the fastest? And—inevitably—which has the biggest penis?
That honor goes to the blue whale, which seems fitting. Already the largest animal in the world at a massive 330,000 pounds, 105 feet long (nearly as long as a basketball court), and with a heart the size of a golf cart, the blue whale is—let’s say proportional everywhere. According to Roaring Earth, the average size of the whale’s penis is 8 to 10 feet long, making it the John Holmes of the sea. In fact, some have speculated a surfaced whale penis has been mistaken for sea monsters at times.
If that Guinness World Record-sized organ leads to feelings of inadequacy, there is a caveat: The blue whale’s appendage has an average diameter of 12 inches.
For land animals, the elephant comes in first place, with a penis roughly 6 feet in length.
Of course, these animals are massive to begin with. For real proportional penile prowess, the barnacle is king. These crustaceans can extend their penis up to eight times their body length.
If character is more intriguing than size, a number of other species fit the bill. Alligators have erections that never dissipate; slugs have penises that emerge from their heads; bees, meanwhile, endure having their penis ripped off following copulation.
[h/t Roaring Earth]