1 of 10
“Truth be told, I never graduated from college. This is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation.”
ANSWER: At Stanford in 2005. At Stanford in 2005.
2 of 10
"I'm not advocating that you all go out and dye your hair so that you can play the jerk in a really stupid Adam Sandler movie. I don't know what kind of an idiot would think that is a worthwhile way to spend their life."
ANSWER: At Unversity of Wisconsin in 2006. He's talking about Billy Madison. I cheated—Whitford actually said "bleach your hair." At Unversity of Wisconsin in 2006. He's talking about Billy Madison. I cheated—Whitford actually said "bleach your hair."
3 of 10
"The people of this country are distant from the troubled areas of the earth and it is hard for them to comprehend the plight and consequent reactions of the long-suffering peoples, and the effect of those reactions on their governments in connection with our efforts to promote peace in the world."
ANSWER: At Harvard in 1947. At Harvard in 1947.
ANSWER: At Harvard in 1947. At Harvard in 1947.
4 of 10
"I regret that [my grandmother] didn't live past 1963 and see that I did grow up and get some really good white folks working for me."
ANSWER: At Howard University in 2007. At Howard University in 2007.
5 of 10
"Somewhere out in this audience may even be someone who will one day follow in my footsteps, and preside over the White House as the President's spouse. I wish him well!"
ANSWER: At Wellesley College in 1990. At Wellesley College in 1990.
6 of 10
"Through the years, one by one, I have written a barrel-full of songs…I wished to be a songwriter, and I attached my work to my wish and that wish came true."
ANSWER: At West Virginia University in 1995. The theme of the speech was "wishing isn't enough," but at least one hard-to-please student didn’t go home happy. “On graduation day, that was the last thing that needed to be said,” a WVU grad told USA Today. “I was so shocked and disappointed that it turned what should have been the greatest day of my life into one of the most surreal.” At West Virginia University in 1995. The theme of the speech was "wishing isn't enough," but at least one hard-to-please student didn’t go home happy. “On graduation day, that was the last thing that needed to be said,” a WVU grad told USA Today. “I was so shocked and disappointed that it turned what should have been the greatest day of my life into one of the most surreal.”
7 of 10
"Don't get me too excited because I use four letter words when I get excited. I'd just like to say to the parents, your children are safe, your country is safe, the FCC has taught me a lesson and the only four letter word I'm going to use today is PENN."
ANSWER: At UPenn in 2004. At UPenn in 2004.
8 of 10
"I am honored to be here and to receive this honorary doctorate. When I think back to the people that have been in this position before me, from Benjamin Franklin to Queen Noor of Jordan, I can’t help but wonder what has happened to this place. Seriously, it saddens me."
ANSWER: At William & Mary in 2004. Here's another quote from Stewart's speech:
"Today is the day you enter into the real world, and I should give you a few pointers on what it is. It’s actually not that different from the environment here. The biggest difference is you will now be paying for things, and the real world is not surrounded by three-foot brick wall. And the real world is not a restoration. If you see people in the real world making bricks out of straw and water, those people are not colonial re-enactors — they are poor. Help them. And in the real world, there is not as much candle lighting. I don't really know what it is about this campus and candle lighting, but I wish it would stop. We only have so much wax, people." [Source:
BuzzSugar.com]
And here's
a link to the speech Conan gave to Harvard’s Class of 2000. At William & Mary in 2004. Here's another quote from Stewart's speech:
"Today is the day you enter into the real world, and I should give you a few pointers on what it is. It’s actually not that different from the environment here. The biggest difference is you will now be paying for things, and the real world is not surrounded by three-foot brick wall. And the real world is not a restoration. If you see people in the real world making bricks out of straw and water, those people are not colonial re-enactors — they are poor. Help them. And in the real world, there is not as much candle lighting. I don't really know what it is about this campus and candle lighting, but I wish it would stop. We only have so much wax, people." [Source:
BuzzSugar.com]
And here's
a link to the speech Conan gave to Harvard’s Class of 2000.
9 of 10
"A huge percentage of the stuff that I tend to be automatically certain of is, it turns out, totally wrong and deluded. I have learned this the hard way, as I predict you graduates will, too."
ANSWER: At Kenyon College in 2005. Here's
the full text of the speech. At Kenyon College in 2005. Here's
the full text of the speech.
10 of 10
"Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now."
Someone Who Sounds Like Kurt Vonnegut
ANSWER: It wasn't Vonnegut. And it wasn't even a commencement address. The remarks, which Vonnegut supposedly gave at M.I.T. graduation in 1997, were widely circulated online. The speech was actually a
Chicago Tribune column written by Mary Schmich. It wasn't Vonnegut. And it wasn't even a commencement address. The remarks, which Vonnegut supposedly gave at M.I.T. graduation in 1997, were widely circulated online. The speech was actually a
Chicago Tribune column written by Mary Schmich.
